Symbiont Performance Group, Inc.
 April 2013
 In This Issue 

 

Taking Personal Responsibility  

 

Bringing Out The Best In People 

 

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Pat Iannuzzi

Pat Iannuzzi  

 

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"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

 

~ Jean-Paul Sartre   

 















 

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for
a month."

 

~ Theodore Roosevelt 

 















 

"Every excuse I ever heard made perfect sense to the person who gave it."

 

~ Dr. Daniel T. Drubin  

 















 

"Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is
in others."

 

~ Confucius  

 





























 

"Successful leaders must develop other leaders by sharing their teachable points of view and compelling stories that link their own leadership experience with organizational goals."

 

~  Noel Tichy    

 















 

"There is a good side and a bad side to most people, and in accordance with your own character and disposition you will bring out one of them and the other will remain a sealed book to you."

 

~ Mark Twain 

 















 

"In life you'll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will teach you, and some will use you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you."

 

~ Ditaba Daniel  

 











































 

"The power of the people and the power of reason are one."

 

~ George Buchner   

 















 

"... If ever oh ever a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,

because, because, because, because, because,.

because of the wonderful things he does ..."

 

~ E.Y. Harburg     

 















 

"The tongue can paint what the eye can't see."

 

~ Chinese proverb    

 





























Greetings!

Welcome to the April, 2013 edition of Insights. I hope you will find this month's selection of articles interesting and thought-provoking, and that you will take from these words at least one thought or idea that you can use to bring about a positive change in some aspect of your personal or professional life.

 

"Don't Take it Personally"

 

Near Tokyo, there once lived a great Samurai, now old, who decided to teach Zen Buddhism to young people.


One afternoon, a warrior, known for his strength and ferocity, arrived there. The young and impatient warrior had never lost a fight. Hearing of the Samurai's reputation, he had come to defeat him and increase his fame. All his students were against the idea, but the old man accepted the challenge.


All gathered on the town square, and the young man started insulting the old master. He threw a few rocks in his direction, spat in his face and shouted every insult under the sun. He even insulted his ancestors. For hours, he did everything to provoke him, but the old man remained impassive. At the end of the afternoon, by now feeling exhausted and humiliated, the impetuous warrior left.


Disappointed by the fact that the master had received so many insults and provocations and had not responded, his students asked: "How could you bear such indignity? Why didn't you use your sword, even knowing you might lose the fight, instead of displaying your cowardice in front of us all?"


"If someone comes to you with a gift, and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" asked the old Samurai.


"To he who tried to deliver it," replied one of his disciples.


"The same goes for envy, anger and insults," said the master. "When they are not accepted, they continue to belong to the one who carried them."

 

If we take things too personally in life, we can sometimes make ourselves a victim of what others say or do. Even to the young Samurai in this story, it was really just business. He didn't hold any personal animosity toward the old master; he just wanted to enhance his reputation by beating him. Like the old Samurai, it's important to keep your cool because that's when your judgment is the clearest and your power is the strongest.

 

Never let the derisive comments of others, whether intentional or unintentional, diminish you. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."

 

If you know of anyone who you think might also be interested in receiving Insights, please forward this issue on.

 

As always, I would be very interested in receiving your feedback.

 

Pat Iannuzzi Follow us on Twitter 

aTAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

 

I think most people would agree that each of us is who we are and where we are today primarily because of the decisions we have made up to this point in our lives. Now it certainly is true that many things have happened to us that have shaped our lives which have been totally out of our control, but nonetheless, it's important to realize that it is how we chose to react to those events that has created our current situation. While we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, we are, nevertheless, responsible for how we think, act, and feel in response to those things.

 

As adults, our outcomes in every area of our lives are the fruits of our daily behaviors, and the fruits of our daily behaviors are our responsibility alone. Few if any of us would deliberately hand the responsibility for our success and happiness to others because in doing so, we would be effectively relinquishing control over our lives. But this is essentially what we do when we blame circumstances or other people for the hardships, setbacks and disappointments we encounter in life or for our failure to achieve the goals we set. Furthermore, if we give someone else any responsibility for our lives, we take it off ourselves, and this can cause us to slip into the habit of using others as an excuse for our lack of success or as a way to relieve the pressure when the going gets tough. 

