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Adoptive Parent Bulletin
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September 2013
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Increase your open adoption IQ at our October workshops. 
We're beyond pleased that Lori Holden accepted our invitation to conduct workshops for the OA&FS community. Her reputation as a hospitious practitioner of open adoption is widely known. I first met Lori at a national open adoption conference in Virginia in Sept. 2011. She led a workshop on open adoption relationships and I was immediately impressed by how genuine and knowledgeable she was. It struck me that Lori has dedicated her personal and professional life to, not only talking the talk regarding open adoption, but also walking the walk. It was clear that her core beliefs surrounding open adoption are reflected in the way she lives her life. She brings her authentic and caring style to her open adoptions on a daily basis. I remember thinking that she was a great source of stories and insights regarding open adoption. When I read her recent book, "The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption", I found an honest and uplifting depiction of the triumphs and challenges in open adoption relationships and a way to navigate them that truly honors the child's experience.
Lori's book tour brings her to the Northwest in October. OA&FS will host speaking engagements in Seattle on October 1, Portland October 2 and Eugene October 3. Invites with all the details have been emailed to our community, (see OA&FS News & Resources below for a recap). Space is limited so please make your reservation today! Email Lori Maas at info@openadopt.org. You won't want to miss these thought-provoking events.
Warm Regards,
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Jamie & John's Tips for
Jumping Into the Pool 
By Adoptive Parents
Jamie Wilson and John Lamont
When John and I joined the pool in June 2011, about 30% of the placements at that time were last-minute, so we tried to be prepared at work and at home. When we got The Call in December 2012 about a birthmother who was due the next day, we were thankful for the preparations we'd made, and we also quickly realized there was a tad more we could have done. When we were asked to speak at an adoption seminar this summer, I put together a list of tips in the hopes it would help others prepare for their own placements, last minute or otherwise.
Tips Jumping Into The Pool
- If you're a circus clown, say you're a circus clown. (Describing not just your good points but the quirky or strange things about you might help distinguish you from others in the pool.)
The Waiting Game
- Travel, go out to bars, sleep in, go see movies - in other words, do things you won't be able to do (or won't be able to do as easily or regularly) once your baby arrives.
- Attend the monthly gatherings. Not only is it great to meet other people in the same situation as you, the counselors do an awesome job of helping to prepare you for parenting and open adoption.
- Prepare as much as you need to for your own sanity. For us, this meant buying a few big items (crib, dresser, car seat), a box of diapers, a handful of onesies, a pack of receiving blankets, a can of formula, and a few bottles. We set up the crib and eventually the dresser but otherwise kept Sam's room as an office and kept the rest of his stuff out of sight in the dresser and closet. We also set up a registry but didn't make it public until after we got Sam.
- Get your finances in order. Do you have enough money saved for adoption expenses, or do you need to plan for a loan or line of credit?
- Make a "Baby GO!" folder with insurance information, phone numbers, a list of favorite baby names, etc., so that you can just grab it and go when the time comes.
- Take classes on infant CPR, newborn care, etc.
- Read, read, read-for pleasure and to prepare yourself as a parent. You probably won't have as much time to do either once your baby arrives.
- Put a plan in place for your parental leave at work, especially in case of a last-minute placement.
- Figure out insurance coverage for your future baby-and who/what number you'll need to call once the baby is born.
- Start putting yourself on waitlists for daycare.
- Encourage friends and family to learn about open adoption. Jamie loved Dan Savage's The Kid. After her mom and sister read it, they finally "got" the open adoption process. The OA&FS website also has wonderful videos.
- Think about who might be your future child's guardian, and educate that person/family about open adoption.
The Arrival
- Pack pants! (After getting The Call for a last-minute placement, Jamie forgot to pack pants for herself.)
- Things may take longer than expected. Be prepared to spend at least a few days-and quite possibly more-getting the baby. (Who will take care of Fido while you're away?)
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An Open Adoption & Family Services Monthly Publication
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The Adoptive Parent Bulletin is sent to all adoptive parents from the time of their intake interview until two years after their most recent placement.
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Join our Social Media Communities
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Your visits support our campaign to build awareness about the benefits of open adoption! By liking us on Facebook, and viewing and liking videos on YouTube, you make it easier for people who need pregnancy options and adoption planning services to learn more and find OA&FS.
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 Marketing Update
Its now easier than ever for expectant parents
to contact OA&FS
In late August we implemented a new enhancement to our website - online inquiry forms for expectant parents. These forms join phone, email and texting to provide another way for expectant parents to connect with the agency. They can share their story using simple fill-in webforms, and our counselors promptly call them back. We've been pleased with the initial inquiries we've received this way. Expectant parents have been thoughtful, specific and have provided necessary background for a meaningful counseling phone call.
