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  Volume 39                Inspiration and Information for Highly Sensitive People 
3rd Quarter 2013 
In This Issue
Are You Being Bullied by Your Boss?
Workplace Bullying: A Survival Guide
Are HSPs at Risk of Becoming Targets of Workplace Bullying
Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity
[book cover]

In my book, I reflect upon my life and provide a unique perspective on the lessons I have learned as a highly sensitive person.

 

For those who prefer a digital version, my book is also available in Kindle Format.

Learn More  

Real World Advice Specifically for Highly Sensitive People: Volume 2
Real World Advice Cover

Based on my 50+ years of experience as a highly sensitive person, I offer tips and advice to help you make better life choices. This easy to read book will positively affect the way you live, behave, and will help you feel at peace with your highly sensitive nature. Gain inspiration and information from a source that you will refer to again and again.

 View Book on Amazon 

Cliff's HSP Coaching
Cliff Harwin
Cliff Harwin

 The purpose of my HSP coaching is to share what I have learned, help you accept and honor who you are, and teach you how to make the most of your high sensitivity.

 

Learn more  

MY BLOG:
Highly Sensitive Thoughts

Squirrel

I encourage you to follow my blog, Highly Sensitive Thoughts. I post to my blog several times a week and would love to have you join the discussions. If you enjoy this newsletter, you should find my blog of interest as well.

To ensure that you don't miss any blog content, you can subscribe to my blog via email or RSS feed.
Abraham Lincoln

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."   

~ Abraham Lincoln

Mountain Top

"The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths."

~ Elisabeth K�bler-Ross

For the Kids:
Coco Saves Monstertown
Book Cover

By Amy McNeil

 

Poor Coco is picked on when he moves to a new school. The other monsters tease him because he isn't scary.


When the town holds its annual Scariest Monster Contest, Coco hides out and strikes up a surprising new friendship. When disaster strikes the contest, Coco and his new friend act quickly to get the situation under control.  

 

Once the danger has passed, Coco and the other monsters realize that there are some things more important than being the scariest monster in Monstertown.

 

 
My Book
for Mothers of Newborn Babies
I have published a Kindle book, Mommy's First Memories of You, that celebrates the many heartfelt moments that mothers experience as they first get to know their newborns. Through original artwork and poignant words, this book will help mothers bond with their babies, and relive those happy experiences. As the baby grows, the mother can read this book to her toddler to help her child appreciate the joy that a new baby brings.

View Book on Amazon 

[img: hands clenched]

"Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength."

~ Napoleon Bonaparte

Free Kindle Book:
Finding Peace
Book Cover

Simple Ways
to Bring Peace and Joy into Your Life 

This short, uplifting book offers twelve powerful "rules to live by" that will teach you how to honor yourself, listen to divine guidance, and alleviate your suffering.

Gain inspiration and information from a source that you will refer to again and again.This book is FREE until 8/27/13.

Please note that there is also an illustrated, booklet version of this title, which is available in the HSP Store.

View Book on Amazon 

Storm

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in."   

~ Haruki Murakami, author 

For the Kids:
Jacob the Dragon Catcher
Book Cover

By Amy McNeil

In this charming fairy tale, Jacob stalks the woods with his tranquilizer gun, looking for dragons to sell to the zoo.

As the most successful of all the dragon catchers, he becomes rich and famous. Jacob, however, doesn't feel good about what he is doing and realizes that things must change.

Written in rhyme, against a backdrop of beautiful watercolor illustrations, this book tells the heartwarming story of a young man who lets his conscience guide him to a kinder, gentler way of being.

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Dear ,  

  

Conflict The theme of this newsletter is Workplace Bullying, which is becoming epidemic in this country. According to a 2010 survey done by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 35% of the U.S. workforce (an est. 53.5 million Americans) are being bullied at work, and an additional 15% witness it. Workplace Bullying is not illegal in the U.S. unless it involves harassment based on race, creed, national origin, sex, age (40+), disability, or HIV/AIDS/Hepatitis C status.

The consequences of bullying can be devastating, especially for highly sensitive people. The first step in addressing this problem is increasing awareness. You will get a unique perspective on this topic from our two guest columnists, Amy McNeil and Linda Rae Crockett. In her article, Are You Being Bullied by Your Boss?, Amy explores the most common type of workplace bullying. Linda takes a different approach and explores the question: Are HSPs at Risk of Becoming Targets of Workplace Bullying? In my article, I offer some tips and strategies if you have become a target of workplace bullying. I will also be posting questions regarding this subject to my social media networks. I would love to hear your perspective and experiences with workplace bullying.

If you know someone who is being bullied at work or who has witnessed workplace bullying, I encourage you to forward this newsletter to that person! Education and information are key components in identifying and eliminating this problem.

