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In This Issue
Anna's Wedding
The Power of Compliments
Cheering Not Jeering
Etiquette Bites!
Pinterest: Hostess Gifts
Etiquette in the News
Connect With Emily Post
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Ask Peggy


 
Q: We live within walking distance of my son's school, and I'm constantly feeding his friends. The costs add up! Is it okay to ask the other parents to chip in?
 
A: It's a good idea. Bring it up with each parent one-on-one: "I'm so glad Sammy's friends can come over after school. We enjoy hosting your son, but it gets expensive. Can you help cover the cost of snacks?" Have a realistic dollar amount in mind to suggest. Your request should be reasonable - and logical, too - so the other parents will likely be happy to pitch in. However, if your son's frequent guests are becoming an imposition, talk to the other parents and set up a schedule for after-school visitors that works for you.
 

Read more of Peggy's advice each month in Good Housekeeping 

 

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Have you Heard?

Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning have launched their new Awesome Etiquette podcast!

In their broadcast, the two cover etiquette in their lives, delve into historical and traditional aspects of etiquette and salute individuals and organizations who are shining examples of good etiquette. Tune in to hear what they've got to say!

Most Recently: Roommates, Cousins and Thank-Yous 
The Dinner Party Download

Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning are monthly guests on The Dinner Party Download a weekly culture and arts show hosted by Rico Gagliano and Brendan Newnam, and produced by American Public Media.

Check out the Dinner Party Download website for the latest.
Etiquette At Work


Read Peter Post's column "Etiquette at Work."

In both international and domestic business travel, knowing and understanding cultural norms are essential for showing respect.


New York Times logo The Well-Mannered Wedding

Read Peggy Post's thoughts on today's most nuanced wedding dilemmas in her New York Times column.

Most recently:
Wedding Q. and A.
On waiting too long to see the bride and groom and the do's and don'ts of discounted gifting.  
Digital Manners no Dan head

Problem with a co-worker?

Greetings!  

 

Fall is fast approaching and with it we are gearing up for our Fall Train the Trainer Program September 29 - October 3. We have a brand new look now that our brand redesign is complete and we are so excited to share it with our new trainers. Soon our new style will be everywhere from our website to newsletter. We can't wait to share it with you.

After a fabulous wedding on the shores of Lake Champlain, Anna is ready to share some of her favorite moments from the wedding with you. See her article below!

Lizzie and Dan have been busy gathering topics, questions, and salutes for their Awesome Etiquette podcast with the Infinite Guest network. They have both decided that studio time is their favorite time. We truly hope you'll subscribe (it's free) and submit your questions and salutes to awesomeetiquette@emilypost.com.

Peter and Tricia have scooted down to Martha's Vineyard for some much desired vacation time. They will return just in time for the Train the Trainer program, relaxed and ready to host!

After visiting Vermont for Anna's wedding, Peggy has been busy down in Florida attending events. She recently stopped by "Manners and Dance with Miss Laura" to see Miss Laura's fabulous program for girls.


 
We hope you enjoy this month's newsletter and as always please feel free to reach out to us on Facebook, Twitter, and our blog The Etiquette Daily.
 


What are your thoughts? Are there articles you've really enjoyed or topics you'd like us to cover? Let us know at: newsletter@emilypost.com.
 Favorite Moments
by Anna Post


Photo Credit: Paul Reynolds
 

My husband, Matt, and I were married in a smallish wedding on the shores of Lake Champlain here in Vermont last month. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, but the setting was lovely, and the guests barely seemed to notice the rain showers during the cocktail hour. The day flew by in a blur, but I thought I'd share some of my favorite moments.

 

1. The first look. In the interest of time, we opted to take photos before the ceremony, and had the photographer plan and capture the moment Matt first saw me dressed in my all-bridal glory. We were running a little behind schedule and I had started to feel stressed, but as soon as I walked down the beautiful tree-lined drive to where Matt was waiting with the photographer, everything felt great. After that, we had fun doing our couple portraits, walking around the lovely grounds and peeking at everything in the final stages of being set up for the wedding.

 

2. The ring exchange. A dear friend of ours married us, and he did a fantastic job. After Matt and I finished our vows, he had planned to say a few words before the exchange of rings. But he was so caught up in the emotion of the vows and his remarks that he pronounced us married before the ring exchange. We had to remind him, and the moment he realized his omission was priceless. We had wanted a ceremony with a lot of heart, and the way he got carried away spoke exactly to that. Everyone had a big laugh, and it all felt so personal and celebratory. What seems like a mistake can in fact become the thing that makes a wedding memorable and special.

