In a world in which too many people, cultures and nations are quick to point the finger of blame, there is great value in self-examination when one of your relationships goes a little sour. The adage that there are always two sides to a problem is often very true. This suggests that before trying to change the other person, you might want to change yourself; in the process you may discover that it's actually your behavior that is triggering the other person's behavior that you don't like.

Take for example the sales professional who typically tells the customer, "I'll drop in Monday or Tuesday." Then, when the sales professional has to tighten up his/her schedule and start making appointments with his/her customer, who is to blame when the customer isn't available at the appointed time? Or there's the sales professional who slacks off just a little on his/her service to a particular customer, and then hears this customer has given a poor reference to an important prospect. Should the sales professional feel betrayed or deceived, or can s/he take some responsibility for that?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself in an effort to find out whether you're a part of the problem you see in some of your customers:

Question 1: Is there something about me that brings on the behavior I don't like?

Question 2: If so, am I willing to change that behavior, habit or attitude so I'm not contributing to the problem

Question 3: Am I doing enough to maintain a good relationship with this person? Am I servicing the customer the way I should or am I taking the account for granted? Are the irritating things this customer is doing merely symptoms of a dissatisfied customer who needs some prompt attention?

A long thoughtful look in the mirror may lead you to realize that "I've met the enemy and it is me." In addition to self-reflection, as you've learned, there are some specific preventive steps you can take that will decrease the likelihood that the customer, or other person, will create a problem for you.