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The Wisdom of Choice
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Choice Mood Lady
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Navigating the world can seem like a challenging assignment at times. There are constant decisions to be made, there are responsibilities to be taken care of. And then what about the part of living your dreams - feeling fulfilled, contributing in a way that feels right for you, experiencing joy, peace, contentment or whatever else you want to be feeling? Well, the Wisdom of Choice is one of my favorite tools of life navigation. Come along with me and I will show you exactly what I mean...
I meet lots of people who aren't satisfied with how their lives are going. Sometimes there seems to be a concrete reason, such as a job that isn't the right fit or a relationship that drains instead of energizes. Or sometimes there is just a feeling that something isn't quite right, a realization that surely, there is more to be had in this life. "But what is THAT or how do I get it?", people wonder.
When clients come to me looking for more of what they want in life, one of the first places we start is with Choice. One of the statements that always fascinates me is when I hear, "But I don't have a choice". Ooohhh, fascinating! Well, I understand that it sometimes FEELS like you don't have a choice or maybe you don't like the choices in front of you. But choice is something that we always have - about our actions, behaviors, decisions, thoughts. And getting clear about this and more is a way to connect with the Choice Tool - a tool that can lead us to more of the things that we want in life.
Here are three powerful 'Wh' questions that help us uncover the Wisdom of Choice:
Question # 1: What are you choosing?
Becoming very aware of the choices we are making is an excellent way to start using the Choice tool. So many times we are doing things automatically and not really seeing that we are actually making choices that have consequences on how we feel and how we experience life. People sometimes come to see me overwhelmed and stressed because there is too much on their plate. We can start with many choice questions - How are you spending your time? What are you saying yes to? How do you feel when you do a, b, and/or c?
Other clients come to me when they are unhappy in a job or a relationship. Again, what are you choosing? Getting very clear about the fact that there is a choice they are making helps give them a little power back. It's easy to feel powerless when the choices that we see around us aren't ones that look good to us. Once we recognize that it IS a choice, a little power returns. We can then use that little bit of power to evaluate and see where we want to go next. Simply put, looking at the choices we are making helps us see what we are prioritizing. And once we know that, we can move on to the 2nd 'Wh' question.
Question #2: Why are you choosing this?
Once we recognize that everything we do is a choice, we can then look more closely at these choices we are making and ask "Why am I choosing this?" This is an excellent practice to become very clear about what we are valuing in our life. I often hear people say that family is important to them. But all of the choices they are making value work and not family. Some people like to say, "Well, I have to work in order to support my family." While this may be true, there is a wide range of choices between not working and not being able to support a family and putting all of your time and energy to support a family. There is a multitude of choices that could be made that wouldn't be as extreme as these two that are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Why not explore those?
So once you realize what choices you are making, start asking "Why? - When I make this choice, what am I valuing?" Once you see this, you can then ask yourself if this is what you want to be valuing. Is Connection most important to you in life? Or is it financial security or love or creativity or service that you value most? Whatever the answer, start getting really clear about the choices you are making. Are these choices supporting what you value most? If not, what can you do differently, or what choices can you make that will honor these values? When you get clear about the What and the Why, you can then move on to my favorite "Wh" Choice question.
Questions #3: Who are you choosing to be?
This question related to Choice comes from one of my favorite authors and coaches, Alan Seale. Some people find it an odd question. "What do you mean, who am I choosing to be?" I hear them ask. Well, this is a question that goes beyond, what do I do or why. It can be especially useful when we feel stuck or when the choices in front of us don't feel like ones we would automatically choose for ourselves. It's a perfect question to ask when we feel powerless to the situation because it takes us beyond the circumstances.
Question #3 allows you to go deep. It allows you to TRULY choose what you are focusing on and why. If you are in a job that isn't a match for you and don't see a way to change it right now due to finances or uncertainty about the next step, you can still ask THIS question. "So as I figure out the next step in my career, who do I choose to be each day at work?" Do you choose to be negative and pessimistic? Do you choose to be curious about what you might learn at this particular stage in your life? Do you choose to focus on the fact that this job is a mis-match or do you choose to focus on finding a job that WOULD be a match, even if it feels far away at the moment? Who do you choose to be is a question that you can always ask. It will bring you to the power of choice in an instant.
When we become aware of the Wisdom of Choice, we begin to make conscious choices. When we begin to make conscious choices, we experience the power that these conscious choices bring with them. And when we experience this power, we have truly tapped into the Choice Tool, which allows us to bring in more and more of what we want in life on a daily basis. Happy Summer & Happy Choosing!
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