What an amazing time we've had with Lori Holden this week! Her visit started on Tuesday in Seattle, transitioned to Portland on Wednesday and wrapped up in Eugene Thursday. In each city, the learning began with a lunch in which Lori answered questions submitted by OA&FS staffers. While we all greatly benefited from these round table discussions, they were just the warm up for the evening events.

Lori's Portland workshop started with an exercise that opened everyone's eyes - "Family Sculpting". In this, participants played the roles of expectant mother and father, adoptive parents, the baby(!) and birth/adoptive grandparents. Acting out the milestones in the options counseling, adoption planning, and placement process through the lens of these different characters brought new perspectives and a-ha moments. "... In adoption, the more you can see from other points in the triad, the more comfortable you are with your own position in it, and the more compassion you have for the others."

She then launched into the heart of her message - that openness in adoption is not a spectrum, but a grid. We often have little influence over the level of contact in our adoptions, because we can't ultimately control the actions of others, but we are in charge of the spirit of openness we bring to the adoption. "Openness is the antidote to shame - it's like throwing open the curtains on a sunny morning." By embodying openness, we are encouraging our children to claim, and be claimed by, both their entire birth and adoptive clans. This helps them fully integrate the two halves of their identity. And like parents have the capacity to love more than one child, "a child's heart can be so big and so open he can love all his parts."

Lori's blog post has a detailed explanation. I strongly encourage everyone to read this - it's a great tool for thinking through your approach to open adoption relationships.

Thanks to all who came, shared, asked questions and made this a fantastic open adoption community event. For those of you who couldn't attend in person, you can get a dose of Lori's wisdom via her book or blog anytime!

  

Marketing Update          

With summer in the rearview mirror, service providers now gear up for fall conferences. We'll be sharing OA&FS information at the Oregon School Based Health Clinic conference, the Oregon Public Health Association conference and the Oregon Statewide Family Planning Worker conference. Our counselors attend these important events to network and bring awareness to our services. The communication materials we display at these tables and booths are a critical part of achieving this awareness. We recently reviewed, revamped and redesigned our conference materials. Our goal? Insuring that our agency is familiar and accessible to them. How do we do this? By simply and clearly stating the most important ways our agency can benefit their clients.

These providers work in a broad swath of fields -- hospital social services, public health, abortion clinics, state and county agencies - and represent clients of in a variety of situations. What they have in common is large hearts and limited time. We emphasize with these professionals that a call to OA&FS brings their client free options counseling and open adoption support at a level they might not have the time or expertise to provide on their own. We also have materials and resources - including last minute adoption plans -- available 24/7 on our website.

 Outreach News 

 To educate others about open adoption and services available at our agency, OA&FS staff conduct outreach presentations and free trainings throughout the region year-round. In doing this, they form important relationships that benefit all who receive services from OA&FS. 

• On Sept. 4, Executive Director, Shari Levine, presented to 30 Department of Human Services (DHS) and Child Protective Services (CPS) workers in Dallas, OR. The focus of the discussion was on our alternate adoption track for high-risk moms, in which they can proactively plan an open adoption for their child through our agency, before their parental rights are terminated. Many of the workers had questions about specific cases and whether this program could be accessed. They were very pleased to learn how frequently our collaborative relationship with DHS could benefit them and their clients.

• On Sept. 5, Portland Counselor Kate Sturm met with 20 nurses from The Vancouver Clinic group to discuss OA&FS services, share general information about adoption, and provide training on how to provide options counseling. The nurses expressed an appreciation for OA&FS services in the community and shared that they feel better prepared to meet the needs of women facing an unintended pregnancy.  

•  On Sept 18, Eastern Oregon Counselor Angie Lunde, made a presentation to Joseph High School's parenting class, a required class for graduation at this school.  Angie debunked myths about adoption that students learn from the media and/or adoption stories they know from their families.  During this class, besides learning about open adoption, they did an options counseling exercise, looked at materials from OAFS and discussed what a challenging choice people with unplanned pregnancies face.

•  On Sept. 24, Counselor Kate Sturm participated in the statewide Teen Parent Consortium in Salem. She joined 30 other organization representatives who serve pregnant and parenting teens. Kate worked with this group to help identify barriers to teen parents accessing the services they need. The consortium will meet quarterly throughout the year.

Gatherings 

Attending gatherings is an important way to be better equipped and prepared for adoption. Plus you get the benefits of developing friendships within the OA&FS community!  We look forward to seeing you.

Portland

Due to a scheduling conflict and the wonderful Lori Holden events, Portland, Eugene, and Seattle offices will not be hosting gatherings this month. We apologize for the late notice and look forward to seeing everyone for the November gatherings. 