Announcements

Special Note for Subscribers with Gmail Accounts: If you are using Gmail's newly designed inbox, you may miss my newsletter. Please read these simple instructions to ensure that you don't miss out!

If you enjoy this newsletter, my blog, my tweets, or my thought-provoking questions on Facebook, please show your support by purchasing my books. My books include Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity, Real World Advice Specifically for Highly Sensitive People: Volume 2, and Mommy's First Memories of You. See the sidebar for more information about these books.

I'd also like to mention a few books by Amy McNeil, one of our guest columnists. She has two children's books, Coco Saves Monstertown and Jacob the Dragon Catcher, as well as an inspirational book, Simple Ways to Bring Peace and Joy into Your Life. Her inspirational book is FREE on Amazon until August 27th.

If you have read any of my books, please post a review to Amazon. Your feedback is very important to me, and your reviews really help me out!

Guest ArticleBusiness People
Are you Being Bullied by your Boss?  
By Amy McNeil

Bully Boss

When you think of the word bullying, what comes to mind? Is it a child being picked on at school? That's the most common perception of bullying, but adults can be bullied too. Adult bullying, however, is very different from childhood bullying and often occurs in the workplace. Instead of a child being teased in front of a crowd of bystanders, the bullying often takes place between boss and subordinate, and usually behind closed doors. The impetus for the bullying is also very different. At school, a child is targeted for being different. At work, an employee is targeted because he or she is perceived as a threat.

What is workplace bullying?

According to the legal definition of bullying, there are two criteria that must be met in order for a behavior to be considered bullying. The behavior must be aggressive and include (1) an imbalance of power, and (2) repetition.  

According to a survey done by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 72% of workplace bullies are bosses. Since most people are financially dependent on their jobs, and their boss has the potential to take away that job or make things very difficult, the target is automatically the underdog. And if an employee fears job loss, he or she is more likely to keep quiet and tolerate the aggression, which enables the bully to repeat the behavior, often with impunity.

While workplace bullying can take many forms, it can be subtle and escape the notice of those further up the ladder. Given its covert nature, it's helpful to know the tactics. Listed below are some common behaviors that a boss may use to bully a subordinate:

  • Threats (e.g. job loss or reduction, a poor appraisal, getting "written up")
  • Excessive or baseless criticism
  • Work sabotage or interference
  • Unreasonable or impossible work demands
  • Excessive monitoring or micro-management
  • Verbal abuse
  • Accusations, faultfinding, or unwarranted blaming
  • Withholding essential information
  • Exclusion, such as from important e-mails or meetings
  • Inequitable treatment (e.g. "special" rules that only apply to the target)    
  • Denial of access to resources or opportunities
  • Stealing credit or not giving credit. Minimizing the target's contributions.
  • Making negative and/or untrue comments about the target. Malicious gossip.
  • Soliciting others to gang up on target.
  • Isolation (e.g. the target is either physically isolated or penalized for teamwork)
  • Public reprimand or humiliation
  • Failure to return phone calls or emails
  • Assigning busy work or tasks below competence as "punishment"
  • Flaunting status

Who gets targeted?

Business Woman

Early in my career, I changed jobs frequently to broaden my experience. As my expertise and leadership skills grew, it seemed that I was getting a disproportionate number of "bully bosses". Since I usually get along well others, I was puzzled by this phenomenon. I wondered if I was doing something to attract the bullying. As it turns out, workplace targets do tend to fit a certain profile.

According to findings from the Workplace Bullying Institute, workplace targets are not the loners or outcasts. Instead, they are usually among the most skilled in the work group. While most bosses would consider a skilled worker an asset, insecure bosses can feel threatened, and thus, want to sabotage that person. The perceived threat can be compounded if the skilled worker also gets along well with the other staff or is the "go to" person for guidance.

Independence is another common trait among workplace targets. They are free spirits and do not enjoy subservience. I work best with bosses who trust my competence and take a more "hands off" approach. My need for autonomy can make some bosses feel out of control, which only intensifies the perceived threat. As a countermeasure, some bosses resort to bullying tactics that are designed to manipulate and control.

How should you respond?

One of the biggest dilemmas is deciding how to respond. Some options include: reporting the bullying, asking for a transfer, quitting the job, or some combination of these choices.    

I wish I could offer the advice that you should always report the bullying so that it may be resolved. Unfortunately though, this approach can carry great risk, depending on the culture and policies of your organization. Many employers and HR departments lack awareness of workplace bullying and do not have policies in place for reporting and addressing this issue. According to one survey from the Workplace Bullying Institute, over 85% of people who reported bullying found that employers ignored the complaint or made the situation worse. On the other hand, being silent is really not the answer either, since the act of not speaking up is what allows the bullying to continue.

