September 2012 IssueVol 4, Issue 4


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  


Dear (Contact First Name),

WELCOME EVERYONE! We are grateful that you have chosen to be a part of our online community. 


Featured Article: Anticipating Grief by Cheryline Lawson, gives an overview of how anticipating the loss of a loved one that is terminally ill can affect family, friends and the person who is dying.  


I know from my own experience that anticipatory grief can be an extremely stressful time, filled with a wide array of emotions. When the doctors had determined that there was no further treatment that they could provide my mom, it was a very difficult time for our entire family. Each day before my mom passed away was filled with a great deal of anxiety because we did not know if "today" would be her last day. Yet in the mix of the anxiety, we were given the tremendous gift of being able to spend quality time together and we were able to say goodbye in a meaningful way.


Although we had time to prepare for my mom's death, it did not lessen the grief we experienced after she had passed away. I personally have found that grief has its own timeframe and it is a journey with many peaks and valleys - no matter how much time you have to prepare yourself.


New Book Available on Kindle - How To Mourn: Help For Those Who Grieve and the Ones Who Support Them by Ellen Gerst, now available on Kindle. Download for free today, Sunday, September 30th.


We invite you to explore our past newsletters and share them with a friend.  Click here for our Newsletter Archives. If there is a specific topic that you would like us to include in our newsletter this Fall, please email us at


Be sure to also join us on Facebook and Twitter for resources and on-going discussions on ways to assist a loved one that is grieving. 


Do you have an inspirational story you would like to share? We invite you to submit your inspirational stories, letters that have reached your heart, a favorite quote or poem, an unforgettable outing, or a book that touched your life. We would love to hear from you.  



With Love and Gratitude, 








No act of kindness, no matter how small,
is ever wasted.
~ Aesop, The Lion and the Mouse



In This Issue
Featured Article
How to Mourn - New on Kindle
Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
About Us
Quick Links

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Featured Article

featureAnticipating Grief

By Cheryline Lawson


Anticipating grief is never an easy thing. The thought that our loved one is going to die is not a consoling fact. Anticipatory grief is the period during which a patient or family member expects to die. Anticipatory grief is quite similar to the after effects of losing a loved one. The emotions are no less different than when one experiences a tragic and sudden death of a loved one. It is the same loss and it hurts just as bad. It comes with some of the same feelings of guilt, shock and denial and is associated with cultural, and social reactions to the loss.


Anticipatory grief creates tremendous concern for the person who is dying, fearful preparation of the departure of their loved one, and making the adjustments to life without the loved one. The only difference between anticipating grief and dealing with a tragic loss is that it gives the family some time to make plans and to spend more time with the person as well as accepting the reality of their loss.


There is time to forgive where any unforgiveness exist. There is time to talk about things that were kept in secret. There is time to carry out the wishes of the one who will die and time to make any amends to the relationship.


Some people may not experience anticipatory grief because of denial. The grief will take place after losing their loved one. It is the same grieving process and doesn't make it any better to endure. The grief experienced before a death does not shorten the grief after death. Each individual grieves differently and the time it will take depends on many different factors.


Grief that occurs when someone dies tragically or suddenly can be more overwhelming than anticipatory grief because of the trauma and shock, which comes with it. There is no time to spend with the loved one and no warning signs. This puts the person in a corner to confront the unexpected, which can lessen the coping abilities of that person and make normalcy seem distant.


The impact of their loss may not be realized right away and acceptance is hard to imagine. The life of that person may not make sense and the emotional repercussions will develop into insurmountable problems if not dealt with right away.


There are some people who may believe that anticipatory grief is unusual. However, it can happen to anyone of us and being prepared for it is not realistic. Acceptance to the possibility of the death of your loved one will leave you feeling that you are abandoning that person. There is no way to explain the emptiness and fear of the future. An expectation of the loss may only create an attachment to the dying person even stronger, which does not make it any easier to accept the inevitable. The dying person also experiences grief and this makes it harder for everyone involved.


No matter how our loved one dies, the process of grief seems to be very similar in nature in all cases. It all depends on each individual and how much they deal with grief in their lives.


About Cheryline Lawson

Cheryline Lawson is the mother who has been on an emotional journey of losing her only child and has written a book titled, "Coping with Grief," and is giving proceeds of the book back to a support group that is helping grieving families.


Article Source:

How To Mourn
How to MournbookHow To Mourn: Help For Those Who Grieve and the Ones Who Support Them [Kindle Edition]
Ellen Gerst  
If you know anyone who has lost a loved one, or you're the one supporting a mourner, Ellen Gerst has written a new book that can help. "How To Mourn: Help For Those Who Grieve and the Ones Who Support Them" is available for a free download this Friday through Sunday, Sept 28-30.
Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas

Sympathy Gifts 


is a jar or box of 31 messages enclosed in mini decorative envelopes for the recipient to open each day or anytime they need a smile. Our original concept brings back the sentiment of an old-fashioned letter in the midst of modern day technology and emails. Whether it's a fond memory, words of inspiration, love or thanks, the recipient will always appreciate notes that will brighten their day.

 Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones. We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.


Watch for Holiday Specials starting in October!

About I Did Not Know What To & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson

Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.  Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Share Your Story. Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to 

If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

If you have a website, Blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:   

I Did Not Know What To Say is a website created to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.

With Love & Gratitude,


Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

Copyright 2012' I Did Not Know What To Say(TM) Newsletter.  All Rights Reserved.