All of our chatter, our dramas, our stories, and our distractions in this world are about keeping us from awareness of what we are. It is to distract us from the present moment by drowning out our awareness of God's love and of the experience of Oneness. We know this is what is going on if anything but peace and joy are in our experience. What our defenses do is keep out God's Love. His Love is analogous to the sun, shining constantly on us, inviting us to enjoy its warmth while we hang out in the dark, complaining there is no light in our lives. "What makes this world seem real except your own denial of the truth that lies beyond?" (W.165.1.1) The truth is there, and we are actively pushing it out of awareness with our thoughts of misery and death. The responsibility is all ours. We don't like to take that much responsibility. We look for our saviors outside of ourselves, but we are the ones who have to save ourselves. We do that by giving up our attack thoughts.
 
We clearly don't want this kind of responsibility, so we blame others and make them responsible for taking away our peace. We tell others that if it weren't for them, we would be happy. If they did not say and do what upsets us, we would be happy. Yet if peace is our natural state and already in us and we don't experience it, then we are the ones actively choosing to throw it away, while blaming others for taking it from us. Fortunately, while we can deny the peace that is always there within us, we can't change the fact that we are still a thought in the Mind of God and have not left our Source, which is our life.

We are asked to notice how we defend against God's love, but not to judge ourselves for this. The defenses we set up against love are not a bad thing. The ego is neither good nor bad, but it is actually nothing at all. Rather than loving or hating it, eventually we will recognize its nothingness. Expecting the ego not to distract and defend is like expecting a bear not to do what bears do, or kids not to do what kids do. Yet just as we learn patience with kids, we must be patient and gentle with ourselves as we take this journey back to the recognition of the Self. As we go through this process, there will be conflict because we are holding two thought systems in our minds. We are constantly choosing between listening to the voice of the ego or turning to the quiet truth within that reminds us that what we are experiencing is not the truth.

We are walking this path back to where we never left, to the awareness of who we really are, and this requires we now learn to live in the mystery of not knowing. It is the "I know" mind we are familiar with. It encompasses all of our beliefs, values and opinions about everything. To accept that we don't know, means we must learn to let go of preconceived notions of everything. Ultimately, we need to give up our attachment to this world that we think is our home. We don't need to seek for what is true. This journey is about undoing the false. Surrendering into the unknowing can be a disorienting time, which is why Jesus goes to great lengths to help us to understand what we have done, how the ego has set all of this up and what is to come in the process of healing.

What is it that makes this world so real to us? It is precisely our denial of the divine Self we are. This denial is reflected in our choice for the ego. Why was this choice made? We believe we have abandoned God, stolen our life at His expense, and now He is coming after us for our sin. We fled into the body and the world, which is our core defense against His love. The ego has led us to believe we are now guilty for it says that what we have done is a sin and we should fear the wrath of God and expect punishment. Think about the God that is described in the Bible and what is said about us as sinners. Can you see how this is the god made by the ego? We have projected onto him our own ego characteristics, only now he is a more powerful ego. This is not the God that Jesus teaches us about in the Course. Jesus tells us we have done nothing and we are still innocent. Do we get that? No, not as long as we still invest in the body and our individual self and the world as a defense against the truth of who we are. This world, which feels so real to us, is actually all illusion. Think about what that means. It means that nothing here will last. Bodies don't last. The earth won't last. Nothing here is real. The only thing we can truly count on is the eternal.

Jesus is teaching us that the physical world is actually just a projection of our minds and thus an illusion. It is a radical thought, but only a concept until we have the experience of the truth. When we have an experience of the mystical, or even glimpses of it, where we see that the world is a dream, then the truth of this teaching becomes more real to us. What we see in the world actually reflects what is going on in our minds. Thus, it is the effect of our thoughts. Yet we think the world is the cause of our experiences here. We are victims of those experiences, starting at our birth when we experience our dependency and loudly proclaim we did not ask to be born and that the ego set it up that way. Yet it is not the truth. Nothing happens to us without our choice and our decision.

Because the world is a reflection of our thoughts, it now becomes a valuable tool for our awakening. This reflection helps us to see the state of our mind, as now we can see what we are projecting. When we are willing to take responsibility for our thoughts, recognizing all of our experiences are a product of those thoughts, then we can make another choice. Instead of seeing ourselves as victims of external conditions, we recognize that the power of our minds create the conditions of our lives. For example, if there is a conflict that shows up today, I know I must be projecting the conflict in my mind. I can now choose to look within at my own inner conflict, where it can be healed.

Because we are in denial and don't recognize our unconscious guilt projected onto the world, we need these opportunities offered by the situations presented in the world for us to see our projections. Our thoughts of misery and death obscure the perfect happiness God has willed for us. The reason we don't experience our perfect happiness is not because God is elusive or is hiding from us, but because we are hiding behind our denial. What God has given is not obscure. Jesus is telling us God can't be concealed except by our choice to deny the truth. It is our choice to listen to the lies of the ego. Jesus keeps reminding us we are responsible. By releasing all that is false and of our own making, the thought system of the ego can be released. We are bringing our awareness to it and giving it over to the Holy Spirit, who will shine it away.

