Client transformations

create a profound impact.

People often ask me what I enjoy the most about working at Open Adoption & Family Services. Although there are dozens of aspects of my job that come to mind, one always floats to the top. When I'm able to witness the transformational process of one of our clients, whether they are an expectant parent, birthparent, adoptive parent or open adoptee, it has a profound impact on me. When the process changes them in some fundamental way that shifts their perspective or brings them new insights, I know they will be deeply affected by their experience.

Michele Greco is one of those people. After she and her husband adopted in 2005, she became an OA&FS Board member in 2012. I hope you enjoy her article below as much as I did.

  

Insights from an adoptive parent: 

What to do while you wait.

By Michele Greco, an Adoptive Parent (through OA&FS in 2005) and a Certified Personal Coach, focusing on parenting and open adoption.

So you've gone to the seminar, done all your paperwork, completed your home study... and now are in the "waiting stage". The dreaded "waiting stage"; what to do while your life feels like it's on hold waiting to start.

First off, take a deep breath and look around you. Notice what you see and hear in this moment, really. Then, when you feel truly present, come back to read some more and I'll share what I both realized and learned in hindsight of our adoption process.

The desire to become a parent is often a strongly instinctive one and because making this choice impacts our lives significantly, the importance of giving attention to the entire process of becoming a parent is equally important. After all, just as in gestation, you too are growing a baby... inside your hearts. During this time, the obvious ideal preparation for parenthood, is working to become your best, most joyful self.

As a parent you quickly learn that the best way to teach your kiddo how to be, is to teach or "lead by example". Children learn organically this way, so working to be your best selves right now, gets the wheels in motion. Yes, this could be the part where I list off all you could do with your time and tell you there's no time like the present to start eating better and exercising more.

Before we go there, let's start by focusing on what's really vital: seeing through open, loving and flexible eyes. This approach to daily life is essential for well-being and particularly in parenthood where each day can be filled with new and sometimes unknown adventure. So working to bring this element into our lives right now is key.

Take time to be present in the moment. If something seems to stand in your way, work on what's ailing you. If you found your way to open adoption because of infertility, give yourself as much time and the attention you need to properly heal from that experience. If some part of you feels closed or shut down, consider how you might work to open that up and expand into your fullest most fulfilled self and life, right now. Keep a gratitude journal, recording each night what you feel most thankful for from your day, it can be anything, just get and keep your focus in appreciation.

Work on your relationship even if it's pretty good already. Who doesn't have room for improvement? Besides, the stronger your relationship is going in to parenthood, the smoother the transition will be. Our relationships teach us the most valuable things about ourselves. In fact, it is the learning and growing that happen in our relationships with our children that in part attracts us to parenthood, so why not get the growing going now.

Learning to live life in the now is the only way to live a life with less stress. Living in the future and in the past is almost always accompanied with pressure and stress since there is generally something we are holding on to that we think is important. Not only is it often not serving us, it isn't even a part of the present moment. Being in the moment is essential to connecting in relationship in an attentive and authentic way. Start this now, clear away the agenda that is running through you and just trust that it will still be there to guide you, while you are fully present in the moment.

If the present moment is displeasing, consider how you'd like it to be. Then work hard on getting there and getting any new desired habits and routines comfortably in place. Yes it takes time and a shift in priorities to make change happen and so does parenting, so again, this is part of starting the process now. Getting the self-care piece in place, if it's not already, is very important as these habits are what will keep you a happy, healthy and patient parent later on down the line. So visualize, imagine, dream about what you want and then make choices in the present moment that support that.

Next, consider what it means to be a parent. To love unconditionally, to nurture and inspire growth and joy, to provide attentive positive presence. These are just a few that come to mind. I encourage you to make your own list and then to look around your life and check out where you are already parenting. Is it on the job, in your family relationships or friendships? Step into this parenting side of yourself more fully and allow yourself to truly feel this part of your life experience.

What do you like about this role in your life? What don't you like about it? What do you do well and where can you improve? How can you be motivated and empowered to shift up the areas that you would like to experience differently? If you have too few opportunities that provide a parenting experience in your life at the moment, create some. Get involved in your community, volunteer. During our wait, I volunteered for the SMART reading program and helped kindergartners and first graders in the schools improve their reading skills and share the joys of reading. It was so wonderful to work with and be around all those children.

Find another area you can apply yourself in a loving and helpful way. Volunteer at the Humane Society or find the "just right" volunteer experience for you by calling "Hands On Greater Portland", they can match you up. In general, it is the time to stop putting off those things you've told yourself you're going to do "someday" because today is that day.

Now, here goes the list: finally take up yoga, simplify your life, take time to meditate, learn a new language, or to play an instrument, start that hobby that you've been thinking about, tackle a landscaping project, cook more, try new recipes, invent your own, because this is the stuff that gets harder to make time for later. Read more, sleep more and start now visualizing and living the life you want! As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "Life is a journey, not a destination", and the journey starts now.  

Marketing Update      

Results flow from communications cascade.

