As I cleared out the dead leaves and debris from my flowerbeds and gardens in preparation for planting some pansies, I got to thinking about our emotional junk. We all have emotional junk--stuff we need to clear out so that we can grow. But some of us have many old hurts that we have not cleared away.

When we are stuck in our stuff, we allow our brokenness and pain to remain rather than leading to real change.

In our gardens, it's easy to see what happens when we fail to clear away the dead, brown debris. The new, living, green plants struggle to grow as they push through the dead material from years past. Similarly in our emotions, if we fail to clear out the old we hinder our ability to grow anew.  

If you are wondering if you are still stuck in your stuff, here are some symptoms that indicate it's time to clear out the debris of the past:

• I think only of my problems and my little world. I feel little or no empathy for what others are facing.

• I tend to isolate myself from others because I feel safer and more secure that way.

• I am easily hurt and offended. I am hypersensitive.

• I feel constantly dissatisfied and angry with the world.

• I look for constant approval and affirmation from others.

If you are stuck in your stuff, don't get discouraged. The good news is you can gain from your pain and grow, but you need to be honest, vulnerable, and courageous.

Be Honest

Being honest means to be real with yourself and with God. God knows exactly how you feel anyway so there is no use trying to hide. I love Henri Nouwen's prayer in A Cry for Mercy:

"Look at me, see me in all my misery and inner confusion, and let me sense your presence in the midst of my turmoil. All I can do is show myself to you. Yet, I am afraid to do so. I am afraid that you will reject me. But I know-with the knowledge of faith-you desire to give me your love. The only thing you ask of me is not to hide from you, not to run away in despair, not to act if you were a relentless despot. Take my tired body, my confused mind, and my restless soul into your arms, and give me rest, simple quiet rest."

Why not try using Henri's prayer now to bring your stuff to God?

Be Vulnerable 

Being vulnerable means being willing to take the risks necessary to heal. Those risks often include confessing to others where we have been wrong. Pat Lencioni, founder of a management consulting firm, has written several bestselling business books. In his book titled Get Naked, he says the old adage "never let them see you sweat" is untrue. "Those who are comfortable being vulnerable-or naked-are rewarded with unsurpassed client gratitude and loyalty."

He goes on to say that people almost always sense or know when we are uncertain or wrong. But we usually try to pretend we are invincible and hide our weaknesses. When we do that, we will see our credibility erode. A better option is to embrace what he calls our sweatiness, and show people that we are honest and confident enough to earn their trust by being vulnerable. 

Be Courageous 

It takes courage to face the uncomfortable and move through the pain. Dealing with pain is work. At times you feel like you are making no progress. But after you allow yourself time to work through the sadness, the unresolved anger, and every other emotion you feel, you will find you are free--truly free--to grow and blossom anew.

This article is adapted from

Taking Out Your Emotional Trash 

Give Away: 

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

by Leslie Vernick 

Last Newsletter Winners: Doreen from Florida and Bernita from Philadelphia, PA won last month's book give away of The Me Project by Kathi Lipp.

March Give Away:  The Emotionally Destructive Relationship by Leslie Vernick

FEATURED AUTHOR:  LESLIE VERNICK

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THE EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP

If you are stuck in a toxic or unhealthy relationship Leslie's wisdom will help you, as it has countless others, to understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ 

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