In parshat Shemot, Rashi quotes a Gemara which describes an argument between Rabbi Yehoshua and Rabbi Yosi. Rabbi Yehoshua held that Moshe deserved death for neglecting to circumcise his son Eliezer. Rabbi Yosi disagreed and claimed that Moshe wasn't guilty. Rather he had a perplexing problem. If he performed the brit he would have to wait three days before returning to Egypt. Therefore he concluded that his first duty was to fulfill Hashem's command and travel back to Egypt. Then he could attend to the circumcision. However Moshe still deserved punishment because when he arrived in Egypt he went to look for a lodging place before circumcising Eliezer. He should have done the mitzvah right away. The Gemara says that an angel in the guise of a snake swallowed Moshe from his head to his hips. Tziporah immediately took a sharp stone and circumcised Eliezer, thereby saving her husband's life.

Why was Moshe so severely punished for delaying to do a mitzvah? Rav Leib Chasman explains that if one looks in the parsha at the section that recounts the story, we find something astounding. There are two people described there as deserving of death -the wicked king, Pharoah and Moshe Rabbeinu, the tzaddik whom Hashem appointed to redeem the people. How do we reconcile this? Chazal say that Hashem judges righteous people like a hairs breadth. On Moshe's sublime level he was negligent in not doing the mitzvah as quickly as possible. Therefore the Torah says he was worthy of death.

Rav Wolbe writes that we learn a great lesson here. Moshe was engaged in a mission of cosmic importance. He was chosen to liberate the Jewish people and to give them the Torah. Yet all these critical aspects could not prevail over the performance of one of Hashem's mitzvot. If Moshe indeed exhibited a weakness in his personal service of Hashem, then Hashem was ready to cancel his entire mission. As sublime as our objectives may be, they can never justify committing errors to achieve them. Hashem doesn't overlook any failures even those of his faithful servants. This is diametrically opposite to today's society where people only care about the externals of public figures and not what they do in their private lives. The Torah's view is different. Being a great Torah leader is not about charisma or oratorical skills. It's about who you are as a person and what you strive to achieve to attain inner perfection and closeness to Hashem.

There was a secret code message in Egypt which was meant to be the language of redemption. It was first uttered by Yosef when he said, "Pokod yifkod eschem." Hashem commanded Moshe to say these words to the Jews so that they would accept him as their redeemer. Why were these words the trigger code for the redemption? Pokad can be translated as an appointment or a point in time when something will happen. The sages explain that there was a ketz-a designated time for the geulah. Why the double expression? We can relate this to what Yosef told Pharaoh. The fact that his dreams were repeated twice was a sign that Hashem would fulfill it right away. Likewise, we can understand that pokod yifkod meant that when the moment would come it would all happen quickly. Alternatively, it was a firm assurance from Hashem that he would bring the redemption.

When Hashem commanded Moshe to go back to Egypt, he protested that the Jewish people wouldn't believe him. He thought they had lost their faith. But Hashem countered, "Becha yaaminu"-They will believe. Deep inside of us there's a burning trust and love for Hashem and His Torah. Exile brings out this latent faith. Rav Soloveitchik explains that this was the meaning of the burning bush. The bush symbolized the Jewish people and the fire engulfing it was the secret faith within us. This eternal faith was bequeathed by Hashem to the avot who passed it down to us.

Jews are inherently a believing people. Despite the terrible suffering we've gone through, we remain upbeat and optimistic. We know that Hashem is running the world. The Jews have always been at the forefront of social change. We trust that we are fulfilling Hashem's will by making the world a better place.

The Egyptian exile taught us many enduring lessons. We learned to sympathize with the downtrodden and to stretch out a hand to help those in need. We learned to have faith and to trust. And we learned that just as Hashem redeemed us from Egypt, he will redeem us again speedily in our days.

The prophet Yirmiyahu compared the Jewish people to a bride and Hashem to a groom. When they sinned and worshipped idols he said of them, "The woman was unfaithful to her beloved." The issue wasn't the actual sin, but rather a fundamental flaw in their relationship with Hashem. There was never a committed marriage relationship, but it was one of companionship, and there's a huge difference between the two.

A woman's nature is to be faithful. The Gemarah brings an example of a husband who lost all his money. His loyal wife said, "When he was well off he gave me so much. Now that he's poor, how can I deny him?" An unfaithful wife will only thank her husband when he fulfills her needs. When he no longer can, she'll betray him. That is why the Navi calls the Jewish people a traitorous wife. Their relationship was never one of a wife to a husband, but rather of a selfish companion who only sought to fulfill her desires.