 

  personal responsibility

 

What is Personal Responsibility?

 

Taking personal responsibility means accepting conscious accountability for all our responses to the events and circumstances in our lives. It means taking personal credit or blame for all the decisions we make and for everything that happens to us. The acceptance of personal responsibility is the distinguishing quality of a mature, fully functioning human being and is a key trait of happy, successful and self-motivated people. Traditionally, we have sometimes viewed the notion of "personal responsibility" in a negative way; as a matter of obligation or duty, but accepting personal responsibility for our lives can actually be quite liberating. The world today is a place where responsibility seems to be placed everywhere but on the "self." There may be no more impactful thing you can do for yourself than to take responsibility for your life. Only if you assume personal responsibility for your life, can you empower yourself to make the important changes necessary to get the results you really want.

 

The Benefits of Accepting Personal Responsibility for Your Life

 

By accepting personal responsibility, you gain the freedom to create your own life any way you want it. When you admit to yourself that you are solely responsible for your outcomes, you immediately recognize how much control you really do have. Accepting that you're completely responsible for yourself and realizing that no one is coming to your rescue is the foundational attitude for peak performance. There's very little that you cannot do or have after you accept that "If it's to be, it's up to me!" Any goal that you want to achieve is within your control, and external circumstances won't determine your fate.

 

Personal responsibility is also the foundation for personal development in general. By acknowledging and accepting your role in the process, you give yourself the opportunity to improve. When we blame others, we may feel anger or resentment towards them. We may also feel guilty or embarrassed. The worst part about avoiding taking personal responsibility is an overall sense of powerlessness which can make us feel like we don't have real control over our lives, and when we feel this way, we can easily become demotivated.

 

When you blame another person, you give up control of the situation and this can make your ego feel a little bit better. But even if is someone else's fault, you are still responsible. Regardless of who's fault it really was, the fact remains that you didn't do what you needed to do to it get a favorable result. Now it's just that much harder to move forward and respond in a productive way. You wind up spending your energy focusing on the wrong things, like resenting another person, when you could use that energy to advance in your goals.

 

Make a Choice to Take Personal Responsibility

 

When something goes wrong, don't immediately look for some external culprit. You don't need to be happy with your situation; you just need to accept the fact that you are the one who got you there. What happened, happened. The question now is how are you going to respond to it? Complaining is simply focusing on what is wrong. This will make things seem worse than they probably are, and can easily distract you from all the good things going on in your life as well as create an attitude in which you will continually see your situation in a negative light.

 

You need to make a conscious decision to become the sole person responsible for your life. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive other people for any mistakes. If you mess up, don't beat yourself up over it. Just take responsibility and move on. When someone else messes up, don't hold it against them. If you cling to a desire to blame them, then you are shifting the focus away from your own personal responsibility for your life. The very act of accepting responsibility calms your mind and clarifies your vision. It soothes your emotions and enables you to think more positively and constructively. In fact, taking responsibility for your life often gives you insight into what you should do to resolve the situation and motivate you to act.

 

Personal responsibility is not something that you decide to do for the day or for a specific situation; it's a way of life. When a person takes on the role of leadership whether of self or others, he or she must assume full responsibility for all the outcomes that occur, whether positive or negative because otherwise he or she is not in charge, and therefore, not a leader at all. High performers take both the credit and the blame for everything that happens to them. Low performers generally take responsibility only for their success and place the blame for their failures on bad luck, other people or circumstances outside of their control. True success requires men and women to develop a strong internal sense of accountability that extends to every aspect of their lives.

 

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bBRINGING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE

 

One of the primary responsibilities of managers at all levels of authority within an organization is to grow and develop the people they oversee. Successful leaders understand that this is most effectively accomplished by developing and drawing on the strengths and desires of those they supervise. They understand that their own leadership success is best built through their ability to motivate, coordinate and guide the efforts of their people to reach common, mutually agreed upon goals. Each team member is unique in that each brings individual strengths and weaknesses to their position. Each employee is also unique with regard to the level and nature of the developmental potential he or she is capable of.

