I've been reading a lot lately about atheism in America, as well as world-wide, being on the rise. Living as we do in one of the most "un-churched" regions of the country, atheists are definitely a part of our social makeup. Most funerals and funeral homes seem to place most if not all their emphasis on religiously-oriented observances. Many grief-support services and media are the same (though of course not all are). If your cemetery or funeral home web site carries links to grief support services and groups, consider adding a link to Grief Beyond Belief for the non-believers amongst the families you serve.

Memo to Religious People: Many Atheists Don't Want to Hear That Their Loved Ones "Are in Heaven" - New Group for Non-Believers Helps Atheists Grieve

How do you deal with death - your own, or that of people you love - when you don't believe in God or an afterlife; especially when our culture so commonly handles grief with religion in ways that are so deeply ingrained, people often aren't aware of it?

A new online faith-free grief support group, Grief Beyond Belief, is grappling with that very question. And the launch of the group, along with its rapid growth, presents another compelling question: Why do so many atheists need and want a separate godless subculture... for grief support, or anything else?

Grief Beyond Belief was launched by Rebecca Hensler after the death of her 3-month-old son. Shortly after Jude's death, she discovered Compassionate Friends, an online network of parents grieving the deaths of their children. But even though Compassionate Friends is not a religious organization, she says, "I often felt alienated by assurances from other members that my son was in heaven or by offers to pray for me, comforts that were kindly meant but that I do not believe and cannot accept."

And she knew there were others who felt the same way. (Full disclosure: Hensler and I are friends, and I actively encouraged and supported her in launching this group.)

About a year later, she started a Facebook page, Grief Beyond Belief. The group grew and flourished far beyond her expectations. Once the atheist blogosphere heard about the group, news spread like wildfire, and membership in the group grew rapidly, rising to over 1,000 in just the first couple of weeks. The group is open to atheists, agnostics, humanists, and anyone without belief in a higher power or an afterlife, to share memories, photos, thoughts, feelings or questions, and to give others support, perspective, empathy, or simply a non-judgmental ear. It's also open to believers who are questioning, struggling with, or letting go of their beliefs. As long as you don't offer prayers, proselytize for your religious beliefs, or tell other members their dead loved ones are in "a better place," you're welcome to join.

So why do atheists need this?

Salt in the wound

For some grieving non-believers, the comforts offered by religious believers are neutral, and can even be positive. These atheists don't agree that their dead loved ones are in heaven and that they'll see them again someday, but they can accept the intent behind the sentiments, and can feel connected with and supported by believers even though they don't share the beliefs.

But for many non-believers, these comforts are actively upsetting. They are the antithesis of comforting. They rub salt in the wound.

For many grieving non-believers, the "comforts" of religion and religious views present a terrible choice: Either pretend to agree with ideas they reject and in many cases actively oppose... or open up about their non-belief, and start a potentially divisive argument at a time when they most need connection and comfort. As GBB member William Farlin Cain said, "I was still very much in the atheist closet at the time [my mom] passed away, and I was surrounded by believers saying all the things believers say, and I had to say them too just to keep the peace. It was hard."

Religious ideas about death can also make atheists feel alienated: hyper-aware of their marginalized status, and of the ways that atheists in our culture are invisible at best. As I've told believers who were pressing their religious "comforts" on me even though I'd explicitly said I didn't want that: If you wouldn't tell a Jewish person that their dead loved one is in the arms of Jesus Christ, why would you think it's appropriate to tell a non-believer that their dead loved one is in Heaven? And yet many believers do think this is appropriate... to the point where they not only offer nonbelievers the "comfort" of their opinion that death is not final, but persist in doing so even when specifically asked not to. They're so steeped in the idea of religion as a comfort, they seem unable to think of any other way to comfort those in need. And they seem unable to see that their beliefs aren't universally shared by everyone.

But these beliefs aren't universally shared, and they aren't seen as universally comforting, either. In fact, religious ideas about death can be profoundly upsetting to people who don't believe them. Sentiments that many believers find comforting - such as heaven and hell - or god's plan for life and death - are, for many non-believers, more than just ideas they don't agree with. They are ideas they find distressing, hurtful and repugnant.