Sometimes, I think I am doing just that and wonder why the fearful feelings continue. When I really look at my process, I see I am still choosing to hold onto these feelings, while pretending to ask for help. This is why we have to be so very honest with ourselves. Sometimes we would rather not turn over our anger and despair, still seeing benefit to ourselves in holding onto it. We justify why we simply can't let it go when, in fact, we are choosing not to.

The only answer for our peace and happiness is to bring our fearful thoughts to the Holy Spirit. Pursuing peace and happiness in the world is our attempt to escape from the fear, the loneliness and our feelings of isolation by indulging our egos. It is an attempt to try to repress or block these thoughts and feelings from our awareness by pursuing a variety of distractions. The ego needs experience. It hates boredom, and, while we say we want peace, we do everything to be rid of it. Why? Because the peace of God is threatening to the ego.

The Thought of God has not left us nor could we ever be apart from it for an instant. It is our very life. "By it you live. It is your Source of life, holding you one with it, and everything is one with you because it left you not." (W.165.2.4-5) If we were to be unplugged from this Thought, we would no longer live, since we would no longer have a Source. It is this Thought that offers everything. When we deny it, we deny our absolute safety, our protection, our soft resting place, our peace, our joy, our rest, our soft awakening, and our happiness. All this and more is available to us in every moment. This is what Heaven is, and it is here NOW. It is ours today even though we are not aware of it. "It is yours today, but for the asking." (W.165.4.2) We look for our heaven in this world, but it is not here. There is no happiness or peace to be found in this world. It is a world of fear, of attack and of injustice, but none of it is real. It is all the same, all nothing.
 
To receive what we have denied, we just need to ask and it is given. We don't need to be utterly convinced or to have no doubt thoughts. If conviction were required as a prerequisite to asking, God would indeed be unfair. Jesus tells us this is not the case. "Yet God is fair," (W.165.4.7) he assures us, because we don't have to be certain to ask. We simply "Ask with desire." (W.165.5.1) He knows we will have doubt, but "What would induce you now to let it fade away from your  ecstatic vision." (W.165.5.5) Our experience on this journey is that we do have doubt, and we may even question at times whether this is the path for us. Along the way we have lots of uncertainty. We waver. We leave the path at times. We wonder if God is really there, because we don't see evidence of Him in the world and feel He is obscure and distant from us.
 
Jesus knows our divided state of mind and our distress at our lack of discipline and commitment. Thus, he assures us,  "Sureness is not required to receive what only your acceptance can bestow." (W.165.4.8) In spite of all of your doubts, simply ask and welcome the moments of respite as yours. As we bring our darkness to the light, space is made in our minds, where our doubt thoughts are released and truth is welcomed in. Then "you will be sure you have the treasure that you have always sought" (W.165.5.3) as it becomes apparent, and with it comes certainty this is all we would ever want. Now we are sure. This certainty is what our Father already holds about us. Since we are host to Him, that certainty has to be in us as well. "This course removes all doubts which you have interposed between Him and your certainty of Him." (W.165.7.6)
 
No matter how deprived we feel, no matter how much we have denied the nourishment that can only come from God, we can't remain in this state of seeming separation forever. It is our destiny to wake up, and we don't escape our destiny because God would never consent to us remaining forever starved by our own denial. His love is already available and present in our minds and is unaffected by our lack of awareness. It is time to give up the fight, because no one escapes his destiny. Our stubborn resistance only prolongs our suffering. This is a Lesson in hopefulness, which is not a blind hope, but is fully justified.

If it is our thoughts of misery that obscure our happiness, bringing them to the light will work to dissipate them. Now we invite the miracle in. The miracle shows up when the mind is changed. That is why there is no order of difficulty in miracles, because our mind can be changed about any problem, no matter how big or small it appears to be. All that is required is that misperceptions be brought for healing. The world will now reflect back to us a new and healed perception. "Nothing and everything cannot coexist. To believe in one is to deny the other. Fear is really nothing and love is everything. Whenever light enters darkness, the darkness is abolished. What you believe is true for you. In this sense the separation has occurred, and to deny it is merely to use denial inappropriately." (T.2.VII.5.1-6)(ACIM OE T.2.V.99)
 
To deny there is a problem is not helpful. To be a Pollyanna and to cover over the darkness with efforts at positive thinking is not helpful. To look for distractions to keep us from our sense of separation is not helpful. Is it wrong? Of course not. We just need to understand it will not help to heal the mind when we continually focus our energy on distractions. We need to see there is a problem. Whatever thoughts or feelings arise, whether upsets, depression, discomfort, anger, or fantasies, they need to be brought to awareness and then immediately turned over to the Holy Spirit.

We can actually learn to circumvent many of these feelings by being vigilant in watching our thoughts. In other words, we can bring awareness to a thought of distress and bring it to the truth before it becomes a story of victimhood and disaster. Therefore, it is important to set our purpose, which brings us to a state of miracle-mindedness throughout the day. That is why setting the intention for the day is important. We can then keep our purpose in front of us throughout the day. In Chapter 30, "Rules for Decision," Jesus reminds us that we must realize it is easier to have a happy day if we remember what question to ask and to hold our purpose in front of us throughout the day. It is much more difficult to regain peace, than it is just to hold firm to our goal. We've all experienced how hard it is to get out of a difficult frame of mind once it has set in.

