Walking down Bleibtreu [a little cobblestone street in downtown Berlin]
She heard a muted trumpet,
It carried her away from her troubled thoughts
For a split second she could remember
Remember what is was all about
The last months had been hard
Actually the last years
Actually she did not understand
She was doing everything she should
She was hardworking and responsible
Treated people kindly and with respect and yet she could not figure out why the sky seemed to be falling in on her.
Why she felt like the words she spoke were not being listened to.
Everyone kept on doing their own thing, although nothing, and that is Nothing at all was really working.
Worse, it was falling apart. Unraveling at the seams.
It was getting to a point that she was not sure if she could hold it all together.
She heard the song "Joshua fought the battle of Jericho"
"Jericho, Jericho... and the walls came tumbling down."
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall...
and all the king's horses and all the king's men,
couldn't put Humpty together again."
Berlin was cold and gray. She had always been so self assured. So positive. So loyal. So committed. It had always worked. She had always managed what she set out to do, but this time seemed to be different. This times the winds were hitting not once, not twice. Not this time, it was day in and day out, month after month, year after year that she had been having to hold her stance in the storms. She was tired. her bones brittle. She had nothing left. She had given all.
All she wanted was a place to feel safe. To rest. A place where she would not have to talk or explain.
She walked into the courtyard. As she climbed the stairs all she longed for was a HOME.
(camera zooms in.They are seated at the kitchen table.)
Sometimes we simply long for a place we call home
When we're wounded and tired
and beaten to the bone
Sometimes I try so hard
to explain
that though things look so bad
I've got so much to gain
Perhaps I was a dreamer
Somebody who still believed in the value of strong relationships and that if you are a true captain, you try to save the boat and you never jump ship.
No matter what, you go through things.
I was the one that believed in capturing sounds and words and writing them into songs and then selling them. I was the one that helped so many set up labels and independent companies, and told them that you could become a millionaire with ice cream - look at Ben and Jerry or a zillionaire with a book, look at the Harry Potter story.
I pushed the impossible and preached the "I'm Possible" and yet here I was, I could not go back, I could not re-write, I was stuck in the thick of it. And I had absolutely no answers. All I needed was one or two days of time-out. A weekend to have no responsibilities with kids or work or family to make a plan.
Yes I longed for a home
where no one asked me a thing.
They simply made a fire in the fireplace and handed me a warm coffee and put on a bit of classical music and gave me, at least the illusion, that it was all o.k. That I was o.k. and that my choices I had made, made sense. Even if they were not working as I had planned, they could work, or I could decide differently, but I had done my best. I could rest. Simply buy a week or two of time so that I could be clear with the decision at hand.
Sometimes when things simply are not what they seem to be
I long to believe that you still have trust in me
So I ask for your support to buy me some more time
But I'm filled with your rapport
Of negative lines
I went to the last place I knew called home
I entered crawling
on my knees
My pride I slid under the doormat
I took the coffee.
I tried to explain why I had come.
I was answered with a wall of "You should have." You could have, blah blah blah. "Why didn't you....?
I don't need your blame game.
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It sucks the marrow from my bones
I don't need your blame game.
On any other day
I would have had enough energy to respond
To be compassionate
to reflect on the complaints and blame that I was eye to eye with
But today was different
Today I had to use my last drops of energy
to survive
I had nothing left in my bones for anything
except love and understanding
I need a sweet embrace
Without a trace of blame
SImple gesture
and my softly spoken name
I need a warm old quilt
to wrap around this pain
A feeling so simple so pure
a few moments of rest
From the Storm outside
To regenerate my burdened mind
A harbor to rest
A safe haven to hide
to give me the strength to endure
I don't need your blame game.
It sucks the marrow from my bones.
I don't need your blame game.
Sadness overwhelmed me.
I knew the time had come to say good-bye,
With more than 100 songs written, 
