Broken chair? Don't fix it - throw it out.
Torn shirt? Don't mend it - toss it.
Bored with your couch? Get rid of it and buy a new one.

Reflecting on our cultural propensity to throw away things that are broken or that no longer please us, I'm always struck by how many of us are inclined to do this with people, too. For whatever reason, it seems easier to abandon an apparently failed relationship and start over with someone else.

Of course, not everything can be fixed. An object - or a relationship - may go beyond the help of glue or of understanding, in which case the sensible and prudent thing is to walk away. But when remedy is still possible, we owe it to ourselves - and to the one we love(d) - to make an effort.

Of the many thousands of words that have been written about keeping love alive, my favorites are the Three Cs: Compromise, Compassion, and Communication.

In this issue of HeartMatters, let's take a closer look at what compromise really means.

Willingness to compromise with others' ways of living and cooperation in common tasks, these make living happy and fruitful.

When my late husband, Jack, and I were courting, we invented Chrysalis as a way to deal with disagreements. Chrysalis, the invisible third member of our partnership, was the relationship itself, in which we both had an equal stake. When a decision had to be made, we didn't ask What's best for me? or What's best for you? We asked What's best for Chrysalis?

In this way, we were able to avoid the negative overtones of the word compromise. I don't think compromise means that one person or the other is giving in or giving something up. I think it means that, in fact, both people are gaining something: a new understanding of each other's needs and a willingness on both sides to make adjustments. Compromise is not subordination but coordination.