We're impressed by the creativity, variety and specialized information that's so well communicated by the Family Books. (Check out these fantastic new arrivals from Sean and Stefan, Deb and Corey and Todd and Tessa!) The attention these receive from expectant parents reinforces the reasons why our agency marketing is becoming more and more effective.

All of the marketing we do is evaluated as seen through the eyes of our primary target audience - women ages 16-30. Engaging them requires search engine presence, (both in "sponsored" and "organic" search results), social media savvy, a website that's visually appealing both on desktop and mobile devices and an understanding that this group hates to be "sold". They want authenticity, sincerity, transparency and honesty ... all of which we're happy to provide. And we're rewarded for doing so. Recent numbers have been exceptionally strong, such as:

• June hit an all-time peak of 50 expectant parent calls. Our goal is 30 calls per month, and since April we've averaged nearly 40! (Five-year average prior to FY 2012-13 was 21.)
• Clicks on our sponsored search ads - Google Adwords - have increased from 45 per day in June to 53 per day - a 17% lift. (A modest budget boost to a high-performing ad really paid off.)
• Overall visits to our website are up 20%. Comparing to the month before the new website launched, we've gained 57%.
• Organic search visits to the website are up 22%.
• Visits to our site via Facebook on mobile devices are exploding - up 63%!
• The rate of our Facebook page likes is going up ... from an average of 14 per day to 22 - up 57%.
• Last week a southern Oregon group of womens' health centers requested 28 packets of take one cards with holders and 100 each of the pregnancy option inserts and open adoption brochures.

(Note:  Number comparisons are past 30 days compared to 30 days previous to this range unless otherwise noted.)

As more women and couples learn of OA&FS' high integrity program and professional counseling services, the results speak for themselves. In this Bulletin's announcements there are five families in adoption planning and seven placements. And the work continues. In development are online forms for expectant parents to contact us directly through the website. More on that later!

 Outreach News 

• On July 15, Eastern Oregon counselor, Angie Lunde made a presentation with Department of Human Services staff in Enterprise, OR.  The audience of four included three new staff;  the child welfare supervisor, the tri-county child welfare screening person and a domestic violence advocate.  All asked pertinent questions and were enthusiastic about the option of adoption they can give clients.
• On July 17, Portland Counselor Kate Sturm presented information to eight workers at Healthy Start in Gladstone, OR. At the presentation the Kate discussed  the all-options counseling services available through OA&FS and provided information on  the agencies open adoption process. The group was supportive and engaged in the discussion.
• On July 18, Eastern Washington Contract Counselor Marianne Harris presented information on open adoption, pregnancy options counseling, and open adoption as an alternative to state adoptions to six staff members at Okanogan Family Planning in Omak, WA.  Having such limited resources in their remote area, the staff was very excited to learn more about the services that OA&FS provides.  They were also happy to learn more about effective pregnancy options counseling.  They had many questions about open adoption and feel much more prepared to be able to present open adoption as an option to patients who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. 
• On July 18, Eugene Counselor Jan Jamieson presented information to two Looking Glass programs in Eugene, New Roads and Station 7.  Both programs provide services to homeless youth and OA&FS was asked to attend staff meetings at both locations to share information about our services and our philosophy regarding open adoption.  Jan spoke with 18 staff members and many attendees were particularly interested in discussing with their clients the option of choosing an open adoption through OA&FS as an alternative to State adoption.  Thank you Chris and Jessica for inviting us to your meeting!
•  On July 24, Seattle Counselor Courtney Gray spoke with three employees of Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest (PPGNW) about their role in options counseling and discussing adoption as an option. Courtney described OA&FS services, and provided information and tools for supporting women who are unsure about their pregnancy choices. The three staff members asked wonderful questions and shared anecdotes of how this information may come in handy for them. All were happy to know of OA&FS as a referral source for more in-depth options counseling and support.

Gatherings 

Attending gatherings is an important way to be better equipped and prepared for adoption. Plus you get the benefits of developing friendships within the OA&FS community!  We look forward to seeing you.

Portland

We won't be having a gathering at the office in July or August, but will resume in October after the agency's summer picnic on Saturday, September 14 at Woodstock Park in SE Portland!

Eugene

Eugene area groups will resume in October. However, feel free to join our Out of Area Waiting Families Group over the summer, or anytime, to continue to connect with the agency and other waiting families. Come join us for the Eugene Summer Picnic on August 10 from 12-2:00 pm at Bethel Community Park.   

We have no gatherings during the summer months and will resume our monthly meeting in October. We hope to see everybody Saturday, August 17 at Magnuson Park from 11:00 am-2:00 pm with the Reptile Man!   

Out of State Waiting Families

This month's phone gathering for Out of State clients will be held on Tuesday, August 20 from 4-6:00 pm PST. This month's meeting will be facilitated by Seattle counselor, Maria Villegas, and will be on the topic of screening emails and calls. Maria will provide information on what types of situations may elicit the need for a screening email or call, who receives them, and the processes related to them both before and after.  There will be plenty of opportunity to discuss your own experiences with screening situations that you may have been a part of, answer questions, and also discuss the emotional impact that screenings can have on you while you wait. As always, there will be time to check-in generally as well about how each of you are doing.  

