If I were to pick one topic that comes up most often with my clients, it would have to be the topic of Balance. Clients come to me feeling out of balance, looking for it, wondering if it exists, looking for 'the' answer so they can at least find more of it. They are often unclear about how they could even just start feeling a bit more balanced. Sometimes, they've tried different things and it works for a while and then they come back to the same place again and again. That's where I come in.

Balance is one of those words like success, or joy or happiness. We throw words like these around a lot, we know that we want these things and often times we move through life blindly trying to get more of them. The thing is many times, we haven't really thought about what their true definition is. We might know what they mean in general, obviously, and we might know what they mean to others -to our parents, to our friends, to the society we live in - but we haven't really defined them for ourselves. That's why I thought it would be worthwhile to explore the subject of Balance together - to shed some light on it and help you get clearer about what it is for you. So let's go take a little wander around this rich and interesting 7 letter word.

I often find it useful when I'm examining things like this to start with the dictionary definition - it's always a good place to start. So....WOW! There are lots of definitions for this word - no wonder it feels a little big and confusing sometimes. Well, a few of the ways faithful Merriam Webster (www.m-w.com) defines balance are: stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis; physical equilibrium; mental and emotional steadiness. Yeah, ok, now we're getting closer. When things aren't in balance, our equilibrium does seem off - it's like we're leaning way over here and giving our energy and attention to some things, while others suffer. And because of that, there is a lack of mental and emotional steadiness. We feel off kilter, shaky, confused.

So before I go any further, what is balance for you? Do you know it when you have it? Do you feel that you do have it and has this always been the case? Do you ever feel out of balance in your life and if so, what would you say is the biggest reason for this? Think about these questions right now and see if your relationship with balance - what it is and what you want it to be - becomes any clearer. And I'll ask you to revisit this paragraph after you finish reading the rest of this article too and see what other gems you've discovered along the way.

Now just to be clear, Balance was one of those elusive things I was in search of for many many years. I even bought a necklace to help me remind myself. It was one of those chains where you could put the ring with a certain word printed on it. When I saw the word Balance out of the many choices, I KNEW this was the one for me. I put it on and wore it most days for years. And then something funny happened...Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll get back to that.

One of the ways I got off balance was that I worked a lot. I filled my days with work so that when I did have free time, I had a hard time knowing how to spend it. I did this in many different jobs for years. I also would make these BIG changes in my life every once in a while and then it would take quite a while for me to recover - and because of this, things felt very out of balance. It was difficult for me to feel emotionally and mentally steady when I was in total risk/change mode and then in recovery mode.

What happened for me was that I shifted my focus after a while. I stopped thinking about balance altogether. Instead, I started focusing on the things that are the foundation for balance - things like knowing what is most important to me (connection, creativity, contribution for example) and finding ways to LIVE those things every day. I also brought in useful tools that I learned, such as TRULY listening to myself and giving myself some space to be without needing a goal or outcome all the time. With this shift of focus and really setting the foundation for what I want to be living in my life every day, things DID come into balance more and more. It was as if I was growing roots to stand steadily in place and be able to make the necessary adjustments quickly if one side got too heavy. It became clear that all that work and those big change periods weren't serving me all that well. When I realized THAT, I was able to change things accordingly and really FEEL the balance.

So let's come back to you...Are you clear about what is most important to you in life? This might feel like a big question and it is. This is one of the things I work with clients on all the time - helping them get clearer and clearer about what this is for them. It's a real process as this might be something we missed thinking about earlier in life. Once you know the things that are most important (whether it's family, security, creativity, love), the next step is finding ways to truly LIVE these things every day. You start tapping into those roots of who you really are. And for some people, especially in the beginning, this might mean doing this in just small ways and making conscious decisions about how you spend your time. When you are connecting with what is most important to you, it's almost like you don't even have to think about balance - the emotional and mental steadiness comes naturally.

If you are feeling out of balance, take that as a good sign. Often we need to get to a certain point before we pay attention. And we all have different limits when it comes to this. Wherever you are on the scale, feeling out of balance is excellent information for you to have. I invite you to resist the urge to go into 'fix it' mode. Instead, try detective mode for a while. Look around this unsteadiness and see what you find. What are you focusing on and what might need more of your focus? What is most important to you in life - deep down - and are you honoring this? If not, how might you begin to do this in even a tiny way? And feel free to revisit the questions in the fourth paragraph above. Remember, it's a process - just like most things. So take your time, explore, experiment and see what you discover.

Oh yeah, and that funny thing that happened...a couple years ago, I lost my balance necklace. The little charm fell off one day and it was gone. I was a little sad at first because it was a necklace I wore almost every day. I told a wise friend that I had lost it and she immediately said, 'you probably didn't need it anymore'. 'Ah-hah!', I thought...I hadn't actually contemplated balance or having it or not for quite a long time. I realized then that it was time for a necklace with a new word. That's a topic for another newsletter...