Out of State Waiting Families

This month's phone gathering for Out of State clients will be held on Tuesday, October 22 from 4:00-5:30 pm PST. This month's meeting will be facilitated by Eugene Counselor, Irie Hoffman, and will be on the topic of Mental Health. There will be plenty of opportunity to ask questions. As always, there will be time to check in generally as well about how each of you are doing.  

Teleconference Instructions: The OA&FS conference call-in room number is 530-881-1000, use participant code 252531#. Please RSVP to Lori Maas, lori@openadopt.org. 

Check out the following community events and resources  organized by other OA&FS adoptive parents in your area:

Portland

Portland Adoptive Families group will hold a potluck this month. Waiting and adoptive families are welcome to come and socialize!

When: Tuesday, October 22, at 6:30pm 

Where: AliceGray Gregory's house, 2503 NE 34th Ave., Portland.   

RSVP: alicegraygregory@gmail.com     

Salem

Announcements

Congratulations:

• (Correction to announcement in previous bulletin ....) On June 27, Dini Schwarz and Andrew Bernstein of Seattle, Washington got a most surprising late-night call. They learned about an amazing birthmother who had given birth the day prior. Dini and Andrew arrived at the hospital bright and early the following morning to spend time getting to know their daughter's birthmother, Melissa, along with her parents, and hearing the memorable and unique story of her birth. Andrew and Dini were so impressed with Melissa's strength and courage, as well as the strength they could already see in their daughter. They named their daughter Ettana Priya. Ettana means strength, honoring the strength they saw in their daughter, and Priya means beloved, a middle name that honors Melissa. Dini, Andrew and Melissa have continued to stay in touch since the placement and are incredibly thankful to have found one another. Andrew and Dini are also excited that they have been in touch with Ettana's birthfather since the placement and look forward to meeting him in person someday as well.

• Dennis Corsaro and Todd King's son Ian Michael Enzo King-Corsaro was born on August 25, in Seattle, WA. Enzo is the name that Ian's birthmom Eden had chosen for him at birth, and they felt it was important to keep it as a middle name. Dennis and Todd didn't learn about Ian until a couple days after his birth. Birthmother Eden spent Ian's first days taking gentle and loving care of him. She envisioned a life for him surrounded by love, and she spent this time thoughtfully choosing his parents. When she came across Dennis and Todd's profile, she felt a connection and a certainty that they were the family for him. When Dennis and Todd learned about Eden and Ian, they were thrilled, and they couldn't wait to meet them.  Unfortunately, Todd was out of town so they had to get creative. While Dennis jumped in his car and was at the hospital in lightning speed, Todd joined in on the fun thanks to Skype.  Todd then got on the next flight, and made it in time to spend the next day with everyone before discharge. While their time together was short, they built a connection and love for each other quickly. Upon leaving the hospital, they felt like family who had known each other for years, and look forward to celebrating many more memorable moments together.

• On September 13, Missy Callender and Molly Luby of Portland were thrilled to be able to witness the birth of their son Cooper Daniel Callender-Luby. After spending the previous few months getting to know his birthparents and older brother through text messages, phone calls and visits, everyone came together to form the "Cooper Racing Team" and welcomed this very loved little boy into the world. When it came time to leave the hospital, Cooper's birthmother didn't feel ready to place him and asked for a few days to process and prepare. Missy and Molly honored her request with grace and understanding and on September 19, she placed him in their arms for good.  They have already planned their first two visits for later this year and everyone involved is looking forward to deepening their connection.  

• On September 27, after a whole night of waiting in anticipation, the guest of honor, Silas True Uffelman-Stevens was welcomed to the party by birthparents Ryan and McKenzie, adoptive parents Karen Uffelman and Scott Stevens, and extended family and friends. Karen and Scott felt particularly honored to be there for all of Silas' firsts. Ryan and McKenzie and Karen and Scott were incredibly gracious to one another during their hospital stay; they jointly cared for Silas and had fun watching all of his expressions. Known as Gumdrop in utero, Silas was named in partnership by all of his parents after discussing names and sharing dessert late in the evening prior to his delivery. Ryan and McKenzie and Karen and Scott spent two months getting to know each other, sharing their hopes and wishes for Silas, their relationship and their lives; texting, talking about interests and hobbies, and spending time with one another's extended family and friends. Silas has generations of supportive birth family nearby to answer any questions that he may have as he grows into the person he is meant to be.  Karen and Scott's family and friends have been equally eager for his arrival. Together, everyone has built a solid foundation for Silas to have a life filled with love and connection.   

Adoption Related Events 

Path to Parenthood Though Open Adoption.  

This work group provides a place for learning and support with your process of pursuing open adoption. 

Contact: Michele Greco, Mindful Somatic Coaching, michele@michelegreco.com, 503-880-4868.