 

3. The wedding toast. We have a special tradition on my mom's side of the family. Before the cake cutting, the couple drinks from an enormous, punch-bowl size silver cup with handles (really an antique horseshow trophy my great-great aunt won long ago). The cup is engraved with the names of all the many couples in my big Irish family who have ever gotten married and drunk a toast from it. After Matt and I drank as the newlyweds, any other person whose name is on the cup then drank out of it. Having the guests pressed close around us gave it an almost Viking-like feel, and the size of the cup really makes quite a ceremony out of it!

 

Our day had everything we truly wished for - our families, good friends, good food, and laughter. At heart, that's what a great wedding is all about.


Other wedding questions on your mind? Check out Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 6th edition.

 

The Power of Compliments



It's no secret: Compliments make people feel good. In the work world, when people feel good, they work better! Complimenting co-workers about a job well done is a very easy and affordable way of showing gratitude and appreciation. Follow these simple guidelines for giving the most powerful compliments to those you appreciate.

 

  • Mention one or two specific things that person did well. Identifying a particular success shows your understanding that something difficult was conquered effectively. This is the difference between "Tom, nice work," and "Tom, you came to the presentation prepared to answer any question on your sales pitch. Great work!"
  • Be prompt. Complimenting someone just after the completion of a big project carries much more weight than returning to the subject a week later. Over time, you may forget exactly what you liked, and furthermore, the other person may wonder if they don't receive any feedback. Giving a compliment in the moment shows that you quickly recognized what the person did well and you really want to acknowledge it.
  • Make your compliments worth it. Don't just give compliments to give them. Acknowledge the big things: a closed deal, the presentation of an innovative new idea, or an effort that went above and beyond.
  • Use the medium that means the most to you. For some people, in person compliments are the most significant, whereas others feel that a note in writing is more meaningful. Regardless of your personal style, make sure the compliment is given in a sincere and well-deserved way.
  • Address the negative at another time. Giving a compliment is not an invitation to focus on something that was less than impressive at the same time. If there is something to correct, give the compliment now and come back later to anything that needs improvement. When discussing the improvement, refer back to what had been complimented by saying something like "Joe, remember that slideshow presentation you gave last week? I loved how in-depth the slides were, but I'm thinking we may want to use more graphics for the next one. Do you think that is something we could work on?"


Curious about other business etiquette? Check out Emily Post's The Etiquette Advantage in Business, 3rd Edition or visit www.emilypost.com. 

Team Spirit

 

   

 

With the beginning of fall comes a new school year for kids and, of course, the start of fall sports. As spectators, every parent wants to support his or her child's team because, at the end of the day, we want our kids to succeed. However, it's important to keep in mind the golden rule of spectating: Keep it positive. Never blur the line between being encouraging and being the crazed screaming parent on the sidelines.

 

The point of cheering, as obvious as it may be, is to encourage. Yelling, "Go Tigers!" at a child's soccer game is a fun way to amp up the energy and thrill of competition. This positive energy can rub off onto the kids on the field, who hear encouragement and want to play harder and better. On the other hand, mean and offensive comments can have quite the opposite effect. Not only can negative remarks frustrate kids, but they can also impact their performance.

 

Remember who is the coach. From talking to the referees and the players, to yelling suggestions during the game, these are coaching responsibilities. Hearing one demand from a parent mixed with another demand from a coach will confuse and distract a young player.

 

Not every mistake needs to be highlighted and sometimes it is best to say nothing. If a goal is missed, or the referee does something you don't agree with, keep the criticism to yourself. After all, it's just a game. And if your child is upset, it's better that you show how to be a good sport off the field, to help your child understand how to be a good sport on the field.

 

Always be careful of what you say. Words that may not be offensive to the parent sitting on your left could, in turn, be very offensive to the parent on your right attending with a young child. Under no circumstances is it appropriate to use foul language at children's sporting events.

 

After a team victory feel free to support and congratulate your child, but know where to draw the line. Boasting and bragging about a win is not only rude, but can also be hurtful to non-goal scoring team members. If the other team played well, compliment some of their players. This is another good opportunity to show children what sportsmanship is.

 

Go ahead, cheer on your athlete, but keep in mind the above advice to avoid crossing the line of foul play this season.

 

 

For more on sports event etiquette check out Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th edition or visit www.emilypost.com 
Etiquette Bites!
Face-to-Face Meeting vs. Email or Phone Call



Peter Post
discusses the pros and cons of verbal, written and virtual communication.
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The Posts

 

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