After a long day of intense listening to the stories that six young people had brought back from their vision quest solo, I hiked a short way over the Inyo Mountains to CARMA. The Combined Array for Research in Millimeter-Wave Astronomy is a field of giant radio telescopes that monitor planetary gas and dust, star-forming clouds, and galaxies near and far.

 

As I sat on the ground among these devices, known locally as the "ears," it struck me that the deep listening that my co-guide Will Scott and I, the parents of the questers, and the young people themselves had been doing that day mirrored CARMA's attentive focus on the cosmos. We had opened ourselves to the vast field of the story and listened hard for the bright flares that illuminated each person's journey.

 

Focused listening is what I miss in some conversations. Recently I was with someone would peruse his iPhone as soon as anybody else started talking! There are those, too, who talk and talk about themselves and then, whenever you attempt to add a story or remark of your own, greet your contribution with clipped silence, as if to ascertain whether you plan to make another such egregious interruption. Then they resume their monologue.

 

I think many people who lack listening skills and listening decorum aren't even conscious of their behavior. Those held in captivity with them are acutely aware of it, however. When someone's response to your conversational offering is to turn out the light and leave the room, it's insulting. It's also hurtful.

 

Good listening is really much easier than what the "ears" 0f CARMA are tasked to do. You don't have to tune in to the entire cosmos, you just have to open yourself up to the depths of the person right in front of you.

 

 

Imagine the carrot's frilly top poking above the soil. You know there's something delicious and nutritious right below, so you pull. But you have to exert just the right amount of pressure. If you yank, you risk tearing off a handful of green, breaking the connection between the above and the below. If you're too tentative, the carrot won't budge.

 

However, if you tug firmly and decisively, you can pull from the ground a beautiful carrot! 

 

Shortly after I got back from a trip to Turkey, I went for a walk with my friend Larissa Conte. Her first question: "What was the most sensuous experience you had in Turkey?" I found myself describing in detail how it felt to cut into baklava with a fork and then process the layers of pastry and honey with my tongue.  

 

Now that was a skillful tug on the conversational carrot!  

 

Photo from foodarian.com 

 

 

Several years ago, during the intermission of a concert that was otherwise unmemorable, I got into a conversation with the man who had been sitting next to me. We were standing in the lobby, and there was a lot of pushing, bumping, and exclaiming going on. Perhaps not surprisingly we began talking about attention. He told me that the person who had the greatest power of attention of anyone he'd ever met was Joan Halifax. I was familiar with Halifax, anthropologist, hospice caregiver, a writer about shamanism and the fruitfulness of dark times, and Zen priest. I had read some of her books and admired the way she delved into inscrutable places, inner and outer, and revealed their secrets.

 

This man had taken a training with Halifax. He said that whenever she talked with someone, she riveted her attention on that person. Nothing could nudge her aside. Her eyes never wandered, and her energy, the man emphasized, was as fixed as her gaze. If someone came over to her and stood by, obviously impatient to talk to her, she gave no clue that she was aware of it.

 

 

Photo from awaken.com 

 

My book, The World Is a Waiting Lover, with a foreword by Thomas Moore, author of Care of the  Soul, is available from Amazon.com or from your favorite bookstore. It's also available as an e-book!

Youth Vision Fast 

(recommended for people ages 17-23) 

July 15-25 

In the high desert of eastern California 

To recognize and mark the moment when a young person turns toward adulthood takes great courage, especially in a culture that has all but forgotten the importance of honoring this transition. With the intention of finding and facing your deepest truths, your strengths and weaknesses, you then turn toward the critical questions: "Who am I to be in the world?" and "What are my gifts?" This opportunity is both a great challenge and a simple task, providing the possibility of returning home with a timeless memory in your bones and a profound connection to the Earth, ready to embark on the life-long quest of finding and making your place in the world.

Guides: Will Scott and Trebbe Johnson 

Lead Like a River 

August 9-16 

Seventh Annual Bali from Within

Bali from Within is a journey into the heart of one of the most beautiful places in the world, geographically, culturally, and artistically. In this trip, which is limited to only 4 participants, we work with Balinese guides who, over the years, have become friends. Together you will explore Bali in ways that tourists cannot do:

*take a village walk and learn about sacred architecture and its role in everyday life

*luxuriate at Bali Botanica, a spa by a riverside in Ubud

Cost: $3,950.

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