Laughs and Interesting Stuff
(Selected by Kevin and Mary Jane)
No offense is meant by any of these jokes, they are just jokes. If you have a joke you'd like to share, send it in. Only clean jokes need apply for consideration.
Gun Control
President Obama was recently at a rural elementary school assembly in East Texas where he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds.
After a minute or so he said into the microphone, "Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence."
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dummy, stop clapping!'
Government Engineers
Bubba and Billy, government engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the flag pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Billy shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman! We need the height and she gives us the length!"
A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.
They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"
"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"
A Wise Man
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful looks and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90"
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Keep On Smiling!
(so people will wonder what your up to AND its contagious)
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