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When we meet people from other cultures we are curious. They tend to be the center of attention as inquisitive people circle them like sharks and pummel them with questions.
So it was with my family on Christmas day and I admit to being one of the pummelers.
Ilina is from Macedonia originally, moved to the States when she was 15 and Chicago last summer.
Macedonia was part of the former Soviet Union's communist eastern bloc of European countries, but became an independent, democratic state in 1991 when it seceded from Yugoslavia. Kosovo borders it to the northwest, Serbia to the north, Greece to the south.
Ilina had no place to go on Christmas so my sister, Jeni, invited her to our family party at her house.
I learned some things from Ilina.
I learned, for example, that Christmas is celebrated on January 7th in Macedonia. Which blew my mind because I have been under the strict impression my whole life that Santa Claus only worked one night a year, but apparently he works a few weeks at least.
I learned too that back when Macedonia was under communist rule, there was no Christmas. Santa still came, but on New Years Day. So the communists cleverly kept Santa, but dumped the holiday.
How convenient.
As Ilina chattered on with us, I became impressed with how adaptable that jolly old elf is.
And then Ilina began to tell us a story. It was the story of when she ceased believing in Santa Claus.
A place we all eventually get to...
Some days before Christmas one year, she was nosing around her house snooping for any scent of Christmas presents that might be for her.
Finally, little Ilina crept into her parent's bedroom, quietly slid open a closet door and...found the mother load. A bunch of presents that her parents would try to pass off as gifts from Santa a few days hence.
And then she knew there would be no Saint Nick visiting her home on January 7th.
But here's what I saw in my mind's eye (and Dad, you may not want to read beyond this point): I saw my sister snooping in the basement of the house we grew up in when we were kids. I can see her so vividly now because...um...I was with her then.
My older sister Mary was especially adept at opening wrapped packages, spying what was inside and then closing them back up as if nobody had touched them. Her skill and artistry would shame an elf.
I saw Mary in America and at the same time Ilina in Macedonia thirty years later doing the exact same thing.
Actually, this is a story that has been lived and relived all over the world for generations. Eons of children tracing each other's steps, anticipating Christmas; curious, eager, capricious.
The wonder of Christmas. Parents wanting to make it special. The curiosity and impatience of children. The giddy excitement for presents. A kid's sneaking behind the parents back. The myth of Santa believed and busted.
It reminded me once again of the incidental differences and the essential sameness of human beings.
Incidental is how and when we celebrate Christmas or even if we do.
Essential is our shared childhood natures; curious, giddy, impatient, innocent, capricious, fun loving and a little bit sneaky.
Essential also is our nature as parents to love our children and to make life special for them when we can.
Too, kids in every culture are mesmerized by myths, and eventually, if begrudgingly, accept grown up truths.
And so it's this I ask you: If you should be yet casting about for a New Year's resolution, how about we commit to making a concerted effort to ignore our incidental differences and focus rather on our essential sameness.
Relationships are founded and built on what we have in common.
This is another grown up truth.
You in?
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