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She had one goal...just one...that was to be able to step up on a curb.
That's it.
Jean is an elderly woman who has long gotten by on a walker or canes. Frail and careful, she moves along slowly, almost shuffling as she goes.
I'm not certain how long it had been since she was able to step up on a curb. But she wanted that ability back. That's all.
Almost three years ago she began to work with a trainer at the workout facility where I'm a member. She had her one goal in mind-to step up on a curb.
Her trainer was nice. Each visit they would spend their thirty minutes doing light exercises and chatting amiably. An easy friendship developed.
For two and a half years this went on: friendship, great stories, laughs. Jean enjoyed coming to the center, and the trainer always enjoyed her time with Jean.
Interestingly, however...never...in two and a half years...was Jean ever able to step up on a curb.
She had one objective in mind, but the objective was never reached. Somehow, it seems, her goal got misplaced in the revelry of their fellowship.
Often when familiarity grows, sentimentality grows with it. Sentimentality is the curse of the leader, mentor, trainer or coach. Sentimentality defangs us; it emasculates our leadership and undermines our accountability. We think first of the relationship, not the objectives.
(Don't confuse sentimentality with compassion-they are two different things.)
For that very reason, leaders, be friendly with the people you lead to be sure, and certainly get to know them, but be very cautious about crossing that divide into a real friendship.
At work you are not first their buddy, you are first their boss.
As enjoyable as their times were together, the trainer had done Jean a tremendous disservice by not expecting her to reach her goal and by not holding her accountable to it.
A few months ago, the trainer took another job and left the facility. Jean dished around for someone else to work with her and transferred to my trainer, Andrea.
Good choice.
Andrea is very friendly. You couldn't find anyone more friendly. She's got a great smile and a great sense of humor. She's the nicest person you'd ever want to meet.
Here's the difference between Andrea and Jean's previous trainer, however: In all of Andrea's friendliness, the objective remains paramount. She listens to your goals, creates a plan to attain those goals and is offended if you don't stick to it. Oh yes she is...
And guess what?
Last week, after working with Andrea for only two and a half months, Jean followed her outside on a glorious September afternoon. They slowly made their way to the facility's parking lot. And...
Jean stepped up on a curb. A smile spread across her face like dawn upon a prairie and her face glowed just about as much-as did Andrea's.
Andrea was so excited she had to tell me the story. I told her, "Now that's a Leadership Advisory!" And so it is...
Two and a half years with one trainer and nothing. Two and a half months with another and success.
Remember, part of respecting people is having expectations of them.
Andrea is one of the most respectful people I know.
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