Teleconference Instructions: The OA&FS conference call-in room number is 530-881-1000, use participant code 252531#. Please RSVP to Lori Maas at lori@openadopt.org 

Community Gatherings

Check out the following community events and resources organized by other OA&FS adoptive parents in your area:

Portland

Portland Adoptive Families group will hold a potluck this month. Waiting and adoptive families are welcome to come and socialize!

When: Wednesday, August 28, at 6:30pm 

Where: Todd Jollo and Tessa Osborne's house, 7928 SE Tolman St., Portland

RSVP: tjollo2006@yahoo.com 

Salem

Announcements

Congratulations:     

• Lynette Winter of Portland, OR was up late on June

  11 to receive "the call" that she had been chosen to parent beautiful Isabella Cassandra Winter who had arrived one day earlier. Lynette headed south the next morning to meet her daughter and her daughter's birthmother Cassandra. Their time together was brief but established a wonderful beginning to their open adoption. Cassandra and Lynette both look forward to deepening their relationship through ongoing contact.  
• Michael and Suzanne Schlador were thrilled to welcome their new son Henry George into the world on June 13. His big sister thinks he is pretty amazing, at least most of the time. They honored the birthmom with a beautiful open heart necklace and gave the birthdad a really special Father's Day card (Father's Day was the next day) with the baby's footprints inside. Michael then surprised Suzanne with an open heart necklace so she and birthmom have matching open hearts! It's a perfect symbol  for  the beautiful and connected relationship they have. 
• Elijah Randall was born five minutes after his birthmom arrived at the hospital on July 6.

  Julie and Blake Murphy were very excited and happy to meet their son. They were able to spend time prenatally with Elijah's birth family including going to doctor appointments and playing at the park. Elijah is a happy and healthy little guy and Julie and Blake are feeling very blessed with this new addition to their family.
• At 7 pm on Saturday July 13, Vicki and Jeff Curtis received "the call" 

  that would change their lives very quickly. They were told a little girl had been born the day prior, July 12, and her birthmom would like them to meet her. They quickly packed up and headed out for an almost 12-hour drive and arrived at the hospital early the next afternoon where they met their beautiful daughter Jamie Pearl and her amazing birthmom. It was love at first sight and a very sweet event to witness as Vicki held her for the first time and Jamie just melted into her arms. They are all looking forward to an open relationship and have sent  a book of pictures along with a necklace with the name Jamie to her birthmom.
• On Friday, June 28, Lisa and Dean Williams got the call that not only 

  

  had they been chosen by an expectant mother, but that she was in the early stages of labor and was packing her bag to go to the hospital! They met with the expectant mother Ashley that evening in the hospital cafeteria, and there was such an immediate connection between everyone that the expectant mother invited them to join her in her hospital room, where it was discovered that she was not in active labor and sent home. Ashley's due date was pushed back a couple of weeks, giving all of them more time to develop a stronger relationship, and giving Lisa and Dean time to meet with the birthfather, who consented to the adoption. On July 16, baby Peter was born around 9:00 pm, with Lisa and Dean in the room to welcome him to the world. All are feeling positive about the strong relationship that has been built, and look forward to future barbecues, celebrations and developing even deeper connections.
• On July 16, Shannon and Andy Crain of Portland, OR and 

  their excited son Reid, welcomed

  Aria into their family. Aria's birthparents were thoughtful in putting together an adoption plan for their 11-month-old daughter, and they feel the Crains are the perfect fit! Everyone looks forward to celebrating Aria's first birthday together and Shannon and Andy have already started to build a strong, loving, foundation for the newest member of their family.
• On July 20 at about 7 pm Brad Cota and Adam Smith were

  attending a friends' baby shower and enjoying a relaxing evening. Soon they got a call that changed their weekend plans. Counselor Kate Sturm was contacting them about a birthmother she'd been working with on a last minute placement. As soon as Brad and Adam heard about the birthmother and child they knew it was a "YES". They scheduled a time for the next day to meet birthmother Stephanie.  Shortly after they were running to Babies 'R' Us to stock up on supplies. The couple jokes that the staff kept announcing it was closing time but they just kept frantically shopping! Early the next day the couple met with Stephanie at a local park. Everyone hit it off immediately. After the meeting they all ate lunch together and as birthmother Stephanie said "it just felt like we were old friends". Five short hours later Adam and Brad left the hospital with their beautiful son Henry Leo Cota. At the Entrustment Brad, Adam, and Stephanie all exchanged kind words of love, admiration, and hopes for the future with one another.

Adoption Related Events

Path to Parenthood Though Open Adoption.

This work group provides a place for learning and support with your process of pursuing open adoption. 

Contact: Michele Greco, Mindful Somatic Coaching, michele@michelegreco.com, 503-880-4868.