Doug Cartland's Four-Minute Leadership Advisory
Human Behavior     
Doug Cartland
Doug Cartland, Inc.
02/16/2016

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I finished working out and grabbed lunch at the so called "Wellness Center."
It's nice. One can work out, pick up a chicken wrap, apple slices and baked chips or something and eat right there.
There's a rather large atrium and at one end, away from most of the foot traffic, a seating area with eight round tables and chairs. Surrounding them, or so it seems, are large floor to ceiling windows facing south offering a winter sun shower and a view of the Illinois prairie.
It was a cold day, but bright. A perfect day to sit at one of those tables in the warmth of the sun and the quiet of the space, read my book and have lunch. A little vitamin D in the dead of winter. Awesome!
There were others sitting at various tables. A few reading, a couple on their phones, two in a quiet conversation and one staring off into the sun.
There I sat...relaxation easing through my body.
And then...
Ten minutes in, my lunch siesta was shattered when a woman plopped herself at the table next to mine and dialed her phone. Ugh. She then threw her voice mercilessly into that thing like her ship was going down and this call was the difference between death and survival.
Understand, that she dropped herself in the middle of seven people thoroughly enjoying the quiet and coziness of the moment.
The lack of self-awareness on her part was shocking. Not a clue what she was disturbing. No thought that she might be interrupting. Not a whisk of an inkling of a notion that her conversation might be disruptive.
I tried to ignore her, but became agitated. I was disconcerted by her rudeness as much as by her withering voice beating my brain like a club.
I would read a couple of sentences in my book and then have to reread them. Maybe I need better powers of concentration, but where focus was effortless before it took great effort now.
And then I thought I should say something to this woman. After she's done, maybe I should make her aware.
I could say it kindly, respectfully. But she should be made aware of the violation of our space shouldn't she?
There were other places she could have made that call. I mean, she works there! She could have found some cubby hole other than the tranquil atrium of my solitude and lunch time.
And then I thought that if I do say something, no matter how nice I say it, she'll consider me rude.
But here's the thing: She had just been rude to seven other people. So why should I be so concerned about being taken as rude by one? Especially by the one who was rude!
I sat debating silently in my head, chewing my food with a bit more vigor.
I read a line and thought. I reread the line and thought again. I don't know if I was the only one upset. I can't imagine I was. But no other face betrayed a hint of consternation. Fine actors they were. Or maybe they have resigned themselves to this kind of behavior and I needed to get with the program.
She hung up, never glancing up for a moment. Not a nod to her unwilling audience.
I debated, considered, thought. Possible approaches twirled in my brain.
And then I finished my lunch and left.
We as humans are generally conflict averse. That dodge on our part gets us into trouble at work from time to time when we don't hold employees as accountable as we should or we're not as honest and respectfully direct with colleagues as we need to be.
I've recognized that hesitation in myself over the years and have worked hard to improve it. And I think I have.
Yet there I was. Conflict caught in my throat. I said nary a thing. And she will undoubtedly shatter someone else's tranquility somewhere down the road.
Not that I could stop that.
But it left me with a question. I was unquestionably in the right. I certainly had the opportunity. And yet I could not or would not pull the trigger. Why

If you're looking to me to have an answer, I don't have one.
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Sincerely,  

Doug

 

Doug Cartland, President
Doug Cartland, Inc.

 

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