St Patrick's Day Celebrations!

During and following the great potato famine of 1846, some 4,000,000 Irish left their country. About 90% of them came to the New World to start a new life, bringing St. Patrick along.

In the U.S., it is primarily a festive day filled with good cheer, parades, the "wearing of the green," shamrocks, and song. We all celebrate the day right along with the Irish, though not with quite the same fervor and tradition!
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The actual dye is orange. It turns green when it's churned into the water. The discovery of this phenomenon was made by members of Chicago's pipefitters union back in 1962, and the union has been dyeing the river for St. Pat's ever since.

In 1962, over 100 pounds of dye were dumped into the river, leaving it green for days. Now, only 40 pounds are dispersed, but because the River was reversed to run backwards away from the lake, even one day later, the entire river for many blocks to the west remains a shamrock-colored fairway.

 

Some

Irish Wisdom

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
 --Oscar Wilde

 

Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.

"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender
 
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
 

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A career change?

A proctologist having become fed up with malpractice insurance premiums, insurance paperwork, and the nature of his job in general, was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the proctologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career 

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To all our clients, Irish or not, have a safe and happy St Patricks Day celebration

 

 May your castle be grand

and your lawn always green!

 

 Paddy on

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy!" Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite!" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
 

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep Breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. "Bi' Jasus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
 

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin" way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
 

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a wee bit too much to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin" pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned... you left your bloody wheelchair at the pub again."