Until we admit that pleasure, comfort and ease are our natural preferences, we will fail to see the thousands of ways we numb, soothe, or avoid hurt and unpleasantness. And we will continue to hold onto our illusions until some harsh reality breaks through.

To grow in self-awareness here are three things you can do:

1.  Pay attention to ways you escape reality.  

To be well-adjusted with healthy relationships, it's critical that you identify ways you tend to evade or escape from what is unpleasant. What do you do to make it easier to pretend things really aren't as bad as they are? 

When I asked a group of women how they tended to escape emotional pain or anxiety, they shared these things:

• spend hours on Facebook
• shop
• eat
• play computer games
• read novels
• get wrapped up in the lives of TV characters
• sleep
• text or talk on the phone
• watch movies
• socialize
• drink
• pour myself into Christian service

None of these actions are inherently evil. If, however, these reactions prevent you from seeing what is true in your life and dealing with it, then they become an unhealthy escape.

2.  Confront reality rather than avoid it. 

Is there a truth you are trying to avoid? If so, how do you know this truth is bad? Facing what you fear could lead to a new breakthrough. When things are unpleasant or distressing, I find it helpful to examine the way I'm viewing my situation.

For instance, sometimes I'm not hungry, but I raid the refrigerator or my snack cupboard anyway. When that happens, it helps if I remember to ask myself, "What is the truth I'm avoiding?" Often the answer is that I feel I'm hopelessly stuck during a writing project. I am struggling with how best to communicate an idea. I feel frustrated, like giving up. I become impatient with those closest to me. My mind races with negative thoughts of failure, and that's when I reach for something to eat to soothe my anxiety. 

Once I've identified the truth I'm avoiding, then I ask myself, "Is there another way I can look at the situation?" When I remind myself that it's usually in the midst of these struggles that I get fresh new thoughts, then I'm less apt to run from the frustration to the food. I'm more likely to press through the unpleasantness because, even though it's uncomfortable, I've learned this creative tension usually produces great ideas.

Facing your difficult situation could have similar benefits. If you are angry with someone, perhaps having a calm conversation with that person could lead to a restored relationship. 

3.  Distinguish between hurtful and harmful.  

Author and licensed psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud says, "There is a big difference between 'hurt' and 'harm.'... We all hurt sometimes, especially in facing hard truths, but the process helps us grow.... That is not necessarily harmful. Harm is when someone is damaged. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt."

What if you choose to believe that what hurts you will ultimately help you?

The next time you are confronted with some harsh truth, remember that pain, although definitely not pleasant, can be purposeful. Be willing to seek the truth and pray for the Lord's revealing light.