Becoming a father for the first time in 1979 was a life-altering experience. Those first smiles, first steps, and first words seemed magical. Then at 18 months, my son stopped talking, began flapping his arms, and fussing.  From those first symptoms until now, I have been living and learning about how to be a father and how to help other men raising children with autism and other special needs. This article summarizes some tips for men and their partners.

  

First, men need to learn about autism. When my son was diagnosed with autism, I thought my head was going to explode. I couldn't get the word autism out of my mouth. What starts the process of being able to talk about it is stepping up and getting involved in caring for the child's needs. A father finds himself useful when actively involved in helping his partner meet their child's needs. There is an overwhelming amount of information on the Internet.  I recommend starting with major organizations such as the Autism Society, Autism Speaks, the Arc, etc.

 

Second, men need to revisit and adapt traditional male norms. There is a typical male code for handling overwhelming emotions. In the face of an overwhelming experience such as autism, men are expected to keep the lid on emotions, take charge of practical details, support others, and take on the challenge as a chance to problem-solve or even as a test of traditional masculinity. However, men are not supposed to lose control, to openly cry, to worry, or to express overwhelming sadness. Unfortunately this doesn't work well with mothers.

 

Asking a man how he feels does not start a conversation.  Instead try guy talk, such as:

 

Click to read the rest on the Alternative Choices Blog

 

 

 

Also I will be facilitating monthly on line discussions titled "Fathers Roundtable: Guy Talk about Raising Children with Autism and other Special Needs" at www.autismbrainstorm.org on Sunday, June 9 at 9:00 Eastern.