Newsletter Header
  Volume 42                Inspiration and Information for Highly Sensitive People 
3rd Quarter 2014 
In This Issue
Getting Help from Others
Lessons from Grief
Coping with Pet Loss
HSP Documentary
Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity
[book cover]

ON SALE: Just $9.95
with free shipping!

 

In my book, I reflect upon my life and provide a unique perspective on the lessons I have learned as a highly sensitive person.

 

For those who prefer a digital version, my book is also available in Kindle Format.

Learn More  

Real World Advice Specifically for Highly Sensitive People: Volume 2
Real World Advice Cover

Based on my 50+ years of experience as a highly sensitive person, I offer tips and advice to help you make better life choices. This easy to read book will positively affect the way you live, behave, and will help you feel at peace with your highly sensitive nature. Gain inspiration and information from a source that you will refer to again and again.

 View Book on Amazon 

at the spa

"I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival."

~ Audre Lorde   

MY BLOG:
Highly Sensitive Thoughts

Squirrel

I encourage you to follow my blog, Highly Sensitive Thoughts. I post to my blog several times a week and would love to have you join the discussions. If you enjoy this newsletter, you should find my blog of interest as well.

To ensure that you don't miss any blog content, you can subscribe to my blog via email or RSS feed.
Cliff's HSP Coaching
Cliff Harwin
Cliff Harwin

 The purpose of my HSP coaching is to share what I have learned, help you accept and honor who you are, and teach you how to make the most of your high sensitivity.

 

Learn more  

My Book
for Mothers of Newborn Babies
book cover
Being a parent is one of the most important roles that we will have in this life! I have written a Kindle book, Mommy's First Memories of You, that celebrates the many heartfelt moments that mothers experience as they first get to know their newborns. Through original artwork and poignant words, this book will help mothers bond with their babies, and relive those happy experiences. As the baby grows, the mother can read this book to her toddler to help her child appreciate the joy that a new baby brings.

View Book on Amazon 

lotus flower

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future...but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~ Buddha   

Kindle Book:
Finding Peace
 (just 99 cents!)
Book Cover

Simple Ways
to Bring Peace and Joy into Your Life 

This short, uplifting book offers twelve powerful "rules to live by" that will teach you how to honor yourself, listen to divine guidance, and alleviate your suffering.

Gain inspiration and information from a source that you will refer to again and again.

Please note that there is also an illustrated, booklet version of this title, which is available in the HSP Store.

View Book on Amazon 

man at beach

"Grief is not a sign or weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."

~ unknown

healing art  

May you be filled with comfort and peace.

Bathed by light and warmth that melts away your pain.

Hear the whisper of your angels and know they are near.

Discover strength you never knew you had.

And feel the loving compassion of those who hold you dear. 

~Amy McNeil,
"Healing" Karma Card  

Pier

""At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together. The choice is yours."  

~ Unknown

For the Kids:
Coco Saves Monstertown
Book Cover

By Amy McNeil

Poor Coco is picked on when he moves to a new school. The other monsters tease him because he isn't scary.

When the town holds its annual Scariest Monster Contest, Coco hides out and strikes up a surprising new friendship. When disaster strikes the contest, Coco and his new friend act quickly to get the situation under control.  

 

Once the danger has passed, Coco and the other monsters realize that there are some things more important than being the scariest monster in town.

 

The kindle version of this book is FREE on Amazon on 9/6 and 9/7.

calico cat

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of
one's soul remains unawakened."

~ Anatole France   

facebook
Become a fan of

The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company

on Facebook.

twiiter
Follow us on Twitter!

Dear ,  


flowers and mountain It's great to be back in touch with you once again! I have been out of commission for a while. My mother passed away suddenly on July 3rd, and as you can imagine, the past few months have been very hard for me.

  

I want to say that I really appreciate the support and heartfelt sentiments that I received from the HSP community. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried when I read ALL of your comments! I'm overwhelmed, in a good way, and grateful to all of you who took the time to express your thoughts and offer condolences.  

  

While dealing with the loss of a loved one is difficult for anyone, I think it poses special challenges for highly sensitive people. Since we experience emotions on such a deep level, we can easily become overwhelmed by our feelings. When my mother died, I was both shocked and heartbroken. It also dredged up feelings of sadness for other losses I have experienced in my life, including the loss of my father Matthew 27 years ago, my friend Mario in 2010, my dog Teddy in 2009, and many others.

