A holiday story.

My favorite part of the holidays are the moments we don't plan, those unexpected acts of kindness that we remember for years to come.

 

Some of you might have heard that the BBC is filming a documentary on open adoption in the U.S. that features our agency. Apparently, open adoption doesn't exist in the UK, so they wanted to learn more about it. Over the years, I've been approached by several networks regarding being a part of a reality TV show about adoption. I've historically turned them down because I haven't wanted to contribute to the sensationalism of adoption. My contention is that if they really want to tell the story of open adoption, they should feature a family who is living an open adoption, and not simply highlight the possible drama of the birth and placement. The BBC is the first network that took me up on my idea.

 

So in addition to following an expectant couple choosing, meeting, forming a relationship with the prospective adoptive family, they are also interviewing Nathan and his extended open adoption family. Nathan was placed through the agency 16 years ago and has wonderful relationships with his birthmother and birthfather.  The BBC has taken the time to get to know him, his parents and his birthmom. In doing so, they are witnessing what makes an open adoption truly successful. The director has been brought to tears as Nathan has expressed how much he loves and honors all of the important people in his life. In fact when the BBC crew flew home for the holidays, leaving the director here in Portland alone, Nathan and his family invited her to spend the holidays with them! That's hospitiousness in action. When the director thinks back at her time here learning about open adoption, I'm sure that holiday invitation will symbolize what OA&FS is all about: inclusion, kindness and connection. (In the end, she spent the day Skyping with her family and friends, but shared with me later that she was deeply touched by Nathan's family's invitation.)

 

So wherever you are in the process, whether you're entering the pool, waiting in the pool envisioning what your open adoption will look like, or celebrating the recent additions to your family, I hope your holidays included those unexpected moments when you reached out to someone, or they reached out to you, and you felt that magical spirit of connection.  Wishing you the very best in 2014!

 

Warm Regards,  

 

Marketing Update          

Favorites function features families.

Sometimes choice can be overwhelming - even when all the options are good. Since our waiting families pool offers so many great choices, we've given expectant parents a way to capture these ... introducing the Favorites tool! EPs can now easily select and make lists of families they'd like to know more about. They simply go to a family's page, click on the "add to favorites" link, and when they're ready, they can "view favorites" which lists all of the families they've given this designation. Each step also gives us another opportunity to further engage this group by reinforcing the benefits of open adoption and presenting them with our phone number and online inquiry form link.

  

We believe this open-ended method aligns best with the philosophy of genuine open adoption. When sites add filters such as "geography", "religion", "pets", etc. they're making an assumption that those categories are the best screens by which to select a family. In our world, none of those labels matter nearly as much as the feeling of hospitiousness that develops when two families join to create a lifelong relationship. The reasons they're attracted to one another are specific to each situation and as varied as snowflakes! We provide additional food for thought to expectant parents via our "Choosing an Adoptive Family" questionnaire.Here's to the power of choice.

 

 

  

 

      

 Outreach News 

To educate others about open adoption and services available at our     agency, OA&FS staff conduct outreach presentations and free trainings throughout the region year-round. In doing this, they form important relationships that benefit all who receive services from OA&FS.    

• On December 2, Eugene counselor Jan Jamieson presented information about open adoption and OA&FS to 60 students from three health classes at South Albany High School. Several students shared personal stories of their adoptions and their connections with their birthparents and birth families which added to an already rich and interesting discussion. 
• On December 5, Seattle counselor Maria Villegas met with a group of four nurses from Nurse Family Partnership in Mt. Vernon. These nurses specialize in providing support and healthcare to pregnant women with limited resources. Maria explained OA&FS philosophy and services, and discussed the option of open adoption. These nurses were eager and receptive to learn and look forward to working with us in the future.

• On December 19, Portland counselor Katie Woodward met with a local doula in Portland, Oregon who was interested in learning more about our services. The doula is now equipped with materials to provide to women she encounters who might be seeking options counseling support. She is also a new resource for birthmother's during their pregnancy, delivery and post-partum. 

Gatherings 

Attending gatherings is an important way to be better equipped  and prepared for adoption. Plus you get the benefits of developing friendships within the OA&FS community!  We look forward to seeing you. 

Portland

Date: Thursday, January 9, 6:30-8:00 pm

Topic: Prenatal Drug and Alcohol Exposure. Dr. Meg Hayes from Oregon Health and Sciences University will be here to talk about the effects of drug and alcohol use during pregnancy. Bring your notepads and questions!.

Where: Portland OA&FS office, 5200 SW Macadam Ave., #250. Please RSVP to Lori Maas at lori@openadopt.org  by Monday, January 6. 

Feel free to bring a small snack or drink to share.

Portland Waiting Families Support Group 

Date: Tuesday, January 28, 6:30-8:00 pm

Topic: Support Group - This gathering is specifically for those who are struggling with the wait. Of course, the struggle is relative to each person's experience, and in the group everyone will be invited to share their feelings and thoughts, fears and hopes. If you're new to the pool and/or feeling fresh and content in the wait, feel free to skip this one.  

Where: Portland OA&FS office, 5200 SW Macadam Ave., #250. Please RSVP to Lori Maas at lori@openadopt.org  by Monday, January 27. 

Feel free to bring a small snack or drink to share.  