As GBB member Lisa M. Lilly said, "After my parents were killed by a drunk driver, people said things to me that I found extremely difficult to hear, such as that their deaths were god's plan or god's will. While I'm sure the speakers thought they were offering comfort, the idea that god wanted my mother to be run over and die in the street and my father to suffer six-and-a-half weeks with severe injuries, only to die after several surgeries, was appalling to me."

Read the rest of this article here:

Link here for rest of article

Visit the Grief Beyond Belief Facebook page here:

Grief Beyond Belief

Meeting the challenge of bringing Metro's pioneer cemeteries into the 21st century

Pioneer cemeteries sound like relics of the past, small graveyards that, if not forgotten, are attended to by volunteers such as local historical society. Not so in the Portland, Oregon, metropolitan region. There you'll find 14 pioneer cemeteries spread over a 25 mile radius with a total 66 acres, ranging in size from half an acre to 30 acres, having nearly 4300 unsold interment rights and accepting 130 burials each year.

Metro, the government agency that oversees the cemeteries, sells gravesites, handles burials, does space planning, carries out maintenance, stays on top of security, keeps records for use by family historians and genealogists and plans to maintain the cemeteries in perpetuity-all tasks made more difficult by the cemeteries plural unconnected and distant locations.

Rachel Fox has been with Metro, a regional government agency, for 15 years, and has served as cemetery program manager for the past 3 1/2 years. She loves cemeteries, their legacy and heritage, and enjoys the challenge of managing 14 different properties at once.

Those attending the ICCFA's 2012 Convention and Expo had the opportunity to hear her (in a session with Doug Flynn called "Options for Municipal Cemeteries: a Case Study") talk about the challenges of dealing with insufficient perpetual care funds, incomplete records and the discovery that available grave inventory was half previous estimate. Three of the 14 cemeteries are now at capacity; there is no adjacent land for development.

Working for a public agency, Fox also must justify annual budgets within the infrastructure of a larger regional government agency and handle public demands and expectations concerning the appearance of its pioneer cemeteries, all while having the media follow her every move via access to public records.

How much of a challenge is all this? Consider this: each of the 14 cemeteries has a different origin (Masonic, community clubs, etc.), different ways of mapping burial sites, different methods of measuring grave spaces, different record systems, different rules and different land management issues.

After several external audits of the cemetery program, Metro realized in 2008 that it had some issues with resold interment rights and with the state of it cemetery records. The cemetery division needed someone who understood project management, state law and due diligence. Metro's cemeteries had problems; something needed to change.

Fox, who had experience in property rights, policy and state law, was promoted to lead the cemetery program. She began a project not only to digitize 150 years  of records for 14 different properties but also to ascertain the available inventory, since past estimates had overstated it.

Focused on the records, Fox and her team made sense of each of the 14 cemeteries which had been transferred into public ownership through a series of mid-20th century acts after having been abandoned. They had to make sense of each cemetery's way of doing things and of recording what they had done.

Noel Seats, a coordinator (at-need arranger) with Metro Pioneer Cemeteries, locates and confirms availablity of burial space in Mt. View-Corbett Cemetery. Here she locates any close burials and flags and spray paints digging directions.

It also appeared that over the years, each cemetery had "updated" its records several times to reflect the then-current understanding of what was important to note, using staff who did not seem to be familiar with deciphering the older information. Of course, any cemeterian who manages an older property is likely to be familiar with this sort of challenge, but not with dealing with 14 separate properties at once.

There is also the fact that burials made over 100 years ago were done differently from today, with sectional liners sometimes used and graves hand-dug in and around rocks and stumps by volunteers who may or may not have carefully followed maps.

One can only guess at what variances occurred back then that have a direct impact on making accurate burials in 2012.