For these reasons, I feel that grief and loss are important topics for highly sensitive people. While we hate to think about losing our loved ones, these are experiences that we have either had or will have at some point. In this issue, I share some of what I have been going through, talk about the importance of asking for help, and also touch upon pet loss. 
  

 

I want to share a poem I came across that summarizes some of the feelings I have been experiencing.

roses I seem to be falling apart.
My attention span can be measured in seconds.
My patience in minutes.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
Feelings of anxiety and restlessness are my constant companions.
Rainy days seem extra dreary.
Sunny days seem an outrage.
Other people's pain and frustration seem insignificant.
Laughing, happy people seem out of place in my world.
It has become routine to feel half crazy.
I am normal I am told.
I am a newly grieving person.

--Unknown

As a newly grieving person, I am still working to figure things out and process my loss. I'm interested in any thoughts or comments you have about this subject.

 

Announcements    

Please note that the print version of my book, Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity, is on sale for just $9.95 with free shipping! If you enjoy this newsletter, my blog, my tweets, or my thought-provoking questions on Facebook, please show your support by purchasing my books. See the sidebar for more information on my books.

I also want to mention an exciting project by Dr. Elaine Aron! She has set up a Kickstarter campaign to collect funding for a documentary about highly sensitive people called Sensitive - The Untold Story. Please consider making a donation, even if it's only $10. More information about the movie and links to the trailer are at the bottom of this newsletter. This important and groundbreaking film will NOT be made without the financial support of ALL of us!

On September 6th and 7th, our guest columnist, Amy McNeil, is having a free promotion on her children's book, Coco Saves Monstertown. With October just around the corner, it's the perfect time to read about Coco's adventures at the Halloween festival. This is a great story for highly sensitive children or any child who has had trouble fitting in at school.

Getting help from others help

holding hands  

Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help. As HSPs, many of us are conscientious and like to think that we can handle things on our own. However, I have learned that getting help from others can sometimes make a really big difference.  

 

birthday cake On my May 16th blog post, I asked you for your input regarding an upcoming situation that I was struggling with and  was conflicted about what to do. My mother was going to have her 90th birthday on July 10th. That date came on a Thursday, and my sisters wanted to celebrate on the weekend because of work schedules.

 

As a traditionalist, I believe that a birthday should be celebrated on the exact day, especially a milestone birthday such as this. I understand that everyone is busy, but I was willing to adjust my schedule to do what I thought was right. The problem was that my sisters didn't feel the same way.

 

When I talked to my mother, she said she didn't care when her birthday was celebrated, though I felt in my heart that she was trying to keep the peace. My question to you was... Do I give in and go against what I truly believe, or do I make plans to celebrate my mother's birthday on the actual day?

 

In typical fashion from highly sensitive people, I received many very thoughtful and helpful suggestions. I thank you all for them! Here are excerpts from some of those suggestions:

 

"My heart's first answer was to celebrate with her on the actual day. Wouldn't it be a wonderful memory to have? Then you can have a larger celebration on the weekend as well."

 

"In our family, due to busy work schedules, we generally had parties on the weekends. But we'd observe the day during the week with just us. Seems to me, you should do what's right for your mom and you. Most moms don't want to make trouble in the family. But your mom will surely appreciate it if you help her celebrate on the exact day. You could also let your sisters do what they want and then join them too..."

 

"...Your mother has already celebrated 89 birthdays. If she says she doesn't care to wait a few days to celebrate it on the weekend, I believe her. It seems better to celebrate it if all of the family is together. My family has done the same thing when someone's birthday is close to the weekend. We just wait till Saturday or Sunday so more people can attend. Or have two celebrations..."

 

After giving it some thought, I decided to talk more with my mother about the situation. She felt it was more important to have everyone together than to celebrate on her actual birthday. In the past, I may have continued to argue my position, but after hearing your feedback, along with my mother's thoughts, I felt that a compromise solution would be best.  

 

mom and  aunt
mom (top) & my aunt

In order to keep peace in the family, while also honoring my personal feelings, I decided to take my mother and Aunt Vicky out to lunch on her birthday with a mini birthday cake, and to have a 90th birthday dinner on the weekend.  

