Kids were crying in the huddle after the game. We (yes, "we" - I'm coaching 10/11 Rocket Football) were 3-0 and in a dogfight with another undefeated team. Both sides were making plays and making mistakes. Last play of the game, our running...back spun and broke tackles for an amazing 29 yard run. We needed 30 yards for the tying touchdown.
I asked the boys what was behind their tears. Reasons ranged from appropriate disappointment to frustration to anger. You could see the emotional pain some were feeling. And I could tell that it was already starting. Winning meant too much.
So I asked them, "Why does one yard change your entire perception of how you played? If our RB made one more yard, why would you feel better about your personal performance?" How is it that with one more yard I would have had a team that felt GREAT about their performance? But instead they felt bad, not good enough, and were not proud of their effort, their fight, and their resilience. How did one yard erase all that they had accomplished? (And interestingly, why do we forgive our mistakes so easily when we win?) The focus is wrong. We have to focus on the process, not the outcome.
Honestly, I didn't mind the tears of disappointment with the loss. We play to win. It shows they cared and that it matters to them. That is good. To those boys I said, "Identify one thing you would like to have done better and work on it this week. Football (and life) is a game of improvement. Learn something and this loss is not wasted."
But to those who cried because they needed to win, "Focus on what you can control: your effort, your focus, your sport integrity and how you played the game. That reflects your character. Attach your worth to the person you are, not the outcome of a game or your grades, or your job, or how much money you make, or your body, or ..."
