Did you get a chance to look at the Wall Street Journal piece I highlighted last week?I have enjoyed the responses I received from many of you on the subject of "Helicopter Parenting: Good, Bad, or Ugly?" (my phrase). The article was interesting in that it laid out not only some of the conventional wisdom (the "bad"), but also highlighted a minority view ("the good").

 

My own view? Look to establish balance between, for want of a better expression, coddling, and a complete absence of a safety net. Neither is appropriate. On the one hand our children need to know we are there for them in a true emergency, but on the other hand we need to let them trip and then pick themselves up, dust themselves off and try again, without our racing in too quickly. Author Wendy Mogel refers to "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee" to describe how an over-indulgence in "saving" our children actually serves to weaken their emotional coping muscles. Sometimes we just have to stop ourselves, plain and simple. Equally, of course, we have to become experts in recognizing those times (normally few and far between) when our children do need to lean on us pretty heavily. Those times will vary with the confidence of the child, with the situation, and with the child's age.

 

One rider to the above oversimplification: The two approaches do not necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. 90% of the time we can respond to what we see or hear from our children with ADVICE ON HOW TO FIX IT THEMSELVES. Taking time to use our own experiences and expertise to guide and advise our children how to deal with difficult situations on their own is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Except under exceptional circumstances this should always be our first response: "How can I help my child grow and become stronger by sharing some strategies for dealing with this challenge?" Wendy Mogel has some superb specific advice in her book http://www.wendymogel.com/books/skinned_knee.

 

Great to see you at conferences last week. Our mission is to partner actively with you in the exciting, exhausting, often unpredictable journey of bringing up your children, our children. So . . . we are here too, for your sons and daughters, and for you!