For two years, Fox conducted a thorough review of the operations. In 2010, she updated the Metro Council on the situation:

• perpetual care funds were insufficient
•  grave prices were set at the very bottom of the market
•  the available inventory was half previous estimates and
•  resold interment rights showcased an issue with the interpretation of the records and state law.

Making changes

Fox was directed to come up with a roadmap for improved operations. Cemetery Planning Resource Alliance (CPRA) was hired in 2011 to create a business and operations plan which was presented at the ICCFA convention.

Reviewing Metro's cemetery operations was an eye-opening experience. Prior to arranging an at-need burial, the burial coordinator thoroughly reviews the interment file and ascertains the age of the graves near the soon to be used grave, then visits the cemetery, marking out where the graves space is located.

Locating the space to be marked requires confirming distances between existing burials, some as old as 150 years. This involves measuring, probing and thinking through the logic behind what you are seeing.

By the time the coordinator meets with the family, assurances can be made as to the availability of the grave. If it turns out that space is not suitable for burial, other locations are examined through the same process, flagged and offered as alternatives.

Fox has changed the way graves are opened and closed at Metro's cemeteries. Following careful analysis, she designed a new Interment Verification and Soil Protocol program to be followed with each grave opened. The program changed the way graves are opened and backfilled and established a new reporting requirement, a Record of Inadvertent Discovery form.

Soil removed for a burial is inspected for any materials that should be reinterred.

Soil first excavated from the grave (the upper part of the grave) is removed from the property and stored at a special Metro secured location, while the last portion of soil removed (bottom of the grave) is held on site (next to the grave) for backfill.

This procedure assures the public that any old funerary objects or fragments not notice during soil removal will be placed back in the grave upon backfill. The grave-opening contractor and Metro staff fill out a soil management report for each grave opened, listing location, issues with the opening, the date and the time of soil delivery to the storage area.

While soil is being excavated, Metro staff carefully examined each quote scoop unquote as it is emptied for any object(s) that may be unexplainable. If any are found and appear to be human remains, there are stop-work procedures in place. The objects are respectfully reinterred and management is notified. Both the grave opening contractor and Metro staff fill out the required Record of Inadvertent Discovery form, which is filed with Metro's cemetery office.

As previously noted, burials made more than 100 years ago may not have closely followed maps. The grave may have a sectional liner or, in some cases, no liner of any kind. Sectionals may (and do) collapse when a "next-to" is opened. Such collapsing may be corrected at the time of opening if noticed. In some cases, collapse may have happened decades ago.

The root system of a growing tree also can disturb the integrity of graves over the years. Then there are the cases of old, unrecorded burials or of graves where unclaimed cremated remains were disposed of properly in accordance with expectations a century ago. For an older cemetery, this is an issue to be monitored and dealt with in an appropriate, respectful manner.

This writer had the privilege of getting to know Rachel Fox and her staff of three while visiting Metro. Noel Seats and Emma Russac are Fox's cemetery coordinators (at-need arrangers) who meet families at the 14 cemeteries when arranging for burial. Both have a background in funeral service practices. Phyllis Cole works with records development and research.

Membership in the ICCFA a can be found proudly posted on the walls of their office and issues of this magazine (ICCFA Magazine) are available for reading. Watching Fox and her staff in action reminds one of what being a cemetery and is all about; you have to love what you are doing.

Fox splits her time among many tasks: speaking to community groups and cemetery associations, working with volunteer organizations, designing updated policies for all 14 cemeteries, determining when to close a cemetery to further burials, creating new cremation offerings, working with Metro department representatives and responding to media inquiries.

She is always on the go and most likely could find all 14 cemeteries in the dark with her eyes closed. As do most cemeterians, Fox wears many hats and loves helping people. If you are ever in the Portland area, look her up; you will be impressed.

*****

Paul Elvig retired in 2008 as general manager of Evergreen-Washelli Memorial Park and funeral home, Seattle, Washington. He is a past president and former secretary of the ICCFA. He previously worked as an administrator at the Washington State Department licensing, where he assisted in the redesign of Washington cemetery law. He has testified in Washington, D. C., On behalf of the ICC have ate a number of times, including at the hearings of the Senate special committee on aging.

