A FEW FACTS ABOUT MEN
- Men like to barbeque. Men will cook if danger is involved.
- Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
- If a woman buys her husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, she needs to lock the door when she goes to the bathroom.
- Men are very confident people. A husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates, he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room and if they are really in trouble, the wife has to get off the phone in case they call him.
- Women should not try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
- A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
- Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
- Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a camp fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
- All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Ask disgruntled women for a list of names.
- Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Woman have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
- Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, sleep next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
- Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
- If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious about you.
- If you're dating a man who you think is Mr Right and if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise.
- The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on caterpillars and butterflies.
- Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleader's outfits get tighter and player's shorts get baggier and longer.
- No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
- When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
-When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
- Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
- Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am i emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outstropective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
- If a man says "I'll call you" and doesn't, he didn't forget, he didn't lose your number, he didn't die, he just didn't want to call you.
- Men hate to lose. If a woman beats her husband at tennis, she might ask him "Are we ever going to be in love again?" He might say "Yes, but not with each other".
- Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you really want to get rid of a man say "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have your children". Sometimes they leave skid marks.
- Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
- Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. Women need men emotionally and intimately, but they also need men to help them get dressed.
- Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
- When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
- Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
- Men forget everything, women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
- Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
- All men would still really like to own a train set.
- If you leave men alone while they enjoy the occasional Cuban cigar and favorite beverage, they will be happier and not complain when you buy 3 pairs of shoes!
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A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her Husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Honey" he says "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
