Her definition of regret meant sorrow over the things she wished she had done. For example, her mother died several years ago from cancer. She said, "I never asked her what makes her sad...what makes her happy. She never shared how sick she was and I was too immersed in going back to school to spend more time with her."
After discussing some of the things she couldn't change, this client then chose to focus on identifying the action steps she could take. She decided to be proactive and minimize the regrets she would have if something ever happened to her husband.
First, she chose to do more fun things with her spouse. "We've been married for almost 20 years and have never had a restful, playful vacation. Instead we usually visit our families.
"I also want to get our ducks in a row," she said, "in case something happens to one of us. I want to address end of life issues like drawing up a will and making funeral arrangements.
"And I want real connection. After work, we are both so tired, we get dinner and space out in front of the TV. We just bought a new dining room table. I would like one meal a week where we look into each other's eyes and really connect as we reflect on our week or our lives."
We all regret something we said or wished we would or would not have done. But I want to challenge you to take time out your busy life for relationship building. Reflect on what you can do now to minimize the regrets you may have later. Is there somebody you need to talk to? What have you neglected doing that is important to you? What have you put off, telling yourself you will do it one day? Don't wait until something happens. Make the choice and do it now.
A different client was moving her father several states away and wanted the trip to be more than focusing on the logistics of the move. "My father has a wealth of stories that I want to record so my sister and I will have them. We then can share these with our children. On the long drive I'm going to record them on my phone. He won't mind and will probably forget he's being recorded."
One of the great things about being a Christian coach is learning from my clients. I realized I too needed to minimize possible future regrets. I want to meet with my son and share what I regret as a parent. What I wish I would have done differently, but also I want to share what I celebrate having done-like sharing my deep faith in Christ and the importance of a daily connection with Jesus. I want to ask him what he wants to know about me but never took the time to ask. I am sure there will be tears but I am also certain I will have less regrets about our relationship in the future.
Start today doing one thing that is important to you. Maybe it is turning off your cell phone during meals or worrying less. Perhaps it's calling that friend, doing something loving for your parents, or taking more time for self-care so you aren't short and irritated with others. Make the choice and turn those potential regrets into something you just have not done yet.
When I followed through with my first client to see how she was doing with her goals, she said, "Definitely more deeply engaged and intentional with my life. And every Thursday night we sit at the dining room table for dinner and catch up on the week." That particular evening she and her husband were going to a concert out of town and spending the night.