Rachel Fox is manager of Metro's cemeteries. Metro is a regional government made up of three counties (Clackamas, Multnomah and Washington) in Oregon with a population base of 1.4 million people and 65,000 businesses located in 25 cities voters established Metro as a special regional government; they elect a nonpartisan governing Council of seven people. Metro's headquarters is in Portland. Metro is responsible for 14 Pioneer cemeteries and for parks and natural areas, public places (the Oregon Zoo, Portland Center for the Performing Arts, the Oregon Convention Ctr., Portland Expo Center) garbage and recycling and planning, which includes sustainable living, transportation, maps and data.

Metro's 14 cemeteries are spread over a 25 mile radius, total 65 acres (ranging in size from half an acre to 30 acres) and accept 130 burials per year.

Article from ICCFA Magazine for August-September 2012 by Paul Elvig reprinted in its entirety with permission. 

Behind the eyes (continued)

The case is argued

The case itself played out quickly and focused on one main issue: identification. The plaintiff's argument was based on a duty to identify the deceased at every step of the process, before, during and after cremation.

As plaintiff's counsel, I argued that the defendants' failure to practice identification had caused severe emotional damage to the plaintiff, Hentges. Hentges testified first, sharing her emotional devastation upon learning that she had spent a year visiting the cemetery to view an urn that did not contain her husband's remains. She testified that she finds herself doubting the correct urn is now in the niche and wondering if she ever will be able to believe her husband's remains are in the place she chose.

The plaintiff's case continued with testimony by an expert witness (Paul Elvig), who testified about professional standards and norms. Elvig focused on verification as well as identification. Not only did all of the defendants have poor identification procedures in place, none of them had verification procedures, Elvig said.

In his cross-examination, the defendants' counsel focused on the fact that there were enough records to show that the correct bodies had been cremated and placed in the correct urns. While there was a delivery issue, the bodies were properly identified, Ferfolia said.

With the plaintiff's case concluded, the defense presented its case.

 The defense counsel quickly took each defendant through the facts of the case, focusing primarily on the fact that the correct body had been cremated and placed in the properly labeled urn. This was not only a mistake simply involving paperwork, it was a mistake that was easily and quickly corrected by the defendants as soon as they found out about the mixup.

In cross-examining the defendants, plaintiff's counsel focused on the fact that none of them had written procedures in place, nor did they have any verification of signed paperwork.

The defense concluded with its own expert witness (played by Jim Starks, CCFE, CCrE). Starks verified there was enough evidence to show that the correct bodies were cremated and that the two white marble urns did in fact hold the correct remains, as indicated by their labels.

Starks also testified that this was a simple paperwork error in which the wrong urn was delivered with the wrong paperwork. Upon cross-examination, he also agreed that if proper verification had been performed by any one of the defendants, this mistake could have been prevented.

After brief closing arguments, Judge Burn dismissed the jury for deliberations.

The juries make their decisions

We had enough people volunteer for jury duty that we decided to split them into two juries, Jury A and Jury B, each comprised of five members. You never know what will happen with a jury, and we thought having two separate juries might better illustrate that fact.

And, in fact, what this session demonstrated is that whether you are in the right or in the wrong, it is what the jury understands and believes that matters.

The jury was asked to make decisions about two causes of actions. The first cause was negligence and the second was for emotional damages. Though the defendants' cases were argued together for the sake of simplicity, the juries were asked to determine whether each party (funeral home, crematory, cemetery) was liable and if so, to what extent. They also were asked to determine how much the plaintiff should receive in damages from each party held liable.

Both juries came back with a unanimous decision in favor of the plaintiff for both causes. However, Jury A granted the plaintiff $150,000 in damages, while Jury B awarded the plaintiff $1 million - a significant difference.

Examining the jurors' reasoning

An important byproduct of this unusual convention session was that through correspondence with the jury members we were able to ask them follow-up questions about the case and about their views cemetery cremation and funeral profession have a whole. And the jurors were able to ask a follow-up questions as well.