 

I felt really good about my decision, and I was able to peacefully set the matter to rest. As the time for the celebration came near, the plans were coming together, and everyone was going to be there... just like my mother wanted!   

 

But sadly and most unexpectedly, my mother passed away a week before her birthday. The family WAS all together, but unfortunately it was at her funeral!

 

As heartbroken as I was at the loss of my mother, I was thankful that I had not continued to argue over the birthday plans. Given the challenging relationship I have with my sisters, these disagreements can escalate, and I would hate to think of my mother spending her last days caught in the middle of family conflict.

 

I always try to learn from my experiences, and here are some important lessons I learned from this situation: (1) Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. (2) You don't have to handle your problems or conflicts by yourself. (3) It is useful to seek the opinions of others and consider alternative perspectives.

 

For me, it was an especially good time to be reminded of these lessons, as I would be needing lots of help from others in the coming weeks and months. It's situations like this that underscore how important it is to be able to ask for and accept help from others. And once again, I thank you for your support!  

Lessons From Griefgrief

man silhouette sunset  

No matter how old you are when it happens, coping with the death of a parent will be difficult. Having recently lost my mother, I wanted to share some of what I've been going through, as well as the lessons I've learned.

 

Cliff's Mom My Experience: First off, I can't believe my mother is gone! It's been about two months since she passed away, but it seems much longer. I called my mother every day, and it feels strange to not do that anymore. I was always checking in with her to see what she needed, and it's really hard to get used to this "new normal." Many thoughts, good and bad, creep into my mind. I've been doing what I need to do, but I still feel as though I'm in a daze. I miss my mother and wish for a way to know she is "okay." My emotions are running all over the place. Sadness, grief, regret, and family issues keep bubbling up. I have periods of crying that come and go.

 

Lessons Learned: It's normal to feel a variety of emotions such as sadness, regret, anxiety, anger, shock, confusion, guilt, and having a lack of energy. The grieving process is very draining on your mind and body. Self-care is extremely important. Be good to yourself, and have patience when you feel that this process is taking too long or will never end. You can't put a timetable on your feelings. Everyone is different, and it takes as long as it takes. The only way out of grief is to patiently tunnel your way through it.

 

The first step in moving through grief is to accept what has happened. Death may be painful and scary to think about, but there's no point in resisting "what is." Everyone will die, and we don't get to decide when or how this occurs. Whether the person you lost was young or old, whether the loss was sudden or expected, someone you loved will never be physically with you again. Although this is a shock to our system, we need to accept things that we don't have the power to change.

 

My Experience: It's very challenging to work through my grief and also keep up with all that needs to be done. As the executor of my mother's will, I have many things to do to take care of her estate. Everything involved with it takes time and costs money! And of course, I still have to do all of the things that I normally do, like taking care of the house and running two businesses. As a self-employed person, I don't have the luxury of taking personal time. Although I feel overwhelmed most of the time, I can honestly say that I'm doing the best that I can.

 

statue Lessons Learned: It's natural to feel drained and overwhelmed following the death of a loved one, especially if you had little or no opportunity to anticipate the death. These feelings are just part of the process. Accept that this is a difficult experience.

 

When things become unbearable, seek help from others! In dealing with my mother's estate, I reached out to professionals for financial and legal advice. I have been getting emotional support from my wife, daughter, other family members, friends, and the HSP community.  

 

When you're grieving, it's also essential to satisfy your basic health needs. Drink plenty of fluids, eat nourishing meals, and get adequate rest and exercise. Stay active, and don't let yourself dip into chronic lethargy. Do things to make yourself feel better. For example, I have been going for acupuncture treatments to keep my mind and body in balance.

 

I also found it helpful to journal my feelings, as I have done in this article. Writing things down can be cathartic and relieve stress. You can also gain valuable insight into how you overcame a difficult situation or things you need to work on.

 

My Experience: My way of dealing with grief is to take fast action on the details that need to be done. This helps me accomplish more and relieves the tension of having important things undone.  

 

There is also a part of me that feels that if I can settle my mother's estate as quickly as possible, it will be easier to move on from my sadness. Disposing of my mother's belongings has been incredibly painful. My sisters and I took what we wanted and are donating the rest to charity.  

 

family photos I find it very hard to be in my mother's house (my childhood home) with both my parents gone. The house feels oddly out of context, and there are memories everywhere I look. Although I dread the day that I have to see the house completely empty and cringe at the thought of strangers occupying this space, I am anxious to get it over with! I know it has to be done. Thus, I have been working as hard as I can to get the house sold as quickly as possible.  