If you decide to leave your position, do your best to line up another job. If you quit your job voluntarily, you will not be eligible for unemployment benefits. However, if you are experiencing severe emotional trauma and serious health issues, you may need to leave your job immediately. In that case, you can file an appeal with the unemployment board, claiming that the bullying gave you "good cause" to quit. Unfortunately though, these types of cases can be lengthy and are often unsuccessful, especially if your employer disputes the claim and/or you lack direct evidence of the problem.  

As for me, I have always left bullying bosses behind, while also reporting the problem. I sometimes reported the bullying as it occurred and sometimes upon my departure. My results were mixed and inconsistent, even within the same company. But even under the best case scenario, I was never fully gratified with the response.

Based on my experience, I feel that workplace bullying does not get nearly the attention it deserves. It is under reported and overlooked in most companies. Unless awareness is increased, laws are passed, and bully prevention training is mandated, the problem will persist. Many states are considering healthy workplace legislation, though no laws have yet passed. It is my hope that the day will come when workplace bullying is no longer supported by the culture, and a safe and healthy workplace is an entitlement for every employee.

 


[img: Amy McNeil] Amy McNeil is a graphic designer, author, and spiritual teacher. She wrote Simple Ways to Bring Peace and Joy into Your Life, a beautiful booklet that will teach you how to honor yourself, listen to divine guidance, and alleviate your suffering. She also created Karma Cards, a set of postcards with blessings of Happiness, Harmony, Healing, and Balance. Amy's products are available in my HSP Store. Amy has recently written two children's books, Coco Saves Monstertown and Jacob the Dragon Catcher.

Workplace Bullying: A Survival Guide

Employee asking for Help

Unfortunately, difficult economic conditions can increase the negative behaviors that people will tolerate in order to keep their jobs. If you ever find yourself the target of workplace bullying, it is important to have strategies to safeguard your emotional and physical well-being.

If you are being bullied at work:

  • Don't deny the problem. It is important to recognize when you are being bullied and to take steps to protect yourself.
  • Don't blame yourself. Workplace bullying is usually about control and rarely has anything to do with you personally.
  • Get help.
    • Check your company's policy. Are there any guidelines or protocols that address workplace bullying? Is there a resource person that you can talk to about the situation?
    • Contact your employee assistance group, if one is available. These groups are confidential and may be able to advise you. As an added bonus, your request for assistance can help document your experience of being bullied.
    • Reach out to family, friends, and/or a professional counselor.
  • Create a paper trail of the bully's "bad behavior" and your "good behavior". For example, if you receive a threatening phone call from the bully. Don't call the bully back and subject yourself to further abuse. Instead, respond to the call via email, reiterating the bully's threats and formulating your own professional response. If the bully ignores your work-related requests, send an email indicating that you haven't received a response and copy others.
  • If you choose to confront the bully's bad behavior, always do it in writing. State your concerns in an email, and keep it professional. Indicate that you are raising your concerns in an effort to work better together.
  • Exercise caution when confiding in your co-workers. Be careful about saying things to others that you don't want to get back to the bully. The last thing you want to do is provide evidence against yourself. Also, some co-workers won't want to be put in the middle, in which case you should respect their wishes and seek support elsewhere.
  • Be impeccable. Keep your performance level high, and play strictly by the rules. This is often the best defense against someone who is trying to sabotage your success.
  • Maintain a cheerful and positive attitude, even if you have to fake it. While this will be very difficult to do, it will show the bully that his or her campaign is not having the desired effect, which is sometimes the best revenge. (One caution though, some bullies may respond by escalating their campaigns.)
  • Do not lose your temper. Always behave in a professional manner, regardless of how the bully is behaving. Not only will feel better about yourself, but it will also prevent the bully from gathering ammunition against you.
  • Be proactive. Bullying behaviors are repetitive and often predictable. Do your best to anticipate the bully's behavior, and have an action plan ready. Try to stay one step ahead of the bully.
  • Take care of yourself. Relish your downtime. Relax, and do things you enjoy. Consult your healthcare provider if you are experiencing signs of stress or other medical issues.
  • Update your resume, and keep your eye out for other jobs. It is empowering to know that you have other choices and that you don't need to tolerate a hostile work environment. You should also realize that many workplace bullying situations can never be satisfactorily resolved. It's best to be prepared for all possible outcomes.

If you decide to report the bullying:

  • Keep a written diary that details the nature of the bullying (e.g. dates, times, places, what was said or done, and who was present).
  • Maintain copies of harassing/bullying paper trails, such as emails, and save threatening voice messages. You should also hold on to copies of documents that contradict the bully's accusations against you (e.g. time sheets, audit reports, etc.)
  • Keep a list of people you think may have observed the bullying. Find out if any of those people would be willing to speak on your behalf.  
  • Make a list of all the efforts you made to work the situation out (e.g. emails, phone calls, requests for help from HR or Employee Assistance)   
  • If you are experiencing serious health problems as a result of the bullying, get a documentation from your doctor.  
  • Report the behavior to an appropriate person or department, such as Human Resources or your Union Representative. Be prepared to present your case and back it up with plenty of documentation and evidence.

