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Creating HOME Wherever You Are
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 | | The Home Mood Lady |
Home. A word that can conjure up so many feelings, emotions, images. What comes up for you when you hear it or think about it? What are some of the associations you have with that word? Let's go for a little jaunt around the subject and see what we discover...
The concept of Home is one that I have thought a lot about over the years. Having lived in many different places and so far away from the country I called Home for so long, I suppose it's only natural. It's funny that when you make the decision to leave 'home' the first time, you don't realize you'll never have quite the same feeling about it again. There are loads of ways that feeling might change - whether your regard for it gets 'better' or 'worse' is not the issue. What's important is the fact that you leaving it allows for you to have a completely new perspective of it and of you IN it and away from it.
This is a timely topic for me as I recently returned from a trip to Stockholm, where I've lived a total of 15 years. I love this city and many people who live there. I was uncertain as to how I would feel as I returned. Would I regret the decision I made to leave it? Would I feel dis-connected to it or to where I'm living now?
One of my favorite parts of my trip was when I would meet Swedish friends and they would ask, "Hur länge är du hemma?" (How long are you home for?). Each time I heard that question, I smiled and felt warm and content inside. I usually told them how happy it made me that they asked that question. In their eyes, I was home. It made me feel even more at home myself knowing that for them it was a given.
This idea of being at Home in Stockholm & then knowing I would be going back Home to Santa Cruz in a couple weeks was light years away from the feeling I had almost 20 years earlier. I had moved back to California & was feeling so lost and disoriented. I missed Sweden, but wasn't quite ready to go back. Neither place felt like home to me, and I didn't know where I belonged. This was such a dark period in my life; it also taught me many invaluable lessons.
Years later and back in Sweden, I remember a conversation with a fellow American. This was someone who was relatively new in Stockholm. He was talking about the feelings he was having about not feeling quite at home in Stockholm. But the last time he went home to the US, he didn't feel quite at home there either. He sounded a little perplexed about that and I remember that he wanted reassurance that this feeling would go away. I couldn't really give it to him & I remember telling him as gently as I could that living in these two places, these two countries gives us an extra dimension. It allows us to understand places in a way that others who don't live there can't. And it also brings in this element of feeling like we don't belong anywhere-like we have no 'real' home.
Looking back on that conversation I see how much my outlook on that has changed. I think the main reason for that is focus. In previous years, I focused on the things that kept me separate from the people around me. So when I was in the US, I felt separate because so many of the people around me couldn't identify with me as I had lived so many years away from them and all that we shared. And then when I was in Stockholm, I focused on the fact that I'm not Swedish and that no number of years would make me Swedish so there would always be that difference. I wasn't quite at home there either. I was using these external elements to define where I belonged and to give me this feeling of Home.
The shift to my new perspective was gradual. I didn't even know it was happening. But I experienced the effects of it during my stay in Stockholm this time. I felt such a richness, a fullness, appreciation & gratitude for all that I experienced and all the people who are in my life there. I focused on what I share with them and how important those connections are to me. I felt at home there and noticed that the people in my life there view me as being home there too.
And here in Santa Cruz, I focus on all the connections I have here and what I share with the people I have here. Again, it's an appreciation for all that I have now. So that takes me back to Home. I certainly feel as if I have two homes. And that comes from switching my focus from the external to the internal.
This internal focus entails all the things I'm working on with clients in every conversation. It is getting clear about what is most important to you. What do you value most? And are you LIVING from what you really value or from what you think you should be doing? It is getting clear about what gives you energy & what drains you, what you are most passionate about, the types of relationships you have with people, want to have with people and creating and nurturing them. It's about being curious and learning from ALL your experiences & being gentle and compassionate with yourself and others. It's about finding out about all these gems that are within you.
I know, it's a long list. Don't freak out! It's really ok. Just take a breath and remember, this is all a process. And baby steps are fine (even recommended!). The process is of uncovereing more and more of YOU so that your Home is always with you, no matter what the external cues and signs say. This can be especially useful when you go through big life changes (as many of my clients are), as it is SO easy to lose sight of yourself and all those internal gems during those times. You might feel lost and disoriented and like you aren't sure where you belong. And this is when it is most important to keep those unique gems of yours close at hand. This is why the clearer you are about these gems within you, the more able you are to take Home with you wherever you go. Although the external Home might change or elements might shift, you know that YOUR Home is always intact.
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