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I had a discussion with my daughter recently.
This is the daughter who last year tried to push me to read more fiction for the sheer enjoyment of it. I've tried in starts and stops, though I confess I'm presently reading a book about George Custer and just picked up a memoir for my next read.
Ah, c'est la vie...
Anyway, I asked her a question, though I'm afraid I phrased it poorly.
"What's worse," I asked, "a person who is clueless or a person who knowingly does wrong?"
To this she gave the only answer one could give.
"Of course," said she, "the one who knowingly does wrong is worse."
It's the obvious answer because morally the one who knowingly does wrong is guiltier than the one who does wrong unknowingly.
But then I rephrased the question.
"Which kind of person would you rather work with, the clueless one or the one who knowingly does wrong?"
She pondered and I seized upon her delay.
"I'll tell you what I think," I said. And of course she always wants to know what her dad thinks.
"Okay," she responded almost patiently.
"The one who knowingly does wrong is morally worse, of that there can be no question," I started in.
"Right," said she, giving her father a shred of encouragement.
"But the clueless scare me more."
"Hmmm..."
"I've coached a lot of people," I said, for some reason feeling the need to establish my credentials with my daughter. "I think I can have more success coaching those who know they are doing wrong because at least they are self aware. I can deal with self aware even if that self aware is wrongheaded."
She nodded, I think in a thoughtful semi-agreement.
"There is simply no getting through to the clueless," I continued. "They live in their own insensitive world, blind to the realities of how they operate and the effect they have on others. They bask in their ignorance like a pig in slop.
"Even worse, they are pigs who don't know they're in slop; they're ignorant of their ignorance. Awareness I can coach. Emotional and intellectual blindness not so much.
"In other words," I couldn't stop now, "I can say anything I want to the clueless and chances are they will remain clueless. It's like clubbing a piece of wood.
"But I can take a self aware person who is in the wrong, show them they're wrong and maybe have a chance to motivate them to the right. At least they can see what's right. Self awareness is the beginning of change for anyone.
"But for the clueless I can shed light on nothing...they're insensitive to light. And that frustrates and in some ways scares me because there is so little chance of getting through to them."
And then I realized I had gone on too long and was restating my thoughts in different ways many times over and my daughter, though reasonably patient with me, had gotten my point several paragraphs before. Kudos to her for not rolling her eyes. Well, not in front of me anyway.
Sometimes when it comes to letting go of a point that I've already made I'm simply clueless.
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