Who's in charge here?  I heard a comedian this week talking about generational parenting and he said, "Time Out?  The only time out I got was when my father got winded from beating me."  Sometimes our brains take on so much beating from us, we really do have to say "TIME OUT!"  What's going on here?  How do we get ourselves in these endless cycles of punishing, berating, and beating for sometimes the most minor decisions, comments, actions, or indiscretions?  My granddaughter has just turned seven and is testing her independence and individuality.  The other day she was at our house and she became unhappy with her little brother.  Suddenly she "went off" complaining and crying and talking non-stop about how badly she felt treated, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise.  I attempted to tell her to relax, that's not what happened, let's talk about it, it's okay.  Finally, I had to get in her face and say "Time out.  Sit here on the stairs and I'll come back and talk to you in three minutes."   When our minds go full tilt, we must be the adult voice of reason -- or the referee -- and say "time out".  Relax. Breathe. Stop thinking. Sit on the stairs for three minutes, catch your mental breath, adjust the game plan and wait until you can think about the situation more clearly without all the beating. 

Worry and Guilt.  These two are quite the pair when it comes to mental clutter head games.  Worry is the head coach for anything that hasn't happened yet and Guilt is the head coach for all the stuff from our past.  Their goal in a head game is to beat the other team, and beat they do.  Interesting how, in the present, we can't do much to change either outcome; but we'll spend hours and days worrying and feeling guilty, letting our heads fill up with mental clutter about what we might have done and what ifs.  In feng shui we talk about creating an environment that supports who you are and where you're going.  I encourage getting rid of stuff (guilt and worry) that doesn't speak to who you are and creating open space or bringing in items that define or represent where you're going. Out with the old textbooks and in with the adventurous travel maps.  Clearing worry and guilt from your mental environment can create significant space for the here and now.

Hugs and kisses = chi.  Would we ever verbally abuse our friends and families the way we beat ourselves mentally?  Highly unlikely.  And yet once again, someone has ignored us, or said something that appeared offensive, or we made a decision that impacted a project or another in some negative way and suddenly we are yelling at ourselves about how we deserved it, what was I thinking, how could I be so stupid, I haven't been there for others so now they're not here for me, and on and on.  How about giving yourself a big mental (or physical) hug and a mental kiss on the top of your head.  We seem able to support others, encourage them, talk them off the ledge, listen while they vent, and offer advice if requested.  Let's do it for ourselves.  Give yourself the same courtesy you'd show a friend and clear the mental clutter with kindness.  Now that's good chi.

This week fire the head coaches: Worry and Guilt.  Give your mind a bye-week and relax.  Step into the present with creative thoughts, compliments, and kindness. Take a time out and replace the mental clutter with your favorite music (add some great tunes to the pod), meditation, or have a conversation with a friend.  Personally, I'm practicing "I love myself no matter what" and Mrs. Chi just loves it.