Divorce: Parallel Parenting Defined

• Do not get along
• Are very reactive to each other
• Feel extremely uncomfortable in each others' presence
• Have an order of protection
• Can't cooperate in one or more major areas of parenting

What is the reason for proposing parallel parenting?

• Children need time with each parent.
• They have a right not to be always in the middle of the conflict.
• Each parent has a a right to a relationship with the child without the interference of the other parent.
• The level of conflict between the parents is the greatest predictor of how children do after a divorce. Reducing the level of conflict improves a child's prognosis.

What makes a parallel parenting agreement different from a more traditional parenting agreement?

• Nothing is assumed. Everything is spelled out in great detail.
• There is no personal information shared with the other parent.
• Meetings and exchanges are public and formal.
• Calls and meetings take place during regular business hours and are time limited.
• Following the meeting, the parent initiating the meeting should send a written summary confirming understandings on key points.
• Meetings may require the presence of a third party. Ideally, this would be a Parenting Coordinator.

How does parallel parenting work?

• Parents have little or no interaction with each other.
• The schedule is written down in detail on a calendar. Loopholes breed conflict.
• There is no assumption of flexibility in scheduling.
• Each parents' household functions independently. What happens is not discussed with the other parent.
• Major decisions are communicated rather than discussed by the parent who has the authority to make decisions during that time.
• Parents avoid face to face communication and communicate through a neutral source such as Our Family Wizard.
• Transition times take place at a neutral location. Each parent is responsible for contacting the school regarding meetings, report cards or other communication.

Rights of Teens Regarding Confidentiality under the Mental Health and Developmental Disabilities Confidentiality Act

Many parents who come to our office are surprised to learn that their child, if they are at least 12,

must consent to the release of mental health information.

Who has the right to the records protected by the Act? You have the right to copy and inspect your own records if you are age 12 and older. In addition, the following people have the right to inspect and copy the records upon request:

• The guardian of a child under age 12
• The guardian of a recipient who is age 18 or over
• An attorney and guardian ad litem representing a minor age 12 years or older with a court order
• An agent appointed by a recipient under a Power of Attorney for Health Care or Property
• An attorney-in-fact named in a declaration of preferences or instructions regarding mental health treatment under the Mental Health Declaration Treatment Preference Declaration Act

Disclosure of Records to Parents of Children Age 12 to 18:

A parent or guardian of a recipient of services who is over 12 but under age 18 may always have access to certain kinds of records. Those are records about the child's current condition, diagnosis, treatment and medications being provided, and the treatment and services needed.

The parent or guardian may have access to other kinds of mental health or developmental disabilities service records if the child does not object or if the therapist does not feel there is a strong reason to deny the parent access to the records. If the therapist or the child denied access to those records, the parent or guardian may file court action to seek access.