 

I get very impatient with myself when I'm not moving fast enough, and it is frustrating when others don't share my sense of urgency, all of which make me hard to be around.

 

Lessons Learned: Do what you need to do in your own way, but don't impose your will on others, and expect them to feel exactly as you do. People experience grief in different ways. Yes, things need to be done, but not at the expense of making yourself and everyone else crazy. There are no rules about when or how you deal with a loss. Do what you feel is right. I learned that I need to be careful about pushing myself and others as hard as I do. Balance is definitely the key to sanity and productivity.

 

Despite what you feel on the surface, understand that grief will always run its course. I know in my heart that closing out my mother's estate is not going to take away my pain. I am going to have to face my feelings. Most likely, I will feel ripples of sadness for a long time, especially in this first year, with the passing of each season and holiday without my mother. My grief will come and go; the best I can do is feel it when it comes and let it go when I can.

 

Losing a parent is very painful, but I know with time, I will recover and enjoy life again. When things get really difficult, I remind myself that "this too shall pass." As always, I do my best to learn all I can from the hard times so that I can become a stronger person and better appreciate the good times in my life. 

Coping with Pet Loss  

cat and dog

 

The passing of my mother brought to mind many of the other losses I've had in my life, including several beloved pets. Since pets have much shorter life spans than we do, this type of loss is very common, and we need to find ways to grieve our four-legged friends as well. In fact, many of you have written to me to describe the difficulties you had in dealing with the loss of your pets.

 

One of the unique challenges in coping with pet loss is the fact that there are no ceremonies or traditions around the passing of a pet. There are no funerals or coming together of family and friends to offer condolences. Most pets pass without fanfare, and many people are back to work the next day. For some people, this can make it difficult to find closure or the proper way to grieve a pet.

 

When my beloved dog, Teddy, passed away in 2009, I put together the following tips on pet loss, which I'd like to share with you again.  

  • Don't minimize your loss. I've had pets all of my life. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet. A family pet represents a significant emotional investment in your life. Don't ignore the importance of this loss or be embarrassed by it. Be patient with yourself and give yourself enough time to work through your feelings.
     
  • Share your feelings and seek comfort from others. Talk about your feelings with your family and friends, especially those who are animal lovers. It's okay to cry if you need to. Don't be ashamed to seek professional help if you need it.
     
  • Make the time to rest. Since emotional and physical energy can be easily depleted by grief, it's extremely important to exercise self-care when coping with intense emotions. We have to take the time to re-charge our batteries by having enough alone time and getting our proper rest.
     
  • Remember the good times. It was very helpful when my family and I looked at photos and videos of my dog Teddy. It was very comforting to reminisce about the fun times.
     
  • Have a proper ending. A proper ending for your pet is a very individualized thing. It's important that you do what's comfortable and appropriate for you. We decided on cremation for my beloved dog Teddy. Teddy's ashes are in a small wooden box in a glass bookcase in our family room. This was a fitting tribute to Teddy that my family and I were comfortable with.
HSP Documentary Movie    

Sensitive Movie Logo  

Dr. Elaine Aron has set up a Kickstarter campaign to fund a documentary called Sensitive - The Untold Story. The movie will explore the trait of high sensitivity through interviews with scientists, true stories, dramatic reenactments, and stunning cinematography. The goal of the film is to raise awareness about the nature of HSP, forge better understanding between HSPs and non-HSPs, dispel myths about shyness, challenge stereotypes, inspire dialogue among professionals, and further research on high sensitivity.

 

I feel that it is very important to increase awareness of the HSP trait and educate the public about our unique strengths. I'm sure when the movie is made, Dr. Aron will post access to it on her website, and we'll all share the wonderful news!

 

This groundbreaking documentary will NOT be made without the financial support of the HSP community! The fundraising campaign ends on September 16th, so please act now! View Movie Trailer and Fundraiser Page.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for topics. If you like my "tweets" on Twitter or my thought-provoking questions on Facebook or my blog posts, please join the discussions and spread the word to others. To share this newsletter, just click the "Forward email" link at the bottom. There is strength in numbers, and together, we can make each other stronger.

Warmest Regards,
Cliff Harwin
The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company