Winds of Change

The past couple of months have been marked by roaring winds here in southern New Mexico and they went from annoying to downright dangerous.

With the loss of lessons (my income that supports this stable) and the pure irritation of struggling day in, day out with the basic care of 7 horses, 4 dogs and my Mother - I found myself despondent and searching my soul for inspiration.

Conversations with friends through the years had often drifted to "you really belong in Santa Fe, Katharine" - or Sedona, or back in Boulder or California...

I looked at a site for equine industry jobs. I found a position in New York at the most splendid stable one could imagine. Dressage principles based upon compassion; heated indoor school, pastures, trails, massage/natural care; crystals in the lounge... I ached to be in such an environment.

I sat in the cafe' with a dear friend discussing my sense of confusion and the feelings of being misplaced - I told him all my frustrations and joys. I told him the strange things about me... how I just couldn't imagine leaving my stable and all the animals here. How I loved all the bunnies - especially the little one I've watched and Reikied for two years, how she has a little withered front leg and mangled, but healed face... I nearly cried.

Then, in a Zen moment of clarity, I said to him, "What if the most important thing I do in this life is just love that little bunny?" And we laughed so hard, it cleared some cobwebs from my brain.

At home, I went through old business plans, did new models, wrote goals, desires, ideas... and I thought about the past four years building this stable yard. I read old articles that I had written and really listened to my own Spirit. Then, I thought about my young life with an alcoholic father. I thought about leaving Tucumcari for Roswell and the feeling of wanting simple peace; simple things that no one could take away from me. I thought about needing clarity and calmness and honesty and love. I thought about the years of making mistakes in choosing relationships; of giving up things I worked to create and handing my own soul over to partners, then losing it all again.

I opened my eyes to the simple life I have here. My Mom, now safe here - no ghosts to haunt her unless she chooses to let them in. My brother, able to take a breath and return to the things he loved and studied all his life. The animals - all brothers and sisters to me, also, and beloved to me. Things work here. Dog yards, turn outs for horses, trees, the mountain, refrigerated air conditioning! We have what we need. And we can breathe. I can breathe.

The winds have caused changes for me. They forced me to cut my hair. They have kicked me into seeing through new eyes. Instead of finding somewhere else where I belong - I have found that all the important things, ideas, feelings and possibilities are right here now.

I have a friend who has lived all over the world. I asked her one time, if she could live anywhere at all, where would she choose? She said, "Where my friends are."

I am stumbling my way through the reality that this life is - a reality of ups and downs and doing the best we each can do in each moment, each circumstance.

I remember my Mom's friends who said, "The Universe rearranges itself to accommodate your picture of reality."

"What is your picture of reality?"

"You're living it", they said.

I can work on adjusting my picture of reality to vibrate a little higher; to include more time for my dreaming and to improve things here rather than look for better elsewhere. Buckaroo Bonsai said, "Wherever you go, there you are"...

Here I am.
Love & Peace to you all, wherever you find yourselves, from the Dharmahorse