Don't be a victim. Take a proactive stance to protect yourself. Use this situation to motivate yourself to find a better situation and environment.

 

Guest ArticleStressed
Are HSPs at Risk of Becoming Targets of Workplace Bullying?
By Linda Rae Crockett, MSW, BSW

Speaking for myself, I believe the answer is yes. As a professional social worker with over 25 years of experience, I have held high-stress positions in front-line social service settings, such as child protection, income supports, addictions, and medical social work.

As an HSP, I initially struggled daily to keep my emotions and personal reactions in check. With high case loads, limited employee resources and supervision, I frequently became overwhelmed and exhausted, as did many of my colleagues. As you can imagine, facing crisis after crisis can take an emotional and physical toll on your mind and body.

Once I understood my HSP disposition, I was better equipped to manage my needs, boundaries, and set more realistic expectations for myself. The truth is I love my work, and I can manage high case loads, but what really sent me over the edge was being bullied in the workplace.

Workplace bullying (WPB) is very different from the school yard bullying scenario. It is multi-layered and a far more complex phenomenon. It is in fact an epidemic in this country, and the abuse occurs within all professions and in all ranks.

It is true that many HSPs thrive in the workplace. We are especially sensitive to other peoples' moods, emotions, and needs, including fears and insecurities. We are highly skilled in our jobs and well respected for our ethical practices. We are conscientious, dedicated workers. While these are all good attributes, they can also be problematic. Research shows that bullies often feel threatened by their targets for those very reasons. A bully may feel threatened by our competence, achievements, and/or ability to see behind their masks. In my opinion, many bullies fear being caught as imposters or exposed as frauds. I often wonder if some of the bullies are chameleons in the workplace; they seem to change their colors as needed to support their own personal agendas. The gift, and yet problem for HSPs, is that we are very good at detecting insincerity, which can pose a threat to anyone with a hidden agenda.

I have had a pattern of being bullied by supervisors, managers, peers, and groups of two or more throughout my career. Previously I had internalized a lot of shame, self-doubt, and lost self-esteem because I was repeatedly targeted. I felt I was to blame. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I was usually either transferred, denied promotions, or I ended up quitting and returning to University. Early in my career I did not have the confidence to stand up for myself so I ran away in one form or another.

With my most recent bullying experience, I decided that enough was enough. I chose to take a stand no matter what the cost. I had the confidence I needed because I believed in my skill level. I was also keenly aware of who I was as a person, and as a professional. I truly loved my work, and I simply refused to be the one leaving - again. I decided to dig my heels in and face each battle. I researched intensely; soul searched, sought healing, and obtained my Master's Degree, with bullying as my specialty.

Although bullying isn't easy for anyone, it can be especially devastating for highly sensitive people. My last WPB could have cost me my life. I have been diagnosed with a serious physical illness and post-traumatic stress disorder (brought on by work related psychological harassment).

I want to prevent the suffering that I experienced. No one deserves to feel threatened or unsafe in the workplace. Like they say, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, and it is time to empower ourselves and others.

I have decided to spend the rest of my career doing my part in the anti-bullying movement. WPB education will help targets, bystanders, employers, and/or family members of targets. I currently volunteer my services (temporarily) to offer support and guidance. I am the first social worker to stand up and speak out about my experiences in my profession.

My message to HSP professionals is this: if you are like me, and wish to remain authentic in your work, you will need to learn how to protect yourself. You will need to understand the potential risk factors, tactics, characteristics, and all you can about WPB. Awareness is everyone's protection. With awareness comes change. My hope is that with more people learning, sharing their stories, and naming this abuse, more will report the abuse, and changes will occur. Ultimately, more (preferably all) will be safe.

If you would like more information and resources on WPB or to get in touch with Linda, please visit her web site, I S A W (International Social Workers Against Workplace Bullying), or the I S A W Facebook page.

 


Linda Rae Crockett
With the lens of a trained professional skilled in understanding human behavior, Linda Rae Crockett has learned from her personal experiences with Workplace Bullying. Leveraging both her experience and an Advanced Clinical Masters Degree in Social Work, Linda has developed an expertise in the area of Workplace Bullying. She is the founder of I S A W (International Social Workers Against Workplace Bullying). I S A W offers a variety of supportive and educational services to those interested and/or affected by Workplace Bullying.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for topics. I'm also interested in hearing from you if you have an HSP challenge or a desire to write a guest article (< 600 words).

If you like my "tweets" on Twitter or my thought-provoking questions on Facebook or my blog posts, please join the discussions and spread the word to others. There is strength in numbers, and together, we can make each other stronger.

Warmest Regards,
Cliff Harwin
The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company