Behind the scenes these forms feed directly into our Customer Relation Management software. This creates a seamless transition from initial inquiry to creating a record of their contact within our database to assigning a counselor. Expectant parents have been pleased by the speed in which our staff has responded to them. Since August, eight online inquiries have been submitted. We're happy to offer this new service!
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Outreach News
On August 15, Seattle Counselor Maria Villegas attended Seamar's Health Clinic Appreciation Week's event on pregnancy services. Maria spent the morning talking to Seamar staff about agency services and also talking to clients attending the Seamar clinic. It was great to deepen the connection with this wonderful community resource. Seamar serves many low-income patients who are in need of health care, with an emphasis on serving Spanish speaking clients.
On August 28, Seattle Counselor Courtney Moscariello met with eight staff members of Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest. Courtney was available to supplement their information on adoption, and provide answers to their many great questions about OA&FS options counseling services, open adoption and the ongoing relationships, etc.
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Gatherings
 Attending gatherings is an important way to be better equipped and prepared for adoption. Plus you get the benefits of developing friendships within the OA&FS community! We look forward to seeing you. Portland Gatherings will resume in October after the agency's summer picnic on Saturday, September 14 from 12-2:00 pm at Woodstock Park in SE Portland! RSVP for the picnic today! Eugene Eugene area groups will resume in October. However, feel free to join our Out of Area Waiting Families Group anytime to continue to connect with the agency and other waiting families. We will resume our monthly meeting in October. Out of State Waiting Families This month's phone gathering for Out of State clients will be held on Thursday, September 19 from 4-6:00 pm PST. This month's meeting will be facilitated by Portland Counselor, Kate Sturm, and will be on the topic of working with expectant parents that live outside of Oregon and Washington. There will be plenty of opportunity to ask questions. As always, there will be time to check in generally as well about how each of you are doing. Teleconference Instructions: The OA&FS conference call-in room number is 530-881-1000, use participant code 252531#. Please RSVP to Lori Maas, lori@openadopt.org. |
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Community Gatherings
 Check out the following community events and resources organized by other OA&FS adoptive parents in your area: Portland Portland Adoptive Families group will hold a potluck this month. Waiting and adoptive families are welcome to come and socialize! When: Wednesday, September 25, at 6:30pm Where: Anna Anderson and David Haven's house, 1535 SW Pendleton St, Portland, 97239. We're on the uphill side of the street. Be aware that Pendleton Street starts and stops at different places in SW Portland. Our segment starts at SW Sunset, two blocks uphill from Capitol Hwy. Unless you're familiar with SW Portland, bring a map or use the Internet. Let me know if you intend to bring a dessert or salad. Beverages are always appreciated. RSVP: davidhavenpsyd@yahoo.com Salem
An adoption support group meets every other month from 6-7:00 pm at Salem's Main Library in their Plaza room. Next meeting will be on September 17. For information contact Christie Van Winkle at justaminion@gmail.com.
Eugene
Karen Luks, adoptive mother, welcomes OA&FS families to join the Eugene-Springfield area Yahoo! Group, by sending an email to EugeneOAFS-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Seattle
Transracial Family Group
For more information, or to be added to the group's email list, contact adoptive parents Terri and Mary-pat at terriandmarypat@comcast.net.
LGBT Adoptive Families Group
The LGBT Adoptive Families Group meets every other month on the first Sunday from 3-5:00 pm. The next gathering is scheduled for Sunday, October 6 from 3-5:00 pm. It will be held at the home of Jennifer, Therese and their daughter Amelia at 891 E Gwinn Place, Seattle 98102. (An upcoming meeting will be held in December.) Olympia
Christa Richardson, adoptive mother, hosts a Yahoo! Group to arrange potlucks in Olympia. Join by sending an email to
olyoafs-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Kitsap Penninsula
Traia Wensel, adoptive mother, invites open adoption families in the Kitsap Penninsula area to join a Yahoo! Group for arranging get togethers and play groups. To join, email:
kitsap_oafs-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
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Welcome to the Pool: 
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In Adoption Planning:
- Melissa Callender and Molly Luby continue to be in adoption planning with expectant parents due in September.
- Karen Uffleman and Scott Stevens are in adoption planning with Seattle expectant parents.
- John and Stacey Marr are in adoption planning with an expectant mother in the Seattle area.
- Kata Issari and Kalei Kanuha are in adoption planning with an expectant mother due in October.
- Jeffrey Crouse and Jason Plowman are in adoption planning with an expectant mother in Oregon who is due in October.