Eugene & Seattle   

Out of State Waiting Families

Date: Wednesday, January 29, from 4-5:30 pm PST.  

Topic: What to expect in Adoption Planning I & II. This month's meeting will be facilitated by Eugene counselor, Jan Jamieson. As always, there will be time to check in generally as well about how each of you are doing.  

Teleconference Instructions: The OA&FS conference call-in room number is 530-881-1000, use participant code 252531#. Please RSVP to Lori Maas at lori@openadopt.org. 

Check out the following community events and resources    organized by other OA&FS adoptive parents in your area:   

Portland

Please join the Portland Adoptive Families Group for a hike!

When: Saturday, January 18th at 1 pm.  

Where: We will be meeting at the Lower Macleay Park Trailhead in Lower Macleay Park located at the end of NW Upshur St. just west of NW 29th Ave.  

Afterwards we will be heading to the Quimby Lucky Lab Beer Hall at 1945 NW Quimby St. arriving by 4pm.  

Announcements

Congratulations: 

• From the first video conference, Mike Delaney and Cindy Ogasawara had an incredible connection with Arizona birthmother Echo. Despite the distance, they continued to build on this great start, with all parties showing how genuine open communication creates strength and depth in a relationship. They headed down to Arizona on December 4 and got to meet their daughter, Theo Mika Delaney, on December 6. Echo, Mike, and Cindy maintained the openness and humor that they brought into the relationship throughout the placement and their time in Arizona, and can't wait to see one another again in a few months.

• Frank Lassise and Jonathan Dailey, as well as birthparents Brianna and Josh, have naturally embodied the true spirit of hospitious adoption from the first moment they all met in adoption planning. On top of their extraordinary generosity and kindness, they were all brave enough to be followed by the BBC for a documentary being filmed about open adoption. The gorgeous Apollo Kaimana was welcomed into the world a week and a half late on December 27, with a full head of blond hair, fitting of the god of the sun! Each member of this open adoption has shown incredible strength, patience, generosity, gratitude and love through every step of the process. They will be the perfect example to present to the world of how beautiful open adoption can be.

    

 Disruption

•  Katie Clayton and Liana Green experienced a change in their adoption plan on December 19, when the expectant mother they had been working with for the past two weeks chose to parent while still at the hospital in the days following the birth.  Katie and Liana were compassionate about the birthmother's choice, even given how sad the news was to hear. We wish them peace as they process the loss of this child to their family and the relationship they had developed with the birthmother. We also wish them well as they re-enter the pool and continue with their adoption journey.

• Dan and Lisa Guderjohn had been in adoption planning with an expectant mother for three weeks. On December 16, when the baby was born on her due date, this mother found the clarity that she needed to choose to parent her child shortly after the birth.  Dan and Lisa were kind and generous throughout the process and handled the change of heart with grace. We hope that the holidays and time with family has helped them begin to heal from this loss, and wish them the best moving forward on their path to adoption. 

OA&FS News & Resources

The lovely view from Ater Wynne's conference room made a wonderful backdrop for the animated conversation and conviviality swirling through the OA&FS Portland holiday party! Big thanks to Kay, wife of board member Roy Abramowitz, for sharing her office space with our community. It was a great setting to watch kids marvel at Bob the Magician's sleight-of-hand, eat delicious potluck food and catch up with friends old and new.

Seattle holiday party still to come!

Please join us Saturday, January 11 from 11 am to 2 pm at the 2100 building for the Seattle Holiday festivities. Xakary the Magician will make an appearance from 12:15 to 1:00 pm so don't be too late! We will also have our usual array of trucks, trains, blocks, books, and stuffed animals in our play area. This is a wonderful opportunity for families new and old to connect. Looking forward to catching up with your family!   

Adoption Related Events 

Path to Parenthood Though Open Adoption 

This work group provides a place for learning and support with your   process of pursuing open adoption. 

Contact: Michele Greco, Mindful Somatic Coaching, michele@michelegreco.com, 503-880-4868.

When: Wednesday, January 8, 2014, from 7-8:30 pm  

Where: Legacy Emanuel Hospital, Medical Office Building 2 (501 N. Graham).  Look for NAFA signs -- park in Parking Structure 2.  

Topics: Guest speakers and NAFA volunteers present on various topics: Transitioning Baby and Child Home, Baby Sign Language, Infant and Child Safety, Adoptive Family Panels, Behavioral Issues Related to Adoption, and How and When to talk to Your Child About Adoption. Meetings are free for anyone interested.  

Contact: nafawait@gmail.com, or 503-819-5209.  

African American Hair Care

A common worry among transracial adoptive parents, of a child of African descent, is how to properly care for our child's hair. There are many things to worry about as a new parent-and while hair care is extremely important for a variety of reasons-caring for your child's hair shouldn't be one of them. Caring for your child's hair can be a fun bonding ritual 

Offered By: Adoption Mosiac

When: Multiple Dates: February 2,9, and 23.  

Learn More and Register Today   

Strengthening Attachment with your Child

An understanding of the critical role that attachment plays in children's development is very important, especially when you parent an adopted child. This class explores many facets and techniques for strengthening that bond.  

Offered By: Adoption Mosaic

When: February 8, from 9:00am-1:00pm

Learn More and Register Today   

Toddler Sign Language