Rugged Self-discipline?...by Cecil Murphey

 

Years ago, an author pointed out that self-discipline was the major ingredient to change. Although he didn't say it, he implied that we must yearn to be different. Then we ferociously harden ourselves against yielding to the old habits while we incorporate the new. He also gave tips on what he called rugged self-discipline. At the time, I agreed.

 

Now I wonder about his method. Isn't it like forcing ourselves---ordering and demanding---that we straighten out? I suppose such an approach works.

 

That approach no longer works for me. These days I'm more relaxed and say to my inner self, "I like you and accept you as you are, but I want you to grow." Then, in a kind, loving manner, I ask, "Is this the way I want to continue to relate to others?" Instead of demanding, I focus on two words to elicit change. Gentleness and respect.

 

I arrived at this while I was reading my Bible. Jesus taught the two great commands. (See Mark 12:28-31). The first is to love God fully; the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. For years, I didn't get those last two words: as yourself.

 

I came from the religious background where we were to put others first and deny ourselves. Then it hit me. "I need to love Cec the way I love others---with compassion. He's as important as they are."

 

Once I grasped that message, I began treating Cec as I would anyone else---kindly and respectfully, without condemning or judging. That decision enabled me to like myself more and to continue to grow.