I have been asked many times about the source of power, where does it come from? Occasionally the people who ask are hoping there's some previously unknown or hidden source of power they can use to start winning fights they've been losing. But belief in a secret source of power is somewhat like Ponce de Leon's belief in a fountain of youth. It doesn't exist.

So I tell them: power comes from the ability to reward and/or punish. Put another way, power is the ability to create pain and/or pleasure. Users of power manipulate rewards and punishments [check out Alfie Kohn's books on this topic] to get what they want and if the pain is great enough or the rewards desirable enough they get compliance.

However, there is a price for compliance....