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Congratulations:
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On June 27, Dini Schwarz and Andrew Bernstein of Seattle,  Washington got a most surprising late-night call. They learned about an amazing birthmother who had given birth the day prior. Dini and Andrew arrived at the hospital bright and early the following morning to spend time getting to know their daughter's birthmother, Melissa, along with her parents, and hearing the memorable and unique story of her birth. Andrew and Dini were so impressed with Melissa's strength and courage that they chose to honor their daughter with the name Ettana Priya. Ettana means dedication and strength in Hebrew and Priya is from Melissa's own middle name, which means "beloved" in her birth culture. Dini, Andrew and Melissa have continued to stay in touch since the placement and are incredibly thankful to have found one another. Andrew and Dini are also excited to be in touch with Ettana's birthfather through texts, and look forward to talking with and meeting him someday soon.
- Tee Earls' and Troy Kaser's son Erick Kaser Earls was
 born on July 27. Erick arrived a little earlier than his birthmother Laura expected, and she was still in the early stages of making an adoption plan. She spent the next couple of days thoughtfully planning for her son's life, and when she came across Tee and Troy's materials, she knew they were the parents for Erick. Tee, Troy, and Laura met on July 31, and quickly built a connection with Erick's needs at the forefront. Over the past month, they have gotten to know each other better and have built a strong foundation for their new family. They look forward to telling Erick stories from these early days and celebrating his life for years to come. -
On August 5, Nick Barnett and Ben Alton from Seattle, WA  were in the Ontario, Canada airport about to fly home when they received word that an expectant mother in Ontario, Oregon had chosen them to parent her baby that was about to be born. Nick and Ben made an epic trip and arrived in Ontario, Oregon 7 hours after the birth of their baby girl. Korina knew she had chosen the right parents for her child after she saw the happiness on their faces when they held their little girl. "Rose", the name Ben and Nick were considering, happens to be the name of birthmother Korina's favorite grandmother. Ben and Nick chose Rose's middle name "Lynn" respecting the name the birthmother had chosen to honor her mother. Ben, Nick, and Korina spent three days in Ontario, Oregon creating a solid foundation for their ongoing relationship and bonding with sweet Rose Lynn.
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Ben Ash and Marc Salazar of Seattle learned about the  impending arrival of their son Alexander (Alex) Ash Salazar the day before his birth. Ben, Marc, and birthmother Alicia were able to meet a few hours after Alex was born on August 17. Ben and Marc, along with their older son Julian, arrived at the hospital for an energetic welcome. They met Alicia and many other very important people in her life including her parents, her other son, and his adoptive parents, Shannon and Megan. Everyone shared stories about their lives, backgrounds, and their family. They talked about their future hopes for their growing family. While they only had a short time at the hospital to get to know one another, they have caught up quickly over the past couple of weeks, and have already had a couple family events - including big brother Julian's birthday party, with the new siblings and parents all being able to celebrate. Ben and Marc and Alicia share a great love and commitment for each other and for Alex, as well as for the siblings, grandparents, and all parents involved. They are excited for many years of rambunctious play dates, and parties, and maybe even some quiet afternoons also!
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Addie Humbert and Dan Schechter of Portland were beyond  thrilled to be at the hospital August 27 for the birth of their son, Lucas Matthew Humbert. Addie and Dan had spent the previous two weeks getting to know Harmony, Lucas' birthmother, as well as his three older sisters. The day of Lucas' birth Addie and Dan were able to spend time with several of Harmony's closest friends which they appreciated so much. Harmony, Dan and Addie all feel so fortunate to have found each other and at Lucas' entrustment ceremony Addie and Dan thanked Harmony for making their greatest wish come true.
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Ben Crandall and Matt Dorbin of Seattle, Washington were  thrilled to meet their daughter, Cordelia Elaine, just a short time after her birth on Friday, August 30, in the Midwestern U.S. The adoptive parents chose Cordelia's first name, and invited the birthparents to choose a middle name. They selected Elaine in honor of birthmother Zoe's grandmother. They spent the weekend caring for Cordelia and hanging out with birthparents Tim and Zoe and many extended family members at the hospital. Three-year old big brother Zach has enjoyed meeting his new sister along with Cordelia's half-birthsister, and even loaned his prized blanket to Cordelia in an act of true toddler generosity! Matt and Ben also spent the week prior to birth in the area hanging out with birth family and getting to know them better. Both the birth and adoptive parents have shared how thankful they are to have found one another, how connected they already feel, and how easy it is to spend time together.
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As many people were heading out of Portland on the Friday  afternoon of Labor Day Weekend, Dahnesh Medora and Robin Webster got word that it was labor day for the birthmother of their daughter. So they quickly headed east in hopes of arriving for her birth. They reached the hospital with time to spare and were invited into the birthing room to witness their daughter's birth on Saturday, August 31. Robin and Dahnesh spent time getting to know the birth mother in the month ahead of the birth which was especially important to them since the birth mother is restricted by her family culture from having an open adoption. Robin and Dahnesh, while respecting her wishes, have left the door wide open for future contact should her circumstances change.
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New fiscal year starting
fast out of the gate!