 

the best

Six Key Approaches for Bringing Out The Best in People

 

The following guidelines are based on the work of Alan Loy McGinness and Aubrey C. Daniels, both of whom wrote books with the title: Bringing out the Best in People.

  • Expect the Best from the People You Lead. Often people will rise or fall to the level of your expectations. So envision them as they could be, not as they are. Don't limit them by expecting less than their best. There is a high degree of correlation between how we expect people to perform and how they actually do. From the Pgymalion Effect to classroom experiments, there exist numerous examples of what happens when we expect the best of people. Goethe said: "Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be."

  • Make an Effort to Understand Other People's Needs and Desires. Each person on your team is an individual with specific strengths, weaknesses, needs and dreams. Taking time to get to know them makes it easier to motivate and direct them toward mutual success. Ask questions to find out what matters to each individual. Don't assume. Think of a motivational plan as a designer dress or a custom fitted suit; both are tailored for the individual. Find out where they have been, where they want to go and what's important to them. As noted motivational speaker Zig Ziglar is famous for saying: "You can get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want."

  • Establish High Standards for Excellence. Leaders fail when they accept mediocre results or don't set high standards. Don't be afraid to challenge your team to live up to and surpass achievable goals and standards of excellence. People can amaze you when you set the bar high and lead by example. Those who succeed know the pleasure of setting high standards and living up to them. A strong leader is necessary to develop a productive culture and establish it as the norm. The late John W. Gardner, leader, author, speaker and Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare said: "The best kept secret in America today is that people would rather work hard for something they believe in than enjoy a pampered idleness."

  • Create an Environment Where Failure is not Fatal. Mistakes are a natural part of life, and taking risks means occasionally falling short of the goal. If your team feels supported and encouraged, it will take risks and move past its comfort zone into the winners' circle. Help your people learn from any mistakes or missteps, and enable them to move forward with renewed energy to face the next challenge. People who learn that mistakes or failures are only temporary, are the ones who go on to do great things. Anyone who has ever achieved anything of significance, no doubt made countless mistakes along the way. Indeed, those people who can openly show they risked, failed and tried again should be role models to us all. The late Charles Kettering, for many years was the head of research at General Motors and holder of 140 patents, is credited with saying: "The chief job of the educator is to teach people how to fail intelligently."

  • Use Models to Encourage Success. Lead by Example. Make sure the principles of success that you adhere to are modeled in your own life. When you take personal responsibility for your success in any leadership role, you encourage those you guide to follow suit. Be it a stirring story of triumph over adversity or a real life "tortoise and hare" success story, we relate, we respond and are motivated when we hear such stories. Rags to riches stories speak to each of us, so tell them and use them. Whether or not you are a fan of Apple products, Steve Jobs became an inspiration and an example for others by taking Apple from near bankruptcy some years ago to one of the most valuable publicly traded companies around today.

  • Recognize and Applaud Achievement. People do not work simply for money. Deep inside each of us is the need to feel appreciated and important. As a leader or manager, the most effective thing we can do is to recognize achievement and effort from those we lead, and to share and publicly applaud their accomplishments. This can be applied equally in corporate, community and social roles. Acknowledge a person's effort for a task and be specific in your praise. Rather than say "you're doing great" say "you're doing great because you take such consistent action or you help people to understand the importance of their key roles." Ken Blanchard, "The One Minute Manager" recommends catching people doing "something right" and then giving them an immediate compliment.

  • Take Steps to Keep Your Own Motivation High. What is it about certain people that enables them to lead and inspire others? History shows it's not a matter of looks, education or talent. Some call it charisma while others call it enthusiasm. No doubt about it, "enthusiasm is contagious." It grabs attention and compels action. To keep yourself up and brimming with energy and enthusiasm, associate with positive people, monitor your self-talk, feed your mind and focus on your goals.

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cYOUR PERSUASIVE EDGE

People often associate the topic of persuasion primarily with the concept of selling, but the importance of effective persuasion skills really pertains to every one of us regardless of our individual vocation. Every day each of us is involved to some degree in influencing the thoughts and actions of others. In fact, the path to success in life lies to a very large extent in gaining the cooperation of others. In this edition of Insights, we continue with our ongoing segment dedicated to the topic of persuasion.