One of the jurors' most common questions to us was about the defendant's lack of written policies and procedures as cited during the trial. Why didn't the crematory funeral home and Cemetery have written policies and procedures to prevent the sort of mixup involved in this case?

Many of the jurors commented that without any written policies and procedures it seemed inevitable that the defendants would make a mistake Iike the one in the trial sooner or later.

Sad to say a lack of written policies and procedures is far too common in our profession.

The jurors also asked about the fact that one of the urns had been stored in the funeral home for a year. The case didn't go into the details about how the urn was stored and some of the jury members pictured at having spent a year sitting on the floor in a closet (or worse, a broom closet). They felt that was unprofessional and very disrespectful.

Some jurors made comments about the defendants' manner which they termed "unprofessional." They perceived a lack of concern for the family, a business mentality and a lack of attention to detail, all of which may then view the defendants as more liable.

The jurors initially had a lot to say about who they felt was most liable. The tables shown reflect their feelings on the day of the trial. Since then some of them have changed their feelings a bit according to our e-mail correspondence.

Most of the jurors still believe the three defendants are equally liable, but those who believe otherwise have made some really interesting arguments: 

• A couple of jurors argued that the funeral home was more liable - one said the mixup was entirely the funeral home's fault. Their argument was that the funeral home was in charge and had a duty to make sure everything happened correctly.  
• A few jurors decided the crematory was entirely at fault because it was responsible for delivering the wrong urns to the cemetery and the funeral home. Their argument was that if the crematory had better procedures in place, that would not have happened. Several jurors mentioned that they would have liked more information about the driver who delivered the urns. They would have liked to see that person testify so they could judge his or her credibility for themselves.
• And a few jurors felt the cemetery was entirely at fault. As one said, "If they would have just checked the urn, then this never would have happened."

That quote reminded me of something the judge said in the Noble, Georgia, cremation scandal trial*, to the effect that if anyone had bothered to check out the crematory, it never would have happened.

*Link here to a library of articles about the Tri-State Crematory case.

As far as what influenced the jury to rule in favor of the plaintiff, jurors cited the plaintiff and her attorney. Many jurors were convinced plaintiff was truly hurt by the defendants' actions. They felt they had to help her, since no one else had done so.

They also said they were influenced by the plaintiff's attorney. One juror commented on the plaintiff's attorney asking the funeral home manager if they had changed their procedures since this incident. The defendants' counsel objected to the question, but the message got through: The funeral home knew there was a better way to do things.

One interesting thing most of the jurors said is that they don't believe in frivolous lawsuits. Many of them felt this was simply a case where a mistake had been made. In fact, seven out of the 10 jurors classified it as a frivolous lawsuit. Yet not one of them found for the defendants, and all of them awarded the plaintiff damages.

What does it all mean?

No one plans on making a mistake, but mistakes happen, and in today's world, mistakes can and often do lead to lawsuits. What this case should teach us is people can and do react differently to the same set of facts. A provider can see a situation one way while the person being served sees it another, and if it goes to court, jurors will see things their own way.

In any dispute, including a lawsuit, the parties involved see and interpret things differently. The important thing to remember is that when you argue in front of a jury, the jurors' understanding, beliefs and interpretations will decide the matter. In this case, there were jurors who wanted to award the plaintiff a lesser amount in damages but went along with the majority in agreeing to a higher amount.

It's that unknown that is so scary when you go to trial.

(An aside: even though this was just a demonstration, I barely slept the night before the session, having realized that I had placed the success of the presentation in the hands of 10 people I didn't know. My goal was for this "trial" to make it clear why having written policies and procedures is so important. If the jurors found for the defendants, what was I going to say?)

One common misconception people involved in a lawsuit have is that if they did the right thing they will be vindicated. Our legal system may be constructed on a framework of determining rights from wrongs, but it's a subjective standard. Both juries found for the plaintiff, but one granted almost seven times as much money in damages.

What should you take away from this experiment?

