In Tehilim the verse states, "Zeh hayom asa Hashem nagila v'nismicha boh." This is the day Hashem created, we will delight and have pleasure in it." Is it the day or is it Hashem that is the source of joy? The answer is found in Shir Hashirim where the verse says, "Nagila v'nismacha bach." Our true joy is when we are together with Hashem. Our simcha is really in You, Hashem, and what You revealed of Yourself when you gave us this day.

A name delineates and objectifies by creating borders. Since Hashem is infinite, we cannot limit Him with boundaries. When we talk about His name, we are really referring to His middot. He reveals His attributes through His creativity, the constancy of His giving, the intricacies of His works, and the miracles He performs. This awakens within us a love for Him and then we can reach the state of, "Nagila v'nismcha bach," rejoicing in Him.

Chazal tell the story of a childless couple from Tzidon who were married for ten years and then decided to divorce. They went to Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai who said to them, "The same way you began your relationship with a feast, end it with a feast." So they arranged a grand celebration and the husband said to his wife, "My daughter, whatever you want that I have in the house, take it when you go back home." She told the servants to take her sleeping husband in his bed to her father's house. He woke up at midnight and asked her, "Where am I?" She answered, "You are in my father's house. There's nothing I want more in the world than you." They went back to Rabbi Shimon and told him what happened. It was then that he prayed for them and they had a child.

The Midrash tells another story of a queen whose husband and married sons traveled to a foreign land. When they returned, they told the queen, "Your children have come back." She answered, "What do I care? Let my daughters-in-law rejoice." But when they told her that her husband had returned, she said, "This is complete joy, the joy of all joys." Thus it will be in the future when the Jews will return from exile, that the prophets will say to Yerushalayim, "Your children have come from far." They will then say, "Behold the king, Hashem is coming." Then there will be profound joy as it says, "The daughters of Tzion will delight greatly."

The idea underlying both midrashim is that true happiness comes when the covenant is alive and enduring. When the goodness of both the wife and husband comes through, when there's nothing either of them want more than each other, then it becomes an indestructible bond. Only after Rabbi Shimon saw the beauty of the childless couple's relationship did he pray for them. When we say "Nagila v'nismcha bach," we are telling Hashem, "We want nothing more in the world other than You."

The stresses of marriage are tempered not just by finding solutions, but by remembering that one's spouse is a part of oneself. There is a sense of fullness and wholeness within the couples' hearts and in their home. A marriage bound by a covenant, where the couple shares an inner soul connection, will last forever.

Hashem gave us the mitzvot so we could draw closer and form a connection with Him. The navi Chavukuk summarized the 613 mitzvot with one mitzvah: "Tzadik b'emunato yichye." A tzaddik lives by his faith. If you are committed, you will end up keeping everything. If you are not, you'll do nothing. It's the same with marriage. Everything depends on emunah. When the couple is consistent in their commitment to each other, commitment binds them together. This can happen from the outside-in, not just from the inside-out. So when you continually ask yourself, "What does my husband need?" and you make the effort to give it to him, the act of giving will generate ne'emanut (faithfulness) and identification, which in turn form an everlasting bond.

Building an eternal connection takes work. The old rule, "Fake it till you make it," is completely true here, with only one clause, you have to want to make it. If faking it is an ideal in itself so you can get what you want out of your spouse, it won't work. You have to think, "I wish I felt like this in my heart, but I'll act as though I do, until I really mean it." Small acts such as making your husband's favorite food or picking up something he'd like to read on the way home are the building blocks of a meaningful marriage. The ne'emanut you foster will take you to a place where the unity you feel will become definitive forever.

The Zohar says that the heart is the repository of understanding. The Gemara clarifies that one can understand something through being in it. The Mekubalim explain that this has different dimensions, which can be expressed in the form of breadth, length, and depth.

Picture this scenario. Your husband left his breakfast dishes on the table. There's a thin coffee trail where he went to answer the phone. Your instinctive response may be, "This is ridiculous. I'm not Hazel the maid. Why can't he put his own dishes in the sink and wipe up his own spills?" But if you'd make an effort to see the whole picture with breadth, you'd see something different. He was tense this morning. He ran to the phone because he was expecting an important business call. It's not about you.

