How Can I Hold Back?...by Janet Perez Eckles

 

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9a

 

I sat across from the executive producer, and my hubby sat to my right. We discussed the details to be included in the possible film of my life's story.

 

Weeks ago when I was first approached with the idea, excitement exploded in me. I thought of the number of folks I could inspire beyond my speaking and writing.

 

But when the details of the bad, ugly and painful were tossed around as possible scenes in the movie, I lost a little joy.

 

I feared how it would impact my sons. I feared how I would feel re-living those episodes. I was afraid the details would scratch open old wounds. Fear...fear all around.

 

That night, with muscles tense, I tossed and tossed in bed, asking myself, "Should all that spill out on a movie screen?" For years, in pages of books and magazine articles, I related the tornado of episodes: the complete loss of my sight...the unfaithfulness in my marriage...the murder of my son...the acquittal of the man responsible.

 

The thought of having it played out all over again made me cringe. What can I hold back? I asked the Lord how to face this dilemma. I asked for peace. I begged for reassurance.

 

He was about to answer.

 

I slipped out of bed, scolding myself for being only halfway committed to God's calling to serve as witness of His goodness and restoration power. I sat at the computer and searched among my favorite Scripture verses. This one leaped out:

 

...do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect... 1 Peter 3:14b-15

 

A little ashamed, I exhaled a long breath. The nudge to be ready to tell everyone was the instruction. No, more than that. It was His command.

 

The darkest moments, the deepest pain, and the most sorrowful episodes would be shared with respect, in a gentle way. And because of Christ's power in me, the ultimate triumph would be told with holy boldness in my soul.

 

How about You? Are you prepared to share the reason for your hope? Are you willing to speak of  Christ's triumph in your life...of His goodness during the storm?