Family Corner

What's the difference between Punishment and Discipline? Learning the answer will help you be a better parent, and assure that your children thrive.

Too often, we use the words interchangeably, yet they have very different meanings that every parent should know. Simply put, you can't "punish" someone into behaving. Certainly, in the short term it can get someone's attention, make them stop doing something then and there, but experience and research shows that it is not the punishment, but the discipline that shapes behavior, teaches new ways to get ones needs met, and succeed socially. If someone does something wrong or harmful, it needs to stop, certainly, but if one doesn't learn how to behave in a different and more effective way in the future, nothing is gained.
 

Discipline is defined as a positive method of teaching a child right from wrong.  Punishment can be a part of discipline. Punishment may be physical--as in spanking, or psychological--as in verbal disapproval, isolation or loss of privileges. In reality, punishment represents only one end of a very broad spectrum of what is discipline.

Discipline is a tool to help children (and adults) learn self-control and take responsibility for their own behavior. Children who are raised in a way that stresses positive discipline will understand their own behavior better, show independence, and respect themselves and others. When punishment is the basis for discipline, the person who punishes the child becomes responsible for the child's behavior because someone other than the child is controlling the decisions.

In addition to punishment, there are a lot of other elements of discipline that every parent should keep in their "tool boxes". These include:

• Role Modeling. Setting a good example. Most children learn how to behave by observing their parents' actions. Whether you realize it or not, they are always watching you. Parents must model the way they want their children to behave.
• Setting Rules. Rules should be reasonable, fair, realistic and explained to children along with the consequences of not following them. A minimum set of rules should be established with attention given to the child's age and developmental level. 
• Encourage and Reward Good Behavior. Catch them doing well. When children are behaving appropriately, tell them so!  Verbal praise goes a long way.
• Time-Out. Time-out is pretty simple and it works. It involves removing a child from a situation following a negative behavior to calm down, establish control, end inappropriate behavior, and reenter the situation in a positive state. Effective time-outs include an explanation of what the inappropriate behavior is and why the time-out is needed.
• Create Charts, Games or Contests. Using charts to monitor and reward behavior is an interactive way for a child to learn appropriate behavior.  This helps them focus on things that are important, and to receive praise when they do well.
• Talk it out. Just because you know the difference between right and wrong, it doesn't mean that a child does. Just because you have many verbal and coping skills that it took many years to acquire, the child needs time and coaching to get to the same place. The words "because I said so" may have a place, but only after the child has learned how to behave, and that takes time...your time as well as his/hers.

Like any tool box, this one is filled with different tools for different purposes. No single tool works for every problem, and overusing any of them will eventually wear out their effectiveness.

The Best Tool of all...Love your kids and pay attention to them!

Program News: 

 

Two new Clinical Partnerships

Within the past year, Family Continuity has expanded its clinical services in terms of both capacity and geography. As part of its efforts to participate in a more integrated system of health and behavioral health care, the agency has sited clinical offices in several public high and middle schools, primary care and pediatric practices, resource centers serving individuals with housing, refugee, and immigrant support needs, and residential group homes. Each of these programs has started small, but quickly been asked to increase capacity, as individuals in need have been identified.

This month we are pleased to announce two new partnerships:

• In August, Family Continuity will begin offering clinical counseling, assessment, triage, referral, and training support at the Tri County Medical Group, a primary care practice affiliated with Milford Regional Medical Center.  This relationship will be similar to ones we are currently operating in Plymouth and Uxbridge.
• In September, we will assign staff and commence clinical office hours at the Nipmuc Regional High School that serves the towns of Mendon and Upton. This program is similar to ones already up and running in the towns of Douglas, Northbridge and Uxbridge.

The agency is in ongoing discussions with other partners as it looks to expand access to services and capacity to reach people in need. We have been very pleased with these programs and the opportunities to reach people in need that they provide. Family Continuity has seen the potential of integrated care models to provide seamless and far more effective care to people with multiple needs that stretch across systems such as health care, education, and behavioral health. If you are interested in learning more about these, and other community partnership programs, please contact Craig Maxim at  cmaxim@familycontinuity.org or by phone at 508-488-5062.