There's a famous parable in the introduction to Shir Hashirim of a king who wanted to marry a woman of the common people. When he found his bride he took her back to home to live with him in the palace. She couldn't bear the stress of royal life and escaped back to her village. However, the villagers now appeared vulgar in her eyes. They sensed her disdain and tormented her. She was now in a terrible situation. She couldn't return to the palace yet she couldn't stay in the village. The king went searching for his wife and found her. She was so ashamed of what she had done that she refused to come back to him. He calmed her by assuring her that their marriage contract was different than any other. No matter how many times she would betray him he would never betray her. This is Hashem's commitment to us and this is what He wants of us. A relationship such as this is called ishud-a commitment.

The word reut (companionship) comes from the same root word as roeh, a shepherd. A shepherd's function is to bring his sheep to pasture. Reyim-companions are two people who join together in order to reach an end. Their bonding is a means towards satisfaction and completion. But ishud is a more profound relationship. The first place the word is used in the Torah is in the story of Chava's creation. Hashem said, "This shall be called isha (woman) because from an ish (man) she was taken." The woman is called, "Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh..." A husband and wife must see themselves as one person. A wife should recognize that her home and marriage isn't her means of actualization but her very essence. She is what her marriage is.

How do you know who you really are in your marriage? Ask yourself some questions. Do you really feel as one with your spouse? Are you just using him or her for your own emotional, physical, or spiritual motives? Such statements like, "I'm proud of what you've become, it makes me feel important;" or, "I believe in what you are. It makes me feel validated," is using the other person in a subtle way.

The acid test of a real marriage is what happens when things get hard. Reyut isn't an enduring covenant. It changes according to circumstances. When both sides aren't getting what they want, the relationship is over. Marriage is built on mutual completion, but its essence isn't the pasture. It's not what your spouse receives from you but what he becomes through you. This mutual perfection begins with the essential personalities of the couple and how they give to each other. The connection is the purpose of the marriage. The man must see his wife as a part of himself, as being on his team. The woman must see her husband as her identity, as the one from whom she was taken and the one who makes her a woman and a wife.

Disloyalty in a marriage is expressed as mutual autonomy. It is when one spouse is only willing to give as much as he can then get. Receiving is the purpose and giving is the means. There's no sense of when I'm giving him, I'm really giving me.

Marriage is called a covenant because by definition it can't change. The word brit (convenant) is related to the word briah, creation out of nothing. Just like gravity or velocity isn't given to change, the profound bond between a man and a woman is a part of human nature

Hashem made a brit with the avot that lives on within us. The ideal relationship between the Jewish people and Hashem is like a committed marriage. One doesn't use it to get what one wants, but rather the relationship is an essential part of oneself. The Sefas Emes explains the words, "Vahavata et Hashem..."-You should love Hashem because He is you. We do not have a separate identity. This is our covenant.

The nature of the covenant between a man and a woman is related to chen which is usually translated as charm or grace. Chen cannot be put into words. The Gemara says that a woman's charm is something her husband feels. It's being connected in a way that both sense that they belong to each other. It is what makes people decide to marry each other and it is what leads to love. Love is not potential for connection but the actualization of connection.

In a relationship of reyut, both spouses feel connection but not identification. As long as each one is giving the other what they need, the relationship can continue to exist. There's the ahavah but not the chen. It's conditional love where the downs of life can lead to hatred and the eventual end of the marriage.

True marital love is about taking joy in one's portion. A loyal wife says, "I won't compare him to anyone else. I won't question what my needs are. He's my husband and I'll find happiness in him." This feeling can only come when there's an essential connection. Then no matter what's happening on the outside, the marriage remains on solid ground.

In the same vein when we say the blessing, "Zocher habrit v'neeman b'briso." We thank Hashem for being faithful to the covenant. Although we've strayed, Hashem still sees us as a part of himself.

Sharing good times and simchot together as a couple adds vitality to the covenant. The gratifying feeling that your spouse gives you in good times will solidify the essential bond between you and stand by you when things get hard. However if your marriage is all about externals and getting what you want and the attitude of, "I'll stay with it as long as it's worth it for me," then it's bound to falter.

Developing a meaningful marriage is about looking at your spouse and seeing yourself in him. It's accepting his flaws the way you accept your own. And it's committing to build together through the good and hard times with faith, acceptance, and love.