(Adapted from Nancy Young,'s March 8, 2015 article in the Ithaca Journal)

The talk of long ago first dates turned especially lively when Christina Muscatello mentioned that when she used to work at a flower shop, she had a customer who ordered 12 dozen roses to send to 12 different women. The thought of that rascal drew a big whoop from the dozen or so people - most from local retirement communities or senior centers - enjoying a Valentine's Day lunch and conversation in the nostalgic atmosphere of the Vestal Museum. One man in the group gathered around the old-fashioned, heavy wood kitchen table didn't seem to hear any of it. He munched on his sandwich, some chips, and then a cookie for dessert. Not speaking, not really there, it seemed. Then, just after the funny flower shop story, he said quietly, to no one in particular: "I don't know where I live."

Muscatello is the program coordinator and co-founder of The Memory Maker Project, a new CTA Project that uses the arts, music and cultural institutions to reach people who have memory loss and dementia. The organization holds free events in Binghamton, Ithaca and Elmira, which include social gatherings at retirement centers, theaters and museums, using art and culture as jumping-off points for conversation. They are open to anyone, but are especially focused on people whose lives have become dominated not only by the physical effects of memory loss and dementia, but also by the world of doctor's appointments and medications their diagnosis has plunged them into.

"We try our best to make it not about a diagnosis," Muscatello said, because when it is "all about the diagnosis, it sounds like a death sentence." Instead, Muscatello said, the Memory Maker Project focuses on helping participants see "the opening of a new chapter. You need new characters for that chapter because it's a really different chapter than you've been through before."

Alzheimer's disease is the best known and most common cause of dementia, affecting more than 5 million Americans - most over the age of 65 - a number that is expected to grow as the population ages, according to the Alzheimer's Association.

"It's going to be bigger and bigger," said Kim Evanoski of Ithaca, co-founder of The Memory Maker Project and a licensed social worker who specializes in working with people with dementia. As a community "we need to help and support people, to teach them how to do that." Early signs of Alzheimer's include short term memory loss - forgetting words or not being able to retrace one's steps. As the disease progresses, people with Alzheimer's have trouble finding their way back to the world as they are robbed of memories of even those closest to them. Their personalities may change, they may become depressed, physically weak and they may lose their ability to speak.

According to research, Evanoski said, the part of the brain that processes emotions is spared by the disease until late in its course. "Feelings are one of the last things that end up being" affected, Evanoski said. And, one of the best ways to engage the emotions is through the arts that can spark conversation or even just a look of understanding for those who can no longer speak. "It's a back door entrance into their personal narrative," Muscatello said. The experience is not only good for the people affected by dementia, but family members as well - whose lives also often become dominated by the medical side of the dementia. "They may tell stories they've never heard before," Muscatello said.

Muscatello grew up in Binghamton in a neighborhood where she felt like everyone's grandchild. After graduating from college, she worked at the I'm Still Here Foundation in Boston, which uses the arts to engage people with dementia. Inspired by that work, she wanted to bring it back to the place she grew up.

The conversations she facilitates are meant to be a two-way street and Muscatello will usually begin by sharing something about herself. At 29, she will ask people many decades older for dating advice and the secrets to a successful relationship. "I shape my daily life around the answers I get," she said. Love and romance was the theme of the Valentine's Day event at the Vestal Museum, as folks reminisced about first dates. ("I didn't like my husband-to-be at first, but I got used to him." I'll never forget my first date, there almost wasn't a second." "You didn't ask a boy out, they asked you out.")

The conversation naturally wound its way around to giving flowers for Valentine's Day and the flower shop where Muscatello worked for a while and which seemed to spark fond memories in everyone in the room. Except for the man who suddenly realized he didn't know where he was or how to get back home. Muscatello quietly moved to his side, keeping up the banter with the group. A little more agitated, the man says again quietly to the air in front of him that he does not know where he lives and is afraid he will get lost. He came to the lunch on transportation provided by the retirement home where he lives. He had a ride and nothing to worry about, but he didn't know that.

In another setting, you could picture someone outright trying to explain that to him - and the explanation making no sense to him in that moment.

Muscatello asked him if he lived in Binghamton. Yes, he said. The East Side and then he said he lived in Johnson City. "When I lived in Johnson City, I ended up in Endicott. I was really lost." As he tells of getting lost, despite that being a bad experience, he becomes less distressed, obviously warming to being listened to.

Muscatello, self-deprecating, tells him she knows how he feels. She gets lost all the time, particularly, for some reason, when she is driving. She asks him, "Are you a car guy?" He half smiles, "Yeah, you could say that." Someone in the group asked Muscatello what kind of car she drives and she tells them she drives a Volkswagen.

But before the conversation moves on, the man steers it back.

No longer lost, he says to Muscatello, with just a hint of swagger, "I got a Camaro."

The Memory Maker Project has a number of events that are free and open to the public. Space is limited so reservations are required. Call (607) 240-6204 or visit memorymakerproject.org for more information.