 

The Power of "Because"

 

When trying to persuade others to our way of thinking, it is generally true that the more compelling our argument is, the more inclined another person is to agree with us. Giving people reasons why they should think or act in a particular way appears to have a major influence on the way people respond to our requests because more often than not, people willingly comply with requests when given reasons why they should do so. While this concept seems logical, there is also scientific evidence to support it.

 

An interesting set of studies dealing with this idea was conducted in the 1970's by Ellen Langer, a social psychologist at Harvard University who demonstrated that people usually respond positively and without thinking when reasons are given for a request. One study consisted of having a subject approach a person waiting to make photocopies at a library (remember this was back in the 70') and asking that person if she could get in line ahead of them. The request to cut the line was actually granted fairly often, about 60 percent of the time. But the permission was granted almost 94 percent of the time when the person stepping up to get ahead in line not only asked, "May I use the copy machine first?" but added a reason, such as ''because I'm in a rush."

 

power of because  

 

When people were given a reason, they were usually willing to step aside for a moment. This seemed to make sense as most people are fairly considerate anyway and might be expected to be even more accommodating when given a good reason to do so. Besides, it really wasn't perceived by most people to be a huge imposition. What was odd, however, was that Dr. Langer found that if the interrupter asked "May I use the machine?" and gave a totally meaningless and hollow reason such as "because I have to make copies," the people at the machine still stepped aside nearly 93 percent of the time. Dr. Langer concluded that the listeners at the copy machine heard a two-part statement consisting of a request and something like a reason, and that was all their mental script for such a situation required. They never did reflect on the fact that the interrupter's "reason"was not meaningful.

This suggests that people will generally respond more positively when making decisions and will more readily justify their actions when a reason is included, even when the reason is not really a good reason at all, but only sounds like a reason. For most people this element is powerful enough to trigger motion an almost automatic "yes" response, even in the absence of significant information. The word is believed to get its persuasive power from the continually reinforced association developed over the course of our lives between "because" and the good rationales that typically follow it (e.g., "... because it would help me get that promotion," "... because I'm running out of time," "... because we offer the highest quality money can buy").

 

Increase your Persuasiveness by using "Because."

 

When you want to connect persuasively, increase your chance of success by including a "because" in your approach. For example, if you're aiming to strike up a business relationship with a particular company and you meet a key contact there, instead of simply saying, "I'm delighted to meet you," add "because I've read so much about your pioneering work with this new system." If you're trying to set up an appointment with a prospect, consider saying "I just want to get 10 minutes of your time 'because' I'm confident you will find our discussion of value even if we don't wind up doing business together."

 

Of course, like most things, the power of because has its limits. In the Langer study, cooperation was equally high no matter how poor the reason was that followed "because." But again, in this instance, the request was a minor one. The requester only asked to make five copies. To see what would happen with a larger favor, Langer introduced another set of experimental conditions in which the requester said that she needed to make twenty copies.

 

This time, when the stranger simply made her request without providing a reason or using the word "because," only 24 percent complied. And for those who gave a poor reason ("... because I need to make copies"), there was no increase in compliance at all. However, when the larger request was made and followed with a logical reason ("... because I'm in a hurry"), the response rate doubled. Taken together, the results of these studies suggest that when the stakes are low, people are more likely to take mental shortcuts. On the other hand, when the stakes are high, people really do take the strength of the requester's reasoning into consideration.

 

Always Present a Good Reason for the Action You Desire

 

These findings serve as a reminder to always be sure to accompany our requests with a strong rationale, even when we think the reasons might be fairly clear. For example, when booking a meeting with a customer or when asking a coworker to cooperate on a new project, be sure to state the reason for your request. That may sound obvious, but all too often we mistakenly assume that other people understand why we want something. If you want to persuade someone to buy a product or perform a task, give them a reason. Of course, a good reason is best, but even if you think your reason is less than compelling, this research suggests that listeners are more likely to comply than if you had given no reason at all.

 

Ask us a question about Persuasiveness. 

 

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I hope you have enjoyed what you've read. As always, we value your thoughts and comments. Please feel free to:

Pat Iannuzzi
Symbiont Performance Group