Now let's examine length. Where did this begin with and where is it going? Maybe it really began with his having the idea that men don't have to clean up after themselves, certainly not when they are under pressure. Maybe it started at his parent's home where it was his mother's pleasure to treat his father like a king and not let him lift a finger. Maybe in return he treated her like a queen. You have to ask yourself where it's all going? If it's going towards doing things you don't want to do, maybe you should say something. Or perhaps it would be wiser to just remain silent, clean up, and forget the incident.

There's also depth. You have to ask yourself, "Where are these feelings coming from? Is it really about the dishes? Is it really that I don't have the time to put it in the sink? Is it so difficult or painful or overwhelming? Maybe it's coming from my insecurity of who I am or my fear of being treated in a way that's objectifying and belittling even though he never really does that.

Ideally if you go through the process of length, breadth, and depth, you will not necessarily excuse every behavior, but you'll understand them, which is different than forgiving the person. The heart knows where the truth lies. It is the repository of binah. The heart absorbs external reality and uses it to make connection. If you want to have a relationship with Hashem that's authentic you have to learn to translate the feelings of your heart and relate them to the source. If you want to have a relationship with your husband that is profound and emotionally intimate, you have to learn this art too. Hear where he is coming from and where he is going. See the whole picture and understand what's happening inside your heart that's bringing about your reaction. If the relationship is one of emunah then the house will be full of emunah.

Emunah is relative and not absolute. Although you may not be at the level you want to be, you have to want it and make continuous effort to acquire it. Think of emunah as a size 11 shoe. You're still growing. One day your feet will fit into those shoes. Ask yourself the critical question. "What am I going to do today to make tomorrow different? How can I become less self-oriented and autonomous and more unified and honestly communicative. How can I learn to see the breadth, depth, and length of my husband? Changes happen in small increments. Start today. Take one little step and let that be the gateway that will open new vistas in your quest for a fulfilling marriage.

The ten makot (plagues) represent the ten sefirot, which signify Hashem's interaction with the world. The makot were meant to show both the Egyptians and the Jews the greatness of Hashem's hand and the intricacy of His Divine Providence.

In order to turn leather into parchment it must go through an arduous tanning process. Similarly, the makot punished the Egyptians while refining the Jews. They revealed the mighty hand of Hashem. Likewise, the tests Hashem gives us are tailor made for us. The challenges and difficulties we face force us to tap into our dormant potential, which in turn helps us become all we can be.

The word maamar is often used when a person talks to someone or to himself. When Hashem created the world, He was hidden. There was no one to listen when he uttered the ten maamarot (sayings). In contrast, the aseret hadibrot were given with great revelation. Dibur is about relationships. With the ten commandments, Hashem bound himself to the Jewish people. The makot served as the transitional point between the ten maamarot (sayings) with which Hashem created the world and the ten commandments of the Torah. It took Hashem from the world of concealment to the world of revelation.

The Mesilat Yesharim tells us that acquiring kedusha (sanctity) is a two-fold process. The beginning takes effort but in the end one will be rewarded a thousand fold. Every small mitzvah sanctifies us. Masechet Yoma states, "If a Jew sanctifies himself a little, Hashem will elevate him to very high levels." A smile, a kind word, a helping hand, can all have tremendous effect.

The Mesilat Yesharim writes that acquiring holiness involves not only doing mitzvot but separating oneself from earthly pleasures and cleaving to Hashem "b'chol eit," at every moment. Kohelet defines et as a time and place. Shlomo Hamelech asks, "What does man benefit from this materialistic world if he doesn't elevate it?" The idea of kedusha means using time properly. In Shemone Esrei we ask Hashem to bless us, "B'chol eit uv'chol sha'ah." Every moment has its purpose. A person who realizes this can become kadosh.

If a Jew elevates his physical acts by performing them with the right intention, Hashem accepts them as a korban. In Shema it says, "Ki'mei hashamaym al ha'aretz." A Jew should try to bring heaven down to earth by living a transcendental life. Everyone according to his ability can attempt this and live by it. Hashem commanded the Jewish people "Make for me a sanctuary and I will rest in them." The commentators explain that now that the physical beit hamidkash is no longer with us, the Divine Presence rests inside each of us. We are a holy people.

The Gemara says that one who supports a Torah scholar is considered as if he brought bikkurim (the first fruits) to the mikdash. Why specifically bikkurim? The Sefer Hachinuch explains that this mitzvah represents hakarat hatov (gratitude). The Torah scholar dedicates his life to Torah and mitzvot. Therefore, one who brings him gifts acknowledges that the tzaddikim and talmidei chachamim hold up the world.