The Easy Answer.  When I was on my speaking tours, I'd often open my talk with "I know you're all here to learn how to help someone you know with their clutter problems, because certainly none of you have clutter." Responses: Laughing.  Eye rolling. Elbow ribbing.  The easy answer would be to say that all this stuff belongs to someone else: spouse, partner, kids, inheritance, storing for someone else.  That does account for some of it; however, a good portion made its way in from shopping, updating and replacing, souvenirs, sales you couldn't pass up, incoming (mail, work and school papers) and, yes, inheritance and other people's stuff.  When things begin to impact your time, energy, health and safety, and finances, it's time to let go; but we don't because we form relationships with our stuff.  It's an external affirmation of our success, it identifies who we are and where we've come from, and all our stuff has emotional, sentimental, and monetary value.  All this energetic attachment makes it difficult to let it go.  But the biggest reason we don't let it go is because our stuff fills a hole.

An Inside Job.  While it would be simple and easy to explain clutter from a literal and physical perspective, I've learned from every person I've worked with that conquering clutter is an inside job.  We hold on to stuff and acquire more stuff because when we're not feeling whole, clutter fills the hole.  People collect and buy and keep because they are depressed or sad or lonely (so buying new things makes them feel better), bored or frustrated (time spent shopping fills the hole), afraid or insecure (they won't have enough or have it 'just in case'--this includes the "depression era" saving habits), they've lost a loved one or a career (things are a physical reminder of their identity), and also because they are lacking a life or spiritual purpose, and stuff easily fills the void. 

On my personal de-clutter journey I recognized my own clutter issues stemming from the loss of my identical twin sister when we were babies.  I purchased and collected and saved thinking I could fill this hole of loss with things.  And entering the U.S. from a Soviet block country as a young child with her mother, one client recalls arriving with everything they owned in a single suitcase.  This feeling of not having enough kept her continually saving and keeping everything from regular overseas flights (toiletries, shoe horns, pens, sox) and all the promos from conferences and business meetings.  Letting go will remain difficult until we convince ourselves and believe we are and we have...enough.  (Note: the psychology of hoarding is an entirely separate discussion)

The Process.  What is your clutter story?  Can you find an ah-ha moment where the bell rings or the lightbulb clicks and you are able to see why you are saving and collecting?  No matter how much we want to help another, we are each on our own journey.  I tell my clients when they lose a loved one and find it difficult to let go of their things or other things, It's all part of the process.  Nancy Dougherty, a psychoanalyst at the Institute of Chicago, reminds us that, "Keeping the memory and letting go of the object is a process of growth." Only you can decide when it is time to let go.  But as one of my faithful readers pointed out regarding the "wait-until-you-die" de-clutter method from last week, "it prolongs the grief for the survivors!"  And that goes for each of us as we prolong our own grief in the midst of too much stuff--whether it's ours or inherited--because we haven't looked at the inside issue. 

Food for Thought. 

This week take a look at your clutter story.  A lot or a little, review your possessions, things, stuff and think about your inside story.  Take a look at why it might be difficult for you to let go: Identity? Success? Perceived value? Sentimental or emotional attachment?  Then consider how you could still feel whole with less.