Today, we are asked to become aware of our doubts, our fears, our judgments, and our grievances, and own them, acknowledge them, but recognizing they are meaningless. This requires honesty and courage. I prefer to see the problem in you than see it in my own mind. I will defend my position, my perceptions, my choices, my expectations and my demands as being right. I will defend my version of the story as being correct. The ego is very subtle. We don't always see our motivations. For example, sometimes, when I do something I consider helpful and it is not seen that way, I need to question what may be hidden under the guise of helpfulness. When we do not defend against what comes up in our day, and do not take things personally, but use everything as a classroom for healing our minds, everything that shows up is helpful. That is what time should be used for.

When issues come up in our lives, they can be experienced as very painful. Yet if we are committed to healing, we need to allow what comes up to be what it is, and allow others to be as they are. Anytime we justify our position, we can be sure it is the voice of the ego. Simply to surrender, rather than to resist, is to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in shining our dark thoughts away, but He needs our cooperation.

Thoughts of misery and death seem real, but they are not. They are of the ego thought system that we have come to believe. They are no more real than our fears, as children, of the bogeyman under the bed. As long as we don't look there, they hold a lot of power. Yet when we turn on the light, and look under the bed, we see there is nothing to fear. There is no bogeyman, as there is no ego. It is nothing when we allow ourselves to look, and be willing to ask with desire to experience God's love and protection, which we have hidden from ourselves. Thus, it is all about transparency, where there is nothing we want to hide. This is what awakening to the truth of who we are is all about. "Let not my mind deny the Thought of God." (W.165) It is a day of hope, and hope is justified because all of our doubt thoughts are meaningless.
 

Love and blessings, Sarah

¹⁶ The Atonement is in time but not for time. Being in you, it is eternal. What holds remembrance of God cannot be bound by time. No more are you. For unless God is bound, you cannot be. An instant offered to the Holy Spirit is offered to God on your behalf, and in that instant you will awaken gently in Him. In the blessed instant, you will let go all your past learning, and the Holy Spirit will quickly offer you the whole lesson of peace. What can take time, when all the obstacles to learning it have been removed? Truth is so far beyond time that all of it happens at once. For as it was created one, so its oneness depends not on time at all.

 

¹⁷ Do not be concerned with time and fear not the instant of holiness which will remove all fear. For the instant of peace is eternal because it is wholly without fear. It will come, being the lesson God gives you through the Teacher He has appointed to translate time into eternity. Blessed is God's Teacher, Whose joy it is to teach God's holy Son his holiness. His joy is not contained in time. His teaching is for you because His joy is yours. Through Him you stand before God's altar, where He gently translates hell into Heaven. For it is only in Heaven that God would have you be.

 

¹⁸ How long can it take to be where God would have you? For you are where you have forever been and will forever be. All that you have, you have forever. The blessed instant reaches out to encompass time, as God extends Himself to encompass you. You who have spent days, hours, and even years in chaining your brothers to your egos in an attempt to support it and uphold its weakness, do not perceive the Source of strength. In the holy instant, you will unchain all your brothers and refuse to support either their weakness or your own.

 

¹⁹ You do not realize how much you have misused your brothers by seeing them as sources of ego support. As a result, they witness to the ego in your perception and seem to provide reasons for not letting it go. Yet they are far stronger and much more compelling witnesses for the Holy Spirit. And they support His strength. It is, therefore, your choice whether they support the ego or the Holy Spirit in you. And you will know which you have chosen by their reactions. A Son of God who has been released through the Holy Spirit in a brother, if the release is complete, is always recognized. He cannot be denied. As long as you remain uncertain, it can be only because you have not given complete release. And because of this, you have not given one single instant completely to the Holy Spirit. For when you have, you will be sure you have. You will be sure because the witness to Him will speak so clearly of Him that you will hear and understand.

 

²⁰ You will doubt until you hear one witness whom you have wholly released through the Holy Spirit. And then you will doubt no more. The holy instant has not yet happened to you. Yet it will, and you will recognize it with perfect certainty. No gift of God is recognized in any other way. You can practice the mechanics of the holy instant and will learn much from doing so. Yet its shining and glittering brilliance, which will literally blind you to this world by its own vision, you cannot supply. And here it is, all in this instant, complete, accomplished, and given wholly.

 

²¹ Start now to practice your little part in separating out the holy instant. You will receive very specific instructions as you go along. To learn to separate out this single second and begin to experience it as timeless, is to begin to experience yourself as not separate. Fear not that you will not be given help in this. God's Teacher and His lesson will support your strength. It is only your weakness that will depart from you in this practice, for it is the practice of the power of God in you. Use it but for one instant, and you will never deny it again. Who can deny the Presence of what the universe bows to in appreciation and gladness? Before the recognition of the universe which witnesses to It, your doubts must disappear.