"I just want to stay in my own home," her mother stated firmly.
Jennifer and I were working hard to help change her mother's perspective about her upcoming move to
assisted living, but she wasn't buying our pep talk. She knew the truth. She had no other option. For
weeks, she had been upset, dreading the move which was now just days away.
"My mother felt the same way as you," I said, trying to encourage. "It was hard but she adjusted, and she
would tell you she is much happier now than when she was sitting at home all by herself."
But Jennifer's mother was not interested in any of our positive spins or the fact that she would now be living
closer to two of her daughters. She was too caught up in the thought that this move would probably be
the last move she would ever make. It was a sign life was coming to an end.
I didn't sleep well that night thinking about how I will feel when I am no longer able to live by myself. How
will I handle it when the losses are piled high, my days of dreams are over, and things on my bucket list
will never be achieved? I couldn't blame Jennifer's mom for being upset.
As Jennifer and I talked the next day, we decided our peps talks were futile and even unkind. We could
not reframe the harsh reality of what her mother was facing. It would be far better for us to give her mother
permission to be angry, sad, scared, and full of grief about all she was losing.
A few days later Jennifer texted me. "As soon as I stopped the pep talks and just listened to what she was feeling, her negativity dramatically diminished. It's amazing. Listening, not lecturing, was the key."
