Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game.
"Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don't fix it the food will go bad". Kate said. Paul yells back "Who do I look like? The fridge repair man? I don't think so!"
A little while later Kate says "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, its out". "Who do I look like? An electrician? I don't think so!" Paul says.
A few minutes later Kate says "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it". Paul quickly replies "Who do I look like? A carpenter? I don't think so!"
Frustrated, he gets up and leaves and goes to a bar down the road.
After the game was over, he began to feel slightly guilty for the way he treated his wife so he went on home.
He comes up the porch and realises that the step is fixed.
He walked into the house and noticed that the hall light was fixed.
He walked into the kitchen to get a cold beer and noticed that the fridge was fixed.
Paul sees his wife and says "Babe, how did you fix all this?" She looked at him and said "Well after you left I began to cry on the porch. A fine young man walked past and noticed I was crying and he asked me what he could do to help. He fixed everything. I asked him what I could do for payment. He said I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him".
Paul says "Well... what kind of cake did you bake him?" Kate looks at him and replies
"Who do I look like? Betty Crocker? I don't think so!"
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Do Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
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Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favourite dog with his brother, James. While in Europe,
Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks "So, James, how's my favourite dog doing?" James very tersely says "Your dog is dead". "What?" says Phil "You can't just tell someone his favourite dog is dead without a warning! You have to ease him into it".
"How?" says James. "Well, the first day I call, tell me my dog is on the roof" remarked Phil. "Tell me the dog is going to be fine and not to worry. The next day, when I call to ask about my dog, tell me that you were about to get her down, when she jumped off of the roof and broke her leg. Tell me the doctors say the dog will be ok, but it will have to stay at the vet's for a while. Are you getting all of this?" "Yes" says James"
"Good". remarks Phil. "Then the next day, when I call back, tell me that there was severe internal bleeding that the vet didn't pick up, and that my favourite dog died at 2:00 this morning. That way it won't be such a shock to me. Got it??" "Yes".
"Good, so, how's Grandma doing?" asks Phil.
"Well" James replies "She's on the roof..."