We've been so pleased with the increased expectant parent and placement activity at OA&FS over these recent months. Our new fiscal year began in July, and the numbers are telling a great story.
Expectant Parent
Intakes
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2012-13 Fiscal Year
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2013 Jul/Aug
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% Diff
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Total Calls
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350
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85
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Avg Calls Per Month
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29
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42.5
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+47%
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Adoption Placements
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2012-13 Fiscal Year
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2013 Jul/Aug
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% Diff
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Total Adoptions
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37
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15
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Avg Placements Per Month
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3
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7.5
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+150%
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There's no one silver bullet supporting this uptick, rather a combination of initiatives that include:
We're honored that so many expectant parents are reaching out to the agency and we're hopeful that these strong numbers continue. This confirms our commitment on a daily basis to what we know works: all-options pregnancy counseling, an empowerment model that enables expectant parents to make their own choices in an atmosphere of respect and child-centered, fully open adoptions in which the adoptive and birth families create genuine lifelong relationships.
Reserve your spot to attend
the Lori Holden workshops!
Invites have been sent and RSVPs are coming in for the Lori Holden events. During these, Lori will speak and lead a thought-provoking activity in which she'll address:
- How real families have successfully navigated the pitfalls, joys and triumphs of open adoption.
- How to cope with the thoughts and feelings that come up over the life of your adoption in a healthy way.
- How to have difficult conversations.
- How to invite your child to share feelings and questions about their adoption and work them out with you.
- How to support your child in forming and integrating their identity.
Lori Holden Workshop Info:
Seattle -- Tues. Oct. 1, 7-9:00 pm, 2100 Building, 2100 24th Ave. S.
Portland -- Wed. Oct. 2, 7-9:00 pm, Legacy Meridian Park Education Center conference room. (Note that this location has changed from OA&FS offices to Meridian Park -- same place as the Jim Gritter event. We wanted to make sure to have enough room!)
Eugene -- Thurs. Oct. 3, 7-9:00 pm, First United Methodist Church, 1376 Olive St.
Child care will not be provided, but there will be play areas where parents can supervise their children. Don't miss out on this great opportunity to strengthen your understanding of open adoption relationships! Tickets are $10 each. To purchase yours contact Lori Maas at 1-800-772-1115, lori@openadopt.org.
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Hospitious Adoption
Jim Gritter has generously given us permission to share with you excerpts from his seminal book on open adoption, "Hospitious Adoption". We've added this book to our required reading for good reason -- it provides a road map to explore the creative potential of adoptive relationships. Here, Shari Levine has curated passages from Chapter 8: Doing Hospitality. Enjoy!
Hospitious Tasks
Consider several hospitious behaviors that may help adoptive participants get to know each other better:
Commit to honesty: One of the most difficult things to do as we address differences is to speak the truth. It is often easier to look the other way and overlook our differences, but the easier way will not take us very far. In some instances "Let's just keep it light" conversation may lead to tolerance, but it seldom leads to enduring understanding or connection. Meaningful connection requires deeper honesty.
Modeling and initiative: How can we ask someone to do what we ourselves are reluctant to do? Ideally, each participant will bring initiative and leadership to the arrangement. There are times, though, when everyone slinks to the sidelines. In a tricky moment when nobody knows what to do, let this be our policy: we go first; we take risks.
What's interesting is that the kids notice. Our willingness to step into uncertainty registers with them. They're at an age when they are not inclined to give us credit for very much, but this bit of stretching score more than a few points with them."
Find the common ground: It is not always easy to discover, but there is always common ground to be found. Sometimes it starts weakly - an adoptive father and birthfather who were elated to discover a shared contempt for kitchen curtains come to mind - but there are additional commonalities to be unearthed, and most of these discoveries will be more consequential. Our shared interests give us safe and rewarding territory to enjoy and build on.
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Adoption Related Events 
Path to Parenthood Though Open Adoption.
This work group provides a place for learning and support with your process of pursuing open adoption.
Contact: Michele Greco, Mindful Somatic Coaching, michele@michelegreco.com, 503-880-4868.
Waiting Families
Fridays Sept. 13 thru Nov. 15, 7-8:30 p.m.
Free to prospective adoptive parents and
interested parties. Legacy Emanuel Hospital, Medical Office
Bldg. East.
503 819-5209.
Baby/Toddler Care Class
Saturday Oct. 5, 8:30 am - 4:30 pm
For prospective adoptive parents
Legacy Meridian Park Hospital Education Center, Tualatin.
Registration required.
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Previous Issues:
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August Bulletin
July Bulletin
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1-800-772-1115, Para Espaņol 1-800-985-6763 www.openadopt.org Portland 503-226-4870, FAX 503-226-4891 Eugene 541-343-4825, FAX 541-431-1241 Seattle 206-782-0442, FAX 206-782-0578 |
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