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Your Chuckle for today
There were four university students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to New York and visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the University until late Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their Professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire?
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An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed "hey old woman, have you ever danced?" the old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to".
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now" and started shooting at the old woman's feet.
The old woman prospector -not wanting to get her toe blown off- started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she quietly said "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's behind?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said "No ma'am... But... I've always wanted to".
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
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When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter".
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him".
God turned to the one man "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied "My wife told me to stand here".
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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked 'How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said "About 2 hours". The guy left but did not return that day.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said "About 3 hours". The guy left and again, did not return that day.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said "About an hour and a half". The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said "Hey, Bob, do me a favor follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back later.
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes from laughing and said "Your house!" | 
