While out walking this week, I noticed a tree which was completely green apart from one small leaf which had turned a gorgeous russet red. Further on, a golden brown leaf toppled past me as it twisted down to the ground. These are the early signs of autumn - a change which will soon envelope the whole of each tree, and spread right over the whole of the woods.

 

These early turning leaves are like the advance party, little signs that something is changing round here. It is like that with people too. I feel lucky that I get to notice this happening in my work with clients. A word here, an action there, some subtle turning point achieved. Little steps forward which accumulate into a more significant step change.

 

How well do we notice the signs of change in ourselves though - or recognise when something needs to change - and when we do, what that something is?

 

Sometimes when things are changing, we forget to notice too that many things  are staying the same. We notice what is new and different and not what is constant. Remembering (or finding out) what nourishes and grounds us is important when we face change.

 

You might have realised by now that this Autumn issue of Transitions and Transformations explores change. Forced change, change we bring about ourselves, and the natural changes that emerge for ourselves. It is a big topic, and I've only scratched the surface of something  that really fascinates me.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

This is the real life equivalent to the tree losing its leaves overnight - like after those massive storms we get in Autumn. This is news like a redundancy, a relocation, a relationship breakdown, a sudden death - anything you're not prepared for. 

We may feel we have lost our protection, our canopy of leaves. We may feel exposed, disconnected, bare. Yet this process is part of a preparing only to deal with the most essential tasks, during "winter" times when we need to guard our energy.

Of course we cannot protect ourselves from external change, much as we might like, and we cannot stop these external changes from happening. Our only control is over our response, and often we don't have a sense that we can control even this. There is a cycle that follows the shock of sudden change, and even though some people go through the stages more quickly than others, we need to allow ourselves time to just be in each stage. Otherwise, we are battling against the seasons.

Professional help and much support is out there too if we feel stuck at any point, or if we cannot see a way through this cycle.

When you're bringing about a change in your life, progress can sometimes feel terribly slow. Consider dieting, or marathon training, renovating our homes, or pursuing a new habit - each requires ongoing attention, one step at a time.

It is important that we look for those early signs of change  - such as the first turning leaf, and then the next, and the next. These are what signal to us that we are on the right track, that we need to keep going, and that we will get there. Too often we fail to spot these signs, and get demotivated, sometimes giving up before we've even got going.

We need to build these little changes into habits, which can take at least 21 days to form - sometimes longer if these are not everyday actions. While you're in this early phase, each repetition feels significant and requires conscious effort. After a while, you forget to notice that you're doing the new habit - and it is happening automatically.

We can find it difficult to form new habits. Think how many times you needed to be reminded to brush your teeth in your early year (and other things besides!). We tend to find it easier to commit to a new behaviour or habit if we have chosen it ourselves - so engage in the process, give yourself choices, and leave it open so you can explore and test out different idea. Ask yourself what help you need as you establish these new habits. Notice the signs of change - and ask people to help you to notice them too.

If you are trying to change something in your life, you may be more successful if you share what you are looking to do. Ask for help and input. Involving others in the process of changing habits can work both ways  - perhaps it will inspire them to look at their own, and can help them see how to go about making positive changes in their lives, perhaps you'll recruit a "buddy" for the journey. Find the right person to support you in this change - who can give you the positive encouragement you need - family, friends, colleagues - or someone who is already going through the same change.

As time goes by, things change. We change. We feel differently about things as our experience grows and helps to shape us.

Sometimes we look back at "easier" or "happier" times and wish we were still there. We can also feel the same about ourselves. We may look back at ourselves in our younger days and feel nostalgic for those times. If only we were .... again (25, size 10, wrinkle free etc etc). This is like wishing it is Summer when we are in the full colour of Autumn - we are in danger of missing the amazing colours because we don't like the temperamental changes in weather.

As people and situations around us gradually change, so must we. We need to spot the signs that something is changing, and prepare ourselves to evolve and adapt.

Anticipating these inevitable changes is key. Preparing yourself, just like the trees do in Autumn, will help you cope with and adapt to new scenarios. FInd out what you can. Ask those who have been through this before. Find out what works for you. Welcome these natural changes - they're here to stay . . . until the next season!