Special Needs and Divorce:

Choosing a Lawyer

Our office represents many clients with children with special needs who are in the process of divorce or post-decree matters. Recently, I hosted a webinar entitled Special Needs Divorce. One of the questions that we often are asked is what to look for in choosing a divorce attorney given the unique circumstances. The following list will hopefully help you in identifying those qualities that are important to you and assist you in finding a divorce attorney that is the right fit for you:

• Ask Friends: Did the attorney return phone calls? Explain the process? Be clear about client expectations?
• Determine what they found most helpful in their attorney and what they disliked.
• Interview several attorneys.
• Ask about their experience with special needs children and families.
• Attorneys often are called upon to be therapist and confidant. However, they are not mental health professionals.
• Determine how complex your divorce will be in these discussions.
• Bring a list of questions.
• Be upfront about all the issues.
• Ask about costs and billing practices. (Paralegal time, travel)
• Ask your attorney how quickly you can expect a return phone call. Our office has a policy of returning calls in almost every case on the same day it is received.
• The costs of a case can hinge on the other spouse and their desire to be reasonable or to litigate every issue.
• Ask your attorney about their philosophy regarding settlement or trial.
• No one can guarantee results. Be wary of attorneys who do.  

I attend IEP meetings several times a week. Most of the time, school personnel are professional and genuinely want to work things out. However, there are those exceptions where districts create an atmosphere that makes it more likely that things will not be resolved and the parents will ask me to request the appointment of an Impartial Hearing Officer (due process) to resolve their dispute. A few years ago, I did a presentation for school administrators entitled:

The Top 10 Ways to Assure a Due Process Request:

1.  Roll your eyes at the parent or their private provider each time they speak.

2.  Text constantly throughout the meeting. After all, this is boring and you have better things to do.

3.  Write notes and circulate them between the staff in clear view of the parents.

4.  Explain to the parent that their child is doing as well as could be expected given "who they are".

5.  Suggest that the parent seek psychiatric help.

6.  Blame the mother or father for the disability and emphasize that things at home are really the issue. 

7.  "Surprise" the parents with evaluations or progress reports.

8.  Insist that the parents make all decisions in the meeting.

9.  Look at your watch repeatedly. Indicate at 10 minute intervals that your staff has another meeting and that the parents are limited to one hour. In fact, be sure to let them know that all IEP meetings have one hour limits.

10.  Dismiss all the parents' concerns and refuse to include them in the IEP because your district doesn't address those issues.

11.  Finally, remind them that all students with that disability get the same level of service . (e.g. all students with autism get no more than 60 minutes per week of speech).

This was an attempt to poke fun at things that as a special education attorney, I have witnessed in IEP meetings. In the interest of fairness, some of the same things have been done by parents and assured that the district stopped listening. The point is that the actions listed above are to be avoided by all parties. They don't work and are sure to result in stilted discussions and limited results.