The jurors thought this was a frivolous lawsuit, but they also felt the family had been mistreated. Part of that mistreatment involved poor communication. Make sure you have in place procedures to communicate properly with the family you serve.

The jury wanted to see something tangible that would tell them the correct way to handle these matters so they can judge whether the funeral home, crematory and cemetery had acted properly. Take the time to establish and document your policies and procedures. And then make sure you enforce them!

Mistakes will happen, and it's how you handle them that may determine how well your organization recovers. As one juror said, "Mistakes will always happen, and sometimes people should be punished, but it's what people do to correct those mistakes that determine the punishment."

If you convey a true belief in what you do and an appreciation for those you serve, it will help you.

Author Poul Lemasters, Esq., is an attorney and funeral director, graduated from the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science in 1996 and from Northern Kentucky University, Chase College of Law, in 2003. He is licensed as a funeral director and embalmer in Ohio and West Virginia and admitted to practice law in Ohio and Kentucky. Poul is the ICCFA's special cremation legal counsel. ICCFA members in good standing may call him to discuss cremation-related legal issues for up to 20 minutes at no charge to the member. The association pays for this service via an exclusive retainer. Poul also provides, to ICCFA members in good standing, free GPL reviews to check for Funeral Rule Compliance.

You can read more of Poul's articles online. Just go to ICCFA.com and click on the "Cremation Coaching Center" link, where you can post a question for Lemasters to answer.

This article is reprinted from ICCFA MAGAZINE for August-September 2012 in its entirety with permission.

Washington State Funeral and Cemetery Board

WSFDA: Washington State Funeral Directors Association

ICCFA: International Cemetery, Cremation & Funeral Association

CANA: Cremation Association of North America

NFDA: National Funeral Directors Association

CAO: Cemetery Association of Oregon

OFDA: Oregon Funeral Directors Association

MBNA: Monument Builders of North America

PNMBA: Pacific Northwest Monument Builders Association 

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Position Title:  Mortuary Science Instructor              

Location: Seattle, WA

Salary Range: DOE

________________________________________________________________

Pima Medical Institute, the largest independently owned, private allied health school in the United States, is seeking a Mortuary Science Instructor for the Seattle, WA location. 

The Mortuary Science Instructor will support the Mortuary Science program and assist in the education of students in accordance with the curriculum standards and objectives. Network in the professional community.

ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS 

• Teaching professional courses including Embalming, RA, Law, History, and Pathology.
• Plan instruction to achieve specific objectives based upon student need and established curriculum.
• Embalming of human remains.
• Apply cosmetics and restorative art to the deceased, as required
• Network with the Professional Community in the region.
• Call on existing clinical sites and arrange for new clinical sites.
• Make arrangements to assist families in the disposition of human remains.
• Assist individuals and families through the death of a loved one.
• Ensure appropriate authorization forms and documents are signed as necessary, by the proper authority.
• Ensure death certificates are authenticated according to Washington State law and personally attain signature(s) of the proper authority.
• Work with Medical Examiners/Coroners in obtaining human remains for the school

 MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS 

• Bachelor's degree from a regionally accredited college or university
• Graduate from an ABFSE accredited program.
• Five (5) years of experience as a funeral director and embalmer in a firm involved in at least 150 full-service traditional calls per year.
• Must be a Washington State licensed funeral director and embalmer or be able to qualify for Washington licenses.
• Knowledge of federal, state and local laws and regulations regarding funeral services.
• Valid driver's license required.
• Must show evidence of auto insurance.
• Must complete Masters Degree within five (5) years of employment.

Pima Medical Institute offers a competitive benefits and compensation package which includes:  

• Competitive salaries.
• A Paid Time-off (PTO) plan.
• Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP).
• 401(k) Retirement Plan with a 20% employer match.
• Education and licensure reimbursement.
• Medical, Dental, Vision, Disability, and Life insurance.
• An individual performance merit plan.

Qualified Applicants should submit resume in Word format to: [email protected]

Pima Medical Institute is an Equal Opportunity Employer regardless of race, national origin, creed, veteran status, religion, age, gender, sexual orientation or disability.