There is power in positive thinking; however there is even more power in being grateful.
Positive thinkers sometimes ignore reality or deny whatever is negative or difficult in their lives. Grateful thinkers are quite different in my view.
Recently afriend was discussing the current struggles in her fifteen-year marriage. "There is not one positive thing I can say about being married to him. I wish I was single again." She slumped down in her chair.
"Is there anything you can be grateful for in spite of your marriagae?" I asked.
"Oh," she quickly said, "I'm grateful my relationship with God is much more intimate." She sat up straighter, and I could see her expression had softened. "I'm more compassionate about other married women who struggle in their marriages. I've learned how faithful God is, and I've experienced his comfort and peace over and over again in some pretty frustrating situations."
The shift in her demeanor was dramatic.
How many timeshave you, like my friend, been stuck in the negative? Unable to see anything good in a situation? Yet if you pause and think about what you could be thankful for in spite of the bad, then you can see things from a different perspective. This change of view gives you a more hopeful outlook as you begin to see some benefits that may have come from your struggles.
That day my friend reminded me we can be grateful overall even while feeling negative about a certain area. We can be hopeful while being discouraged.
Here are three suggestions for those times when you feel totally negative:
1. Recognize the natural human tendency to focus on the negative.
Research shows that we all attend to the negative, neutral or stressful things in our lives. Let's face it, there are some situations where it is challenging to see anything good or positive. Don't think learning to be grateful means you must deny your feelings and always look at all your circumstances through rose-colored glasses.
2. Reframe your situation.
To learn to be grateful, step back from your situation mentally and try to look at the bigger picture. Even an overwhelmingly negative situation is only part of your life. From that broad view, choose a few things that you can be grateful for. Developing a deeper appreciation for what you are thankful for is more beneficial to your well-being than being stuck in a narrow, totally negative view.
3. Train yourself to be grateful.
Just like a distance swimmer or runner has to train his or her body to endure the longer distances, we need to create the neural pathways in our brains that allow gratefulness to become a more doable, natural part of who we are. Challenge yourself to daily write down three things you are thankful for. The act of writing is important, so just don't think about what you appreciate...write it down as a means of training yourself to think with gratitude.
Researchers found those who practiced gratitude had fewer physical ailments and were more likely to be emotionally supportive of others who were facing personal challenges.
There is power in positivity, but gratefulness has far more power to improve your mood and help you move beyond your current negative feelings.
