Greetings!    

Attachment is an essential part of human behavior throughout our lifespan.  Babies and toddlers form different attachment styles with caregivers:  1) secure:  trust caregivers to be safe, loving and meet their needs; have a "secure base" from which to explore, learn and thrive.  2) avoidant:  caregivers are emotionally unavailable and rejecting, so children are insecure and avoid closeness.  3) anxious:  inconsistent caregiving makes children constantly worried about caregivers' whereabouts; become demanding and clingy.  4) disorganized:  due to abuse and neglect, children have no way of responding; become confused, frightened and disoriented.    

Adult styles of attachment with romantic partners parallel their childhood patterns.  1) secure ( autonomous):  easy to get close, depend on partner, and have partner depend on them; not worried about rejection or threatened by partner's separateness.  2) avoidant (dismissive):  uncomfortable getting close, emotionally distant and rejecting; equates intimacy with loss of independence; partner's always wanting more.  3) anxious (preoccupied):  constantly worried about loss of love and abandonment; needs ongoing reassurance; wants to merge with partner, which scares them away.  4) disorganized (unresolved): cannot tolerate closeness; early traumas intrude into present relationship; emotional, physical and substance abuse in chaotic and dysfunctional relationships.  

About 50% of adults are secure, 25% are avoidant, and 20% are anxious (some have a combination of avoidant and anxious).  Mismatched attachment styles can result in an unhappy relationship.  A person with an avoidant style will reject their partner, while the anxious partner will cling.  A "pursuer-distancer" dynamic ensues:  as one distances the other pursues, in an ongoing negative cycle.  Teaching people about their attachment styles and the corresponding core beliefs, and helping them learn constructive communication skills, can facilitate secure attachments.  The more partners trust and depend on one another, the more secure, independent and creative they become.  Researchers found that when people held their spouse's hand during a stressful event they felt less stress.  The region of the brain that regulates stress (Hypothalamus) was even less active!  Men with congestive heart failure lived 3 times longer when in a good marriage.  Men with hypertension lowered their blood pressure in a satisfying marriage but had higher blood pressure in a conflictual relationship.  Emotional and physical health is associated with secure attachment at all ages.