"Running with the Governor On"

From the beginning of car manufacturing, designers have included a "governor" in the engine of a car. "A device used to measure and limit the speed of an automobile". I needed to look that one up after a mentor of mine said, "Steve, you're running with the governor on".

Limiting and restricting what? What was he saying? My creativity? My own sense of agency in the world? My own capacity for Loving? My capacity to take in Loving? It gets interesting, eh?

I had an innate feeling that I was holding back and projecting a façade of stoicism, of thoughtfulness, of wise observation. But he had me nailed. My own internal experience of how much I loved my family, friends, job and this planet and my expression of that love laid comatose within me.

If I let go of that John Wayne persona, If I rip the "governor out of the engine", if I hurdle all my cultural reticence, shouldn't I be screaming, with heart wide open, to my family and friends - "Do you know what you meant to me?? Do you know how much I have kept unsaid from you?  You made my life worth living! You have been so loved ... You Are Everything to me ... and I want you know that loud and clear. Today, here and now!!

I do not want to be laying in my final resting place, without voice, with the governor